Category Archives: Uncategorized

Siegfried Fischbacher, Roy Horn, and Their White Tigers

Madonna, Britney, Hillary, Elvis, Kobe. There are some people who the whole world seems to know on a first name basis. Siegfried Fischbacher is one of those people.

Best known as part of the famed duo Siegfreid and Roy, Mr. Fischbacher first met his partner Roy Horn in 1959 when they were both workers on a German ocean liner: Siegfried as a 20-year-old cabin steward and Roy as a 15-year-old waiter. But the German-born cruise-hands weren’t your typical employees. Siegfried, a traditional magician/illusionist, began performing magic for some of the passengers, and was later allowed to have his own show with Roy as his assistant.

Roy Horn smuggled one of these things on to a ship. Siegfried's response: "let's work together more often."

Roy Horn smuggled one of these things on to a ship. Siegfried’s response: “let’s do this more often.”

And in the kind of genius stroke you’d expect from a high school sophomore, Roy decided to commemorate his big break into showbiz by smuggling a freaking cheetah onto the shipRoy, who had a history with exotic animals, had “come to know” Chico the cheetah during his frequent trips to Germany’s Bremer Zoo.

Just your average teen service employee slash animal lover capturing a carnivorous zoo animal and smuggling it onto a manned ocean liner. Seems normal.

Apparently someone wanted to really lay it on thick that the sixties were a very different time period, so instead of firing Roy or, you know, arresting him for about a dozen things, they decided to give Siegfried and Roy their own show. The duo then moved to Las Vegas, bought a residence together, and were given a regular engagement in Sin City. Because there’s no box for “Rejected due to cheetah smuggling” on immigration forms, Siegfried and Roy became naturalized citizens and in 1972 were voted show of the year.

Their huge break, though, came in 1990, when Steve Wynn – the developer of The Mirage, a brand spankin’ new resort and casino – signed the duo to a $57.5 million guaranteed annual contract.  They became an inseparable part of the Mirage brand, and in 2000, were the 9th-highest-paid celebrities in the U.S., just behind Steven Spielberg.

They continued to build on their success, earning a spot on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and in 2001, were given a lifetime contract with the hotel. Unfortunately, after 5,750 shows together, their act came to an end on Roy’s 59th birthday (October 3, 2003) due to a life-threatening injury.

Roy with Montecore, and a Montecore-inspired bleached haircut.

Roy with Montecore, and a Montecore-inspired bleached haircut.

According to Wynn, and substantiated by Siegfried, a woman with a “big hairdo” in the front row “fascinated and distracted” a white tiger named Montecore who had performed with the duo for many years. When she reached out to pet Montecore, Roy stepped between them, and Montecore grabbed Horn’s arm. Horn tripped and Montecore grabbed Horn’s neck to try to bring him to safety, not realizing Roy didn’t have the thick neck skin that tigers have. As Roy was rushed to Nevada’s University Medical Center to treat his critical injuries, which included partial paralysis and severe blood loss, he told people “Montecore is a good cat. Make sure no harm comes to Montecore.”

That hairdo ended up being costly, as the show was closed after the attack, 267 cast members were laid off, and The Mirage experienced untold millions of losses in ticket sales and casino money.

The story ends happily, however. Roy believes he’d actually had a stroke that led to his tripping, and credited the seven-year-old cat for dragging him to safety. Though the show closed after the attack, Roy regained his ability to speak and walk, thanks in large part to the assistance of his friend and roommate (for five decades) Siegfried Fischbacher. Siegfried and Roy returned to do a final series of shows, including a 2009 performance with Montecore, now 12-years-old. In 2010, Siegfried and Roy performed their final show, with their manager calling it “the dot at the end of the sentence.”

Though their show is over, their pop culture influence is long-lasting. The Simpsons lampooned Siegfried and Roy, and raising questions about the true nature of their relationship. The Michael Jackson song “Mind is the Magic,” is about the duo as well. In 1997, a South African College of Magic established a Siegfried and Roy grant to help provide disadvantaged youngsters the opportunity to pursue careers in the world of magic. Pretty darn snazzy if you ask me!

Roy, a white lion, and Siegfried pose in their living room (seriously) in a battle to determine whose blond haircut is the snazziest. The result: a three-way tie between the lion, Siegfried's jacket, and Roy's ginormous belt buckle. Let us know in the comment section what your favorite part of this photo is.

Roy, a white lion, and Siegfried pose in their living room (seriously) in a battle to determine whose blond haircut is the snazziest.  Let us know in the comment section what your favorite part of this photo is.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Eppa “Jephtha” Rixey

Eppa “Jephtha” Rixey (1891-1963) didn’t want to be a pro ballplayer. Like most people who don’t want to be pro ballplayers, he ended up in baseball’s Hall of Fame.

