The Blog of Funny Names

Professional sports has a long and honorable tradition of funny names. We’ve already covered a few of those here, but happily, that well will not run dry too fast.

Here are the fifteen funniest names gleamed from the NHL’s current rosters for the ongoing season.

Bobby Butler, Ottawa Senators
Alliteration is always helpful for reaching that funny sound we search for. It helps when your last name also means something, and when it stands for a profession that sounds kind of humorous in its own right, we can only come to one conclusion. Bobby Butler is a winner.

Tyler Bozak, Toronto Maple Leafs
Just listen to that sound. Bozak. Boe-zak! It’s a great sound effect for a cartoon, or that 60′s Batman show. Even better, Mr. Bozak hails from Regina, the town that rhymes with fun.

Jay Beagle
I wonder if coaches or opponents ever give him some “come ‘ere, boy, come ‘ere!” taunts.

Alexander Semin, Washington Capitals
No comment.

Grant Clitsome, Columbus Blue Jackets
*cough*. Now that’s a name straight out of Boogie Nights.

Francis Bouillon, Nashville Predators
Francis makes some delicious soups. Sounds tough.

David Legwand, Nashville Predators
Now there’s a name that just brings to mind all kinds of weird mental images. Fun stuff though, like homeless magicians waving their limbs around to make stuff happen.

Lance Bouma, Calgary Flames
I don’t even know why this one is funny, it just kind of sounds right. Lance is a pretty badass name, maybe that’s why it works.

Cal Clutterbuck, Minnesota Wild
Oh Clutterbuck.Cal Clutterbuck has one of the greatest last names in the world, open to all sorts of fun rhyming games. Mr. Clutterbuck’s handsome mustache also adds to his mystique.

Cal Clutterbuck is more than just a funny name. He also has the handsomest mustache on ice.

Jared Spurgeon, Minnesota Wild
His name rhymes with one of the funnier sounding fish, so he qualifies.

Clayton Stoner, Minnesota Wild
The third member of the Wild on this list, they seem to collect amusing names over there. Don’t let his name fool you though, he’s no slacker, having worked his way up to the big leagues after five years burrowing in the minors.

Byron Bitz, Vancouver Canucks
We already had one post with endless Itsy Bitsy rhyming schemes, so I’ll spare you. His nickname is of course….Bitzie. Which is really hardcore in that ultraviolent, dangerous game of hockey.

Vernon Fiddler, Dallas Stars
Fiddler appropriately got his first break in hockey playing in Nashville. He’s since been spreading his country music charm all around the southern parts of United States, playing for Phoenix and now Dallas.

Kyle Chipchura, Phoenix Coyotes
Another member of the “it’s just fun to say” group, Kyle Chipchurra hails from Northern Alberta, and has strayed all the way south to Phoenix to escape the cold.

Raffi Torres, Phoenix Coyotes
One of just four players of Latin American descent to have played in the National Hockey League, Torres’ birth name was the Ninja Turtles- inspired Raphael. He goes by the scruffier, more fun “Raffi” in his playing career, to the delight of us all.

Florian Maria Georg Christian, Graf Henckel von Donnersmarck (you may exhale), is a German film director. He was born into a noted German noble family, the Henckel von Donnersmarcks, thus granting him his rather extraordinary name, which must be a bit of a drag when filling out forms at the DMV.

Young Florian grew up quite the cosmopolitan, spending his childhood in New York, Brussels, Frankfurt and Berlin. He studied Russian Literature in Russia (where else?) and is a qualified teacher of Russian as a foreign language, even though it’s not his first language. Or second. Or third. Henckel von Donnersmarck is fluent in at least five languages, and I’m guessing has some abilities in at least a few more.

He rose to international fame with his 2006 film The Lives of Others, which is highly recommended to anyone who enjoys movies that are really, really good. He won the Academy Award for best foreign language film in the 2007 Oscars and gave a wonderfully eloquent acceptance speech, something not often heard from the recipient of the foreign film award. (Although there is something to be said for just saying all the words in English you know and then throwing out a reference to an 80′s rock classic).

Mr. Henckel von Donnersmarck then went on to direct the widely panned The Tourist, which nevertheless won three Golden Globes nominations and was a worldwide hit with audiences. Intriguingly, Donnersmarck said he took the job because it was a short gig he could do in less than a year and the subject matter was light, providing a break from the rather dark film he was working on at the time. I’m sure the paycheck was alright too.

That, in short, is the story of Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck up to now. We leave you now to ponder the width of his business cards and that look of confusion on the faces of the many assistants trying to read out his name as they call him in from their waiting rooms.