Another Friday, another Funny Names In the News! I’ve been accumulating some random links and names this week, so let’s get started.
First, I was looking online somewhere and saw a headline featuring a four word title that left me absolutely befuddled.
“Cher Lloyd Urine Bombed“
What?! Did Cher Lloyd Urine bomb? Did Cher say that Lloyd Urine had bombed, and they just forgot to add the punctuation? Was it just a post about a poor person named Cher Lloyd Urine Bombed?
I had to click. It turned out that the link was to a MySpace “What’s Hot” article (a.k.a. a MySpace “Things that remind us of ourselves 7 years ago” article) about British pop star Cher Lloyd, who had bottles of urine thrown at her while on stage. Poor girl.
Her response: “It’s hard enough being up here, but it’s not nice having bottles of piss chucked at you.” In my imaginary filing system for quotes, I’ll tag that one with “The Can’t Argue With That Department” and “Not Quite Judson C. Welliver Speechwriting Material… But What Is?”
Being a long-time funny names enthusiast, I will always replace the name Cher with “Cher, nee Cherilyn Sarkisian LaPiere Bono“, and the name Lloyd conjures images of my funny Ukrainian uncle who still uses mildly racist terms like negro and Oriental, but tells some crackerjack stories! Needless to say, the name Cher Lloyd therefore passes my funny names test, whether or not she was urine bombed.
Speaking of speechwriting and stages and things like that, Clint Eastwood decided not to hire speechwriters and ad-libbed a newsworthy speech at the Republican National Convention last night, where he addressed a chair that represented President Obama, while simultaneously endorsing Willard Mitt Romney.
We normally avoid politics on this blog, instead keeping things fun and light, but after featuring RNC chairman (but not really a chair), Reince “i before e, except when it isn’t“ Priebus in last week’s funny names in the news, we realized it’s hard to talk about news these days without touching on some politics.
- So we’ll instead employ an equal time provision to try to keep it about 50/50 in terms of coverage. “Speech of the Night” goes to Mr. Eastwood, and “Tweet of the Night” goes to (presumably) liberal columnist Jamelle Bouie, who tweeted “This is a perfect representation of the campaign: an old white man arguing with an imaginary Barack Obama.” For people who disagree with the term “political theater,” I urge you to reconsider.
Politics wasn’t the only thing on CNN this week. Flipping through channels, I stumbled upon a pretty fantastic panel of people. On the Dr. Drew program, they featured a pretty impressive trifecta of Dr. Drew Pinsky, Dr. Ruth Westheimer and “The People’s Matchmaker” Siggy Flicker talking about an array of sex and love-related topics that inexplicably didn’t include how awesome their names are. If I had the chance to talk with them, I’d tell them that if they didn’t start talking about how cool their names were, I’d start making out with a bougainvillea. Knowing those wackadoodles, though, they’d probably decide it was more important to focus on the last part of that sentence.
- In more personal news, while volunteering at a hospital, I was privileged to meet a surgeon on Wednesday who I thought was named “Doctor Yu” and then was blown away by the fact that the guy’s last name was actually “U”. That’s his entire last name. He was a brilliant and hilarious guy who joked I should get my head scanned for wanting to go into medicine. It was a pleasure seeing him operate.
- Finally, I stumbled upon an article entitled “Cornelius: I am the face of suicide.” It’s a sad but uplifting article about a man who has started a suicide prevention foundation after his father, TV host Don Cornelius, committed suicide earlier this year, following a series of tragic and horrible complications following an ill-fated brain operation. Perhaps if Don had seen the “Corneli are Never Superfluous Truism“, it would have brought a bit more happiness to his life after taking such a tragic turn.
That’s it for this week. Stay tuned for an exciting time next Monday when I feature someone whose name is so famous, you forget how ridiculous it is, and enjoy your weekend!