Baseball Season Is Here and It’s Brought Funny Baseball Names Along!

Hey ho, baseball season is back, and with it comes perhaps our favorite thing. Baseball names!

I myself attended by annual-ish baseball game this week in the shape of a Padres-D-Backs game (something unfortunate about the D-Backs being called D-Backs. No self given nickname has ever sounded quite so much like an insult). Padres took the game with an 8th inning whopper by Justin Upton (stadium scoreboard fun fact : he has a brother named Melvin).

So I got to thinking, as I munched on my $9 hot dog and slurped my $12 beer. To make this really worth it, I need to write about it on the blog, and so I lurched into the funnest kind of research. Funny Names Research. FNR is an up-and-coming field in the sciences, sure to be recognized soon with a Horsey Prize in achievement in amusement. Check your local library for the latest.

Hot dog filled and stuffed with cash.

It’s expensive out there.

Without further ado (which I think was a Shakespearean term for “filler”), we move on to the meat of the matter. The funniest names in baseball in 2015!

From the Boston Red Sox

  • Mookie Betts
  • Zeke Spruil

If I had a baseball themed deli, these two would be my top selling sandwiches.

From the New York Yankees

  • Didi Gregorius

I don’t know if Didi has a nickname, but I think he should start going by Glorious Gregorious. Gregarious Gregorious is also an option, but might trip up the broadcasters.

From the Tampa Bay Rays

  • Brad Boxberger

One of the great family names of Tampa, his father and his father before him all berged boxes for a living.

With the Toronto Blue Jays

  • R.A. Dickey
    – A bonus fact about Mr. Dickey. According to the New York Times, he gives his bats (the kinds you hit the ball with, not nocturnal bloodsuckers) some strange names. The two best ones he     calls Orcrist the Goblin Cleaver and Hrunting. So next time you watch the Blue Jays, keep an eye out for the man bunting with the hrunting.

From the Detroit Tigers

  • Buck Farmer

    funny name for a baseball bat

    R.A. Dickey wielding his goblin cleaver.

With the Kansas City Royals

  • Cheslor Cuthbert

From the Oakland A’s

  • Coco Crisp
  • Billy Butler

The Butler will bring your Coco Crisps to get the day started right, of course.

There’s just not enough names like Billy Butler in the world.

From the Seattle Mariners, your future plush toy sales representative

  • Charlie Furbush

From funny name champs, the Texas Rangers

  • Rougned Odor
  • Shin-Soo Choo
  • Prince Fielder
  • Tanner Scheppers

Funny name collector runner up, the Cincinnati Reds

  • Burke Badenhop
  • Skip Schumaker
  • Homer Bailey

Now those sound like some baseball players.

From the San Diego Padres

  • Cory Spangenberg
  • Kevin Quackenbush
Cory Spangenberg immortalized into cardboard. At least until the cardboard breaks down into dirt. What's the lifetime of cardboard anyway? Can you really be immortalized in something that's temporary? Isn't everything temporary? Whoa. #DeepCaptionMusings

Cory Spangenberg immortalized into card form. At least until the card paper breaks down into dirt. What’s the lifetime of this kind of paper anyway? Can you really be immortalized in something that’s temporary? Isn’t everything temporary? Whoa. #DeepCaptionMusings

Representing the San Francisco Giants

  • Madison Bumgarner
  • Buster Posey

And finally, some of the finest names in MLB :

  • Scooter Gennett – Milwaukee
  • Antonio Bastardo – Pittsburgh
  • Xavier Scruggs – St. Louis
  • Tuffy Gosewisch – Arizona

And that’s that for this roundup. Enjoy the games this season!

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Wow! America turns 45, Matt Dumba wears 55, a Windell Send-Off and a Dikembe Mutombo Hall of Fame Celebration – It’s Funny Names in the News 101!

Happy Friday, one and all! I hope your days are all off to a delightful start. Dave-o here! Back from a wild bachelor party weekend in Cabo San Lucas, and ready to hit y’all with a blast of Funny Names In The News fun!

So much Funny Names in the News this week (partly due to us dedicating a special edition to our 100th FNITN recently!) that I’m going to have to do this in “bullet point and snarky remark” form!

Is someone allowed to be a smartass and a Dumba55 at the same time?

Is someone allowed to be a smartass and a Dumba55 at the same time?

We start off with a delightful piece of hockey news brought to you by stick-waving correspondent Arto(wizard), who informs us that Matt Dumba of the Minnesota Wild (Hi Liz!!!!!!) wears jersey number 55, so his jersey says Dumba55! Sounds like a smart choice to me!

From the ice rink to another use for arenas – megachurches – minister Creflo Augustus Dollar, known to many as a successful prosperity minister, got some PR recently for requesting a $60 million jet from his congregants. It also drew some pushback from taxpayer advocates! Some people say an abuse of power and tax-exempt status… I say NOMINATIVE DETERMINISM! (Even if people say Creflo “Dollar” isn’t pronounced like the currency).