Eppa’s story is an interesting one. While playing ball at the University of Virginia, Jephtha was spotted by umpire Cy Rigler, who tried to get Rixey to sign with the Phillies. Rixey declined, saying he wanted to be a chemist, but Rigler insisted, and Rixey eventually accepted the deal. The National League created a rule prohibiting umpires from signing players. But who cares – Jephtha was in the door.

Eppa looks like a man stoked on life!

Eppa looks like a man stoked on life!

Rixey, whose uncles were John Franklin Rixey, a congressman, and Presley Marion Rixey, Surgeon General of the US Navy, proceeded to amass the most wins for any left-handed pitcher at the time of his retirement. Rixey finished his career with a 266-251 record and a 3.15 ERA. Rixey was a tough competitor on the field (and was known for destroying locker rooms or disappearing for a few days after a loss), but an amiable Southern gentleman off of it. Fun fact – he was once traded two guys by the names of Jimmy Ring and Greasy Neale. The only time a Jephtha was ever traded for a Greasy, to my knowledge.

For those of you who are curious, the nickname Jephtha was apparently created by Cincinnati sportswriter Bill Phelon. Although I have no idea why. In a somewhat odd observation, Eppa commented that the nickname “sounds like a cross between a Greek letter fraternity and a college yell.”

Although Eppa’s record wasn’t that stellar (he holds the Major League record for losses by a left-hander), the Veteran’s Committee voted to elect Jephtha to the Hall of Fame in 1963. Upon his election, he quipped, “they’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel, aren’t they?”

You go, Eppa Rixey!

Elon Musk – The Man Behind Everything

This blog was started by three young gentlemen, whom you could call enterprising if you really wanted to. I mean, who would stop you? You can say whatever you want around here. One of our founders is particularly enterprising, but even Dr. Dave would have to admit that a young man named Elon Musk fits that description better than any of us. And even better, his name is Elon Musk.

Not that kind of musk.

Not that kind of musk.

Elon grew up in South Africa during a time when travel out of the country was restricted for most citizens. In spite of this, he managed to tour most of Africa, 18 of the American States, the Middle East, much of Europe, and possibly Narnia and Oz before he turned 18, although I have no confirmation of the latter two. He left the country to pursue an enterprising life in North America, moving to his mother’s native land of Canada at the age of 18. He attended college there for two years before moving south of the border to the University of Pennsylvania, where he graduated with a dual major in Business and Physics, as you do.

Elon planned to go to graduate school in Stanford after this, but at this point he just couldn’t wait to get started on all that enterprising business. He and his equally well named brother Kimbal Musk started an internet startup called Zip2 which they promptly sold to Altavista for more than $300 million. Ah, the all American success story.

How did he decide to spend his fortune? Well, if I was him I would definitely have started a cologne company. I mean, what better name for a manly scent product than MUSK could there be?

Elon went another way. He decided to continue pursuing his passions, which include the three “most important problems that would most affect the future of humanity”. These three fields of interest did not include beer pong, making cologne or writing a blog about people with funny names. Instead, they were the internet, clean energy, and space exploration. Hey, those things are cool too.

After his first internet company, Musk and his colleagues got involved with another online entity, which later became known as PayPal. You could say he was somewhat successful with that one.

Elon Musk, looking cool in front of the friggin' car he made.

Elon Musk, looking cool in front of the friggin’ car he made.

With the conquering of the internet now out of the way, Elon decided to go for the whole energy thing since no one else seemed to be bothering with genius innovations in that area. He co-founded Tesla Motors, the electric car company. In fact, Musk himself directly oversaw the development of the company’s Tesla Roadster car and acts as their head product designer. About a year ago, Tesla was valued at about $1 billion. Meanwhile, according to an ad website, funnynamesblog.com is valued at $48. Hey, I think that’s pretty good!

At this point Musk was feeling kinda bored and didn’t have enough on his plate, so he initiated SolarCity, and still sits on that company’s board. More of that clean energy thing, SolarCity is the largest provider of solar systems in the United States. So I guess you could say that went pretty well also. Even better, his amusingly named cousin Lyndon Rive is the company’s cofounder.

An artist's representation of Musk's space exploration plan.

An artist’s representation of Musk’s space exploration plan.

So what’s the deal with the space exploration, I’m sure you’re asking. I’m getting there. Musk also founded a company called SpaceX (he must have an army of assistants filing all this paperwork). SpaceX, to put it in plain English, makes space rockets. That, of course, is awesome. Musk hopes to send humans to Mars in the next 10-20 years, although he did not specify which ones and what he wants them to do there. All the same, we’ll be waiting for whatever his next venture is, and probably buying a share or two in it just to be safe. Or maybe we’ll just keep writing blogs about funny named people. Yeah, that seems good too.

