Monthly Archives: April 2012

Inga DeCarlo Fung Marchand

Pam Grier as Foxy Brown

Today’s post is about Foxy Brown. If you came of age during the 70′s, there’s a good chance you know Foxy Brown as a genre-defining 1974 blaxploitation film starring Pam Grier as an afro-sporting vigilante. I’ve never seen the movie, but it piqued my interest because blaxploitation is the best-named film genre ever, and as you’ll soon see, the film’s promotional poster was equally ridiculous.

This is before you even learn about the protagonist:

“[Foxy Brown is] a ‘whole lot of woman’ who showcases unrelenting black sexiness while battling the villains.” - Official description from a Los Angeles Times review

Not only might that be the most amazing character description in the history of ever, it also sounds right in keeping with our blog’s overarching themes of history, trivia, culture, and a bucket of silliness. Yet somehow, today’s post is not about the movie Foxy Brown.

Inga DeCarlo Fung Marchand, aka Foxy Brown

It’s about a young lady named Inga DeCarlo Fung Marchand, who saw this movie and was inspired to adopt the stage name Foxy Brown and emulate the character’s tough-as-nails attitude, in the process of carving out one of the most successful female hip hop careers ever.

Foxy Brown the rapper went on to release three albums – two platinum, one gold – which all reached the U.S. Billboard top 10, including 1999′s Chyna Doll, which reached number one on the U.S. Billboard charts. This gives her more number one albums than Tom Petty – with or without the Heartbreakers – has ever had.

Born in Brooklyn and raised by a single mother, Inga DeCarlo Fung Marchand (who in 2001 was briefly engaged to a guy named Spragga Benz) sounds like a successful, hardcore lady.  For over a year (between 2005-06), she suffered from sudden hearing loss, and rather than use a hearing aid, she preferred to have someone tap beats on her shoulder while she was recording her music.

So now you can answer a Jeopardy! question (or do you question a Jeopardy! answer?) asking you to name two musicians who composed and performed music while deaf.

Who are Foxy Brown and Beethoven, Alex?

… and we know just the person who can help her do that.

You also know how to respond to a Jeopardy! thing about two artists who released only three albums, but saw an album go #1, two albums go platinum, and all three albums reach the top 10 during their lifetime.

Who are Inga DeCarlo Fung Marchand and Jimi Hendrix, Alex?

Until someone proves me wrong with actual research, I’m willing to wager that those are the only two artists who fit that description. Unfortunately, it might stay that way because depression and some subsequent assault charges have slowed down Foxy’s career over the past few years. We hope she can get her career back on track and battle her demons.

(Dave’s note: if after enlarging that thumbnail, there isn’t some part of you that’s intrigued and amused by this unique cultural artifact, give me an address where I can mail the epoxy glue you’ll need to repair your fractured soul)

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Ed Balls

Ed Balls had a tough childhood. Not because he was poor, or weak, or had lots of little red pimples on his face all the time or anything. No, none of those things are true. What is true is that his last name is Balls. Knowing kids, we can imagine them having been absolutely merciless to him. Add to that his admission that he suffered from a bad stammer as a child and his formative years must have been torture.

Ed Balls is The Shadow..........Chancellor...um, for...he's what? British political terms are weird.

Mr. Balls admitted as much in an interview with British “newspaper” The Daily Mirror, saying “ I was teased and bullied right through my school years about my name…That’s why my kids took my wife’s surname Cooper. I’d never dream of calling them Balls.”

A wise decision. Strangely, I dream of calling my children Balls all the time.

So who is this Ed Balls I speak of? Like many of the people featured on this blog who were bullied for their name as child, Ed Balls left all that behind and managed to climb to the top.  Mr. Balls is now one of the most high-profile politicians in England, having occupied highly placed positions within the (left-wing) Labour party for the past decade or so.

This, of course, is much to the delight of newspaper headline writers, who for some reason just love to talk about Balls’s meetings with anyone named Johnson.

Wikipedia tells me Balls is currently the Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer. I don’t know what that is, but it sounds like some sort of banking superhero meets school principal position, and I can roll with that. Balls was preceded in this position by Alan Johnson, leading some (me, mostly) to suspect some form of reference to one’s man-parts in your name are all the qualifications you need for the gig.