In news about bands named after countries, but that aren’t country bands, an unknown BoFN correspondent  (I did some digging and found it was our favorite fiery Finn, Arto!)  informs us that Dewey Bunnell was one of the founders of the band America (remember “Horse with No Name” and “I Need You”?). The interesting news is that America turns 45 this year. That’s some serious longevity!!

We miss you Windell! Hope you're living the High Life up in Heaven!

We miss you Windell! Hope you’re living the High Life up in Heaven!

Moving from civics to anatomy class, newscaster Natarsha Belling caused quite a stir recently with her oddly-shaped neckline. It’s actually not all that odd… a common shape, just not so common for a neckline. I’ll leave it to y’all to snicker about the outfit’s unusual feature.

On to some sadder news… BoFN favorite Windell Middlebrooks, whom we profiled back in the day, passed away at age 36 a few weeks ago. You may remember him as the Miller High Life guy, or from his appearances in various TV shows like Scrubs, Cougar Town, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Parks and Recreation, or many others. He’s been in a lot of shows, and will be greatly missed, but the High Life lives on!

Dikembe agrees and says No No No, that's not how to end a FNITN!

Dikembe Mutombo agrees and says No No No, that’s not how to end a FNITN!

Windell wouldn’t want us to end this post on a somber note, and neither does our person, so we bring you some celebratory news featuring another BoFN mainstay. Dikembe Mutombo Mplondo Mukamba Jean-Jacques Wamutombo (known to the uninitiated as simply Dikembe Mutombo), was recently announced as an inductee into the basketball Hall of Fame! Dikembe decided to take a break from saving the world – seriously, that was such a ridiculously fun little web-based game from the time when weird people thought the world would end in 2012 – and join WNBA legend Lisa Leslie and another 9 folks in the Naismith Hall. Congrats Dikembe!

That just about does it for this week’s FNITN – join us next week when we cover all sorts of other Funny Names in the News that got squeezed out of this jam-packed edition!

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John Hinerwadel and Syracuse Salt Potato

Today’s post is brought to you by the words eponymous and synonymous. And not just because they sound good together.

A little history first. The majority of the salt used in the United States before the 19th century came from Syracuse, New York—dubbed “the Salt City.”

Between 1845 and 1852, during the Irish Potato Famine, an estimated one million Irish died from famine. One million more emigrated from Ireland to other parts of the world. Many of them passed through New York looking for work.

If you were a miner arriving in New York where’s the closest place you’d look for work?

Which leads us to an enterprising restauranteur, John Hinerwadel, owner of the eponymous Syracuse clambake company. He noticed the local Irish salt workers boiling their lunch—potatoes with skins on—in large vats of salt water.

In 1914, Mr. Hinerwadel added salt potatoes to his menu. With their rapid rise in popularity, Mr. Hinerwadel sold salt potato kits, which included five pounds of small white potatoes and 12 ounces of salt, so the DIY’ers could make ‘em at home.

The bags of potatoes with the red and yellow sun are still sold in Syracuse today. Sorry folks they’re not available for sale online.

The Hinerwadel family has sold millions of bags of salt potatoes, and unlike McDonalds’ they’re still counting. Making Hinerwadel’s Famous Original Salt Potatoes synonymous with Syracuse.

A link to Hinerwadels website. Because there are no images of Mr. Hinerwadel online.

A link to Hinerwadel’s website. Because there are no images of the esteemed Mr. Hinerwadel available.

Speaking of Syracuse and Hinerwadel’s, let’s turn it over to our own BoFN’s Syracuse man-on-the-street reporter, Mark Bialczak.

Mark: “Having moved to Syracuse in 1983, I soon was introduced to the teeny-tiny potato dusted with salt and doused in melted butter. Genius! I’ve never figured out how they get the potatoes to stop growing at such a tender young age, but who am I to quibble. As far as I was concerned they were a poor man’s lobster tail. I’m known to dip the rest of the picnic in the drawn butter, as well. Burger … perfect for the corn on the cob, you know?

Not only that, I’ve been fortunate enough to attend a number of clambakes at Hinerwadel’s, the joint run by the family. Their food spreads are legendary. Barbecued meats, fixin’s, clams, shrimp, salt potatoes, salt potatoes, salt potatoes, beer, beer, beer. Ahhhhhhhh. Some company or charity is throwing a clambake there every weekend day from May to September.”

Thank you, Mark!

Well folks, you heard it here first.

If I’m ever in central New York, I’ll visit Hinerwadel’s. I’m positive when I finish eating, my hiner will waddle. Mmmmmm.

Tracy — Fannie Cranium’s Guide to Irreverent Wisdom

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The Funniest, Strangest and Most Impressive Names of NCAA March Madness 2015 : Complete Your Funny Name Bracket

Hello basketball fans and funny names enthusiasts! Today we bring these two fine groups of people together to celebrate the greatest, most uniquely piquant, and fantastically humorous names in college basketball. Yes, we’re going deep into the NCAA March Madness tournament of 2015, and I’m bringing my big sack of superlatives today. Oh yeah!