Tagged , , , , , , ,

Sandal Scandal, Funny Names at the NFL Draft Update and Reindeer-Herring Entertainment, It’s Funny Names in the News!

Hey, hey, hey! Its Friday again and that means it’s another knee-slapping edition of Funny Names in the News! I won’t reveal why I will be slapping you in the knee, just saying….watch out.

Bless you.

Bless you.

You may have noticed we missed last week’s FNITN due to myself being on a “business trip” to New York City instead of telling tales of funny names – but I’m back! Coinciding with my appearance in that little town over yonder was the start of the Tribeca Film Festival, that eccentric display of independent, obscure and delightful movies about herring and such.

Of course, our marvelous culture correspondent Amb also spotted the start of the festival and zeroed in on a particular film in the program this year : Aatsinki : The Story of Arctic Cowboys, a film about “a family of reindeer herders in Finnish Lapland as they give tourists sleigh rides and battle the elements.” This qualifies in my book as a funny-named film. Especially since as a Finn, I cannot make sense of that title and it definitely sounds funny to me. Thanks Amb!

Next, this week’s edition of our award-winning coverage of Questionable Footwear Naming Decisions, we bring you a tale of the Target Sandal Scandal. You see, the distinguished shopping chain Target has a new line of sandals, and they’ve named it Orina. You don’t have to know Spanish to figure out that this means something you don’t want to step into, but inevitably will most Wednesdays in the men’s room of the local Irish pub. And you don’t want to be wearing sandals when that happens.

The FCC has not given us any grief for our irreverent content so far, and I think I know why. Their current chairman Julius Genachowski has a very funny name, and is apparently fairly lenient, letting David “Big Papi” Ortiz off the hook for using a -*gasp*- expletive during a live broadcast of a Boston Red Sox game this week. I think they’re finally catching on to the fact that no one cared about Janet Jackson’s not-actually-exposed nipple and no one definitely cares about a guy named Big Papi saying a naughty word. Way to go, Julius!

I'm just attaching this picture here because I'm super hungry.

I’m just attaching this picture here because I’m super hungry.

This week’s Excellent Reportage of Funny Names by a Person with a Funny Name Award is hereby granted to Dave Dildine for his fun little piece on strange road names in the D.C. area. Check it out here. Liz, I’m thinking you’ll get a kick out of English Muffin Way, which does sound a delicious route to take, no matter how you slice it.

The NFL draft began last night, as you well know. Here’s Funny Names Blog’s Senior Sports Correspondent Mark Sackler with the big news on which funny names went to which teams this time around :

Cordarrelle Patterson.  Minnesota drafted his belt and bow tie 29th.  I think they got him, too.

Cordarrelle Patterson. Minnesota drafted his belt and bow tie 29th. I think they got him, too.

Well Arto, the first round is history.  As anticipated Barkevious Mingo, a defensive end from LSU,  was the first of our funniest name nominees to be drafted, going at #6 to the Cleveland Browns.   Star Lotulelei, a defensive tackle from Utah, was the next funny name nominee to come off the board, going to Carolina at #14.   We reported originally that Monti Te’o would probably be a late first round pick, but he didn’t get chosen.  Somebody early in today’s 2nd round will pick him up and get his mock girl friend as a bonus.  Still to be chosen from our funniest names roster are also Cornellius “Tank” Carradine, Blidi Wreh-Wilson and Bacarri Rambo.  They should all go in the 2nd and 3rd rounds today.  All but one of our honorable mention names went in the first round as well.  Only Darius Slay remains from that group.  It’s also worth noting that while University of Tennessee wide receiver Cordarrelle Patterson didn’t quite make the funny name cut, he certainly deserves some sort of recognition for the funniest overall combined look and name.

Be sure to vote in the poll for your favorite funny name in the 2013 draft class below – vote as many times as you like, and check back next week for the winner :

Tagged , ,

What should we call Arto?

So Arto decided to head out to Atlanta, Georgia to do supposedly important “real world” things last week without inviting any of his Blog of Funny Names coauthors or leaving us with any of his delightful material.That’s why there was no Funny Names in The News on Friday, which made Amber cry a single digital tear.

So here’s a little contest (and our first post since Wednesday):

What’s the best silly-sounding insult you’ve heard or come up with? The winner(s) will receive the grand prize: I will personally refer to Arto by the chosen name the next time I see him (which should be either Tuesday or Friday of this week), and also has their brilliance broadcast to everyone who reads this blog!

The only rule: keep it Kosher folks! I prefer to keep my diction out of the gutter, and every now and then, my mother reads this blog, so no X-rated or offensive names. Just silly stuff like Dillweed or Bumpus or Outerbridge or Puddnhead or Jerusalem Artichoke or Biscuit Pants (yes, I created that redirect page myself five years ago, thanks for asking).

And honestly, our favorite Finn is getting off comparatively easy this time!

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 909 other followers