Balls is also a patron of the non-profit British Stammering Association, whose Chief Executive Norbert Lieckfeldt in 2010 praised Balls for having openly spoken of his childhood stammer. There’s a pun in there somewhere but I will leave that for our commenters to figure out.

 

Don't you just hate it when Johnson quits on you? At least you can count on Balls taking over.

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Gylfi Sigurðsson

Gylfi Þór Sigurðsson – also known as Gylfi “Cut and Paste” Sigurdsson for those lacking Icelandic keyboard capabilities – is a star Icelandic professional footballer – also known as a “soccer player” for those lacking European sporting tendencies.

I wonder what his Viking ancestors think of his outfit?

Born in September, 1989, Sigurðsson, who now plays with Swansea City of the Barclay’s English Premier League, rose from the town of Hafnarfjörður (26,000 people, a.k.a. Iceland’s third largest “city”) to accomplish more by age 22 than the authors of this blog have accomplished so far, combined.

According to Wikipedia, he is a central attacking midfielder, who is also a specialist on set-pieces and possesses excellent long-range shooting ability.

What is a set-piece, you may ask? Well, I don’t know either, and the fact that we both had to ask that question probably means that we aren’t set-piece specialists like Gylfi Þór Sigurðsson. Maybe Christ Bongo has an idea.

Just reading up on him, I kind of get the sense that Gylfi is one of those impressive overachievers that you need to resent out of sheer admiration. Further evidence of this: despite claiming to be “not into fishing,” he was named chairman of a fishing company called ‘Lotna ehf’ last year, and the company’s exploits in lumpfish, cod, catfish and plaice fishing make Sigurðsson a prominent member of Iceland’s fishing industry.

P.S. Go Wigan!

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Learned Hand

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The only things greater than his "learned hands" were his bountiful eyebrows.

Billings Learned Hand (1872-1961), a United States judge and judicial philosopher, had a brilliant legal mind and has been quoted more often than any other lower-court judge by legal scholars and the US Supreme Court.

Named after his uncle and grandfather (both named Billings Peck Learned), Hand attended Harvard, where he became a member of the school’s Hasty Pudding Club (an on-campus social group) and also appeared in a school musical as a blond-wigged chorus girl.

Hand was known as a strong defender of civil liberties, and made many important decisions concerning the right to free speech. He was also fascinated by patent law.

It makes sense that people born with bizarrely worded names – Outerbridge Horsey III, Archibald Hall Throckmorton, Salmon P. Chase, and now Learned Hand – would be naturally gifted in deciphering the notoriously bizarre terminology of the legal field.

Whatever the topic, Hand was an excellent writer whose work continues to be referenced to this day, making his work a handy  resource for the learned men and women in charge of important legal decisions.

Kees A. Schouhamer Immink

Dr. Kornelis Antonie “Kees” A. Schouhamer Immink is not just a mouthful, he’s also one of the most significant engineering figures of the 20th century. Several sources state that it is impossible to hear any digital audio or watch digital video that does not somehow reflect the work of Immink. Next time you pop in that old Hanson CD, just know, you only have it because of (deep breath) Kees A. Schouhamer Immink.

This award from the Funny Names Blog is for being a total badass and for having a name long enough to have to be carved all the way around the base of the statue.

Immink was born in the city of Rotterdam in the Netherlands in 1946. At the age of 21 he received his B.S degree from his hometown university (Bachelor of Science that is, not a BS degree like some of us). He joined the Philips company’s famous research labs right after graduating with his Bachelor’s and went on to work there for some thirty years.

Among the devices and technologies Dr. Immink has been instrumental in developing are the CD, CD-ROM, DVD and Blu-Ray Discs. His own website states he holds over 1000 patents in addition to 70 U.S patents. According to my calculations that would amount to about 22 patents for every year of his life thus far. Which is impressive. Although I am admittedly not a Professor of Experimental Mathematics at Essen University in Germany as Dr. Immink is, so I may be wrong.

If you clicked on that website link, you may have found that, unexpectedly for someone on the forefront of science like Dr. Immink, his website appears to have been stuck in 1997. I suppose that can happen with someone busy earning a new patent every three weeks since their 18th birthday.

Even better, Dr. Immink is not done yet. He has been running his own company , Turing Machines Inc., since 1998. We eagerly await new inventions and ways we can digitally store the contents of the Funny Names Blog on physical discs inside the sleeve of a Neil Diamond CD.

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