As the tournament gears towards the Final Four stage this weekend, I’m going to eschew the tournament bracket format and categorize the finest names by completely arbitrary means instead. But do scroll on down to the bottom to vote for your favorites, and perhaps we’ll run a tournament with the best of the best later! You never know, it’s March Madness (strictly speaking April but Madness does not care for calendars).

Most Distinguished

There are plenty of funny names in the final 64, but a tournament that contains a team called Butler should have its fair share of distinguished gentleman names. Here, 2015 does not disappoint. Here is your Final Four in this category :

  • Basil Smotherman – Purdue
  • Rodell Wigginton – Buffalo
  • Roosevelt Jones – Butler
  • Sir’Dominic Pointer – St. John’s

Pleasing to see that Butler was kind enough to include someone who sounds like they could be an actual butler in their lineup. Being a Sir is obviously so distinguished, that Mr. Pointer’s success in the sport could be attributed to the opposition having to bow every time they come across him on the court.

A funny name butler

A funny name for you, sir?

Moving on to the vaunted “There’s Just a Nice Ring to It” category. Our finalists are :

  • Romelo Trimble – Maryland
  • Deng Deng – Baylor
  • Denzel Valentine – Michigan St.
  • Tavarius Shine – Oklahoma St.

Denzel Valentine’s debut album, “Just for You Babe (P.S. There’s Chocolate in There)” is available in your local Starbucks now.

Most Likely to Have Driven a Tractor While Listening to Carrie Underwood Award

  • Dusty Hannahs – Arkansas
  • Rusty Reigel – Davidson

Tough match-up here, but since their first names rhyme I’m going to award them both as winners. Hooray!

Funny Name March Madness Canada

Beautiful Montrezl, Canada

What Kind of Name Is That? Merit Award

  • Rauno Nurger – Wichita State
  • Kibret Woldemichael – San Diego State
  • Parker U’u – San Diego State
  • Montrezl Harrell – Louisville

Extra points to the San Diego State team for a double appearance in a Final Four. Louisville’s Montrezl Harrell wins my coveted “Possible Canadian Typo” award this year.

These Just the Best to Say Category

  • Venky Jois – Eastern Washington
  • Christian McCoggle – Texas Southern
  • Ryan McClurg – Texas
  • Scoochie Smith – Dayton

Scoochie is the best name I’ve ever heard, and acts as a perfect counterbalance to the rather ordinary Smith. This, is in my opinion, one of the better names in basketball. And there’s some competition out there.

Honorary Mentions

  • Wes Washpun – Northern Iowa
  • Marcanvis Hymon – Ole Miss
  • Lourawls Nairn – Michigan St.
  • Bush Wamukota – Wichita State

It makes sense that they would like their puns clean in Iowa. Great alliterative names are also always welcome here, as are basketball players named after Rhythm & Blues singers.

Booming Northern Iowa cityscape.

Booming Northern Iowa cityscape.

Well, that’s it for the Funny Names Blog 2015 March Madness roundup. Hope you enjoyed some of these names, and feel free to vote for your favorite from each category below!

We here will be rooting for Michigan State in the Final Four, as they’re the only team left in the tournament with any representatives in our roundup, and they’ve got two! Go Michiganders!

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Welcome to Earth, Dashiel Edan – daughter of Milla Jovovich

Milla and Paul

Pregnant Milla and Paul (Credit: Splash News)

A breaking news update!

Funny names blog fixture, zombie-killer, and actress/model/musician Milla Jovovich and her husband, director Paul W.S. Anderson have welcomed a delightful little kidlet into the world. Their baby girl has been named Dashiel Edan.

To tell you the truth, we (and by we, I mean Dave, who is me) have all been eagerly anticipating the naming of this little child, whose birth was announced on April Fools Day, and led us to wonder if this was for real or not. It’s possible that it’s the most impressive, highly-orchestrated April Fool’s pregnancy announcement ever, but..

Milla & Ever, enjoying fine foods with chopsticks!

Milla & Ever, enjoying fine foods with chopsticks! (credit: Milla Jovovich’s Instagram)

at Funny Names HQ, we know that the Jovovich-Anderson family loves awesome names, as we’ve previously featured the delightful Ever Gabo, who is still the youngest person to earn a standalone post on this blog.  So the name Dashiel Edan is very much in keeping with Jovovich-Anderson naming conventions.

Little Ever is now 7 years old, and though she is no longer slaying zombies with somersault kicks (or so we think…), she is presumably doing equally awesome things. According to E!’s interview with Jovovich:

“She keeps saying, ‘Don’t get her anything new. She can wear all my clothes,'” Jovovich says, and adds with a laugh, “She’s so economical.”

Way to be frugal, Ever!

Congratulations to the entire Anderson-Jovovich family, and best wishes in the days, weeks, months and years ahead!

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