Shania at the 2011 Juno Awards. Copyright (c) Sara Collaton

Born Eilleen Regina Edwards, August 28, 1965 in Windsor, Ontario, Canada, to Sharon and Clarence Edwards. Her parents divorced when she was two and her mother moved to Timmons, Ontario.

There her mother married Jerry Twain, an Ojibwa (First Nation), when she was six. Jerry adopted Eilleen and her sisters. They changed their name to Twain. Two younger brothers entered the picture.

They were poor and often went hungry, so Eilleen learned to hunt. Coming full circle, she was voted in 2001 as PETA’s very first “Sexiest Vegetarian Alive.”

At the tender age of 8, Eilleen started singing in bars to make ends meet. Generally earning $20 between midnight and one in the morning performing for the remaining customers after the bar stopped serving.

At thirteen, she made her first television appearance on CBC television’s The Tommy Hunter Show.

Her parents stormy relationship caused a family split for two years, the family reunited in 1981. Shortly after, she worked for her father in his reforestation business in northern Ontario.

Even though the pay was low and the work demanding, Twain said of her time there, “I loved the feeling of being stranded. I’m not afraid of being in my own environment, being physical, working hard. I was very strong, I walked miles and miles every day and carried heavy loads of trees. You can’t shampoo, use soap or deodorant, or makeup, nothing with any scent; you have to bathe and rinse your clothes in the lake. It was a very rugged existence, but I was very creative and I would sit alone in the forest with my dog and a guitar and would just write songs”.

Nearly thirty years later, she joined Scentstories by Febreze to create a limited edition scent disc with the proceeds going to America’s Second Harvest. While she toured that year the two combined scents were released in the concert venue during the show. They are not the scents listed in the above link.

After high school she left Timmons to pursue a music career. However, her parents died in a car crash, November 1, 1987, when she was 22. She moved back to Timmons to raise her younger siblings.

Her break came in 1993. She changed her name to Shania, allegedly an Ojibwa word meaning “on my way”. With the release of her album, Shania Twain, she gained an audience outside Canada. I’m glad she did.

Music Producer, Robert John “Mutt” Lange met with Shania in June 1993 at the Nashville Fan Fair after many telephone conversations. He produced and co-wrote many of the songs on her second album, The Woman in Me. At the time it was unlike anything in country music.

They married December 28, 1993, having one child, Eja (pronounced Asia). They divorced June 9, 2010.

Her third album, Come On Over, sold over 40 million copies worldwide, the biggest selling album for any female musician.

She received a star on the Canadian Walk of Fame, Toronto, Ontario, Canada in 2003 and the Order of Canada (O.C., the grade of Officer), Canada’s second highest honor for merit, in 2005.

2011 was a good year for Twain. She married Frederic Nicolas Thiebaud. She had a television show, “Why Not? with Shania Twain” on OWN. She received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

After wrapping up her television show, she signed a two-year contract with Caesars Palace for her show titled “Still The One” which started in December 2012. She is definitely on her way.

Since I somehow landed in a Tuesday sort of sandwich position, In honor of the Davember competition, here is Shania’s nod to Robert Palmer’s Addicted to Love video. Take it away Shania…

You laughing at me?!?

Gennady Gennadyevich Golovkin (Головкин Геннадий Геннадийұлы or Геннадий Геннадьевич Головкин, for our Kazakh and Cyrillic-loving readers out there) is a guy who funny name fans should hope has a good sense of humor, because if not, we’re in for a rough ride. The reason: despite his kind, youthful smile, the man can destroy you. And by you, I mean you, me, and everybody else out there.

In his last thirteen bouts, dating back to the Bush administration, this undefeated boxer has won by knockout. And he wasn’t just beating up guys like Arto and me. His vanquished foes include world champions, undefeated fighters, and guys who had never been stopped before. His last opponent, Nobuhiro Ishida, had recently handed two undefeated fighters their first career losses by 1st round KOs in consecutive fights, and had never been knocked out in a thirteen-year pro career. Golovkin dispatched him within three rounds.

Sergio Martinez and I have recently hatched a plan to destroy Amb with our collective charm. He’s been doing the lion’s share of the work.

It’s well known that I’m a huge fan of Sergio “Maravilla” Martinez, once calling him the most important man in boxing, and travelling to Las Vegas to watch him box last fall. However, since that date, I’ve decided that Martinez – recently ranked as high as #3 in the pound-for-pound lists – will only remain the middleweight division’s kingpin until Gennady Golovkin decides otherwise. That is high praise.

One of the oldest rules in boxing is that “you can’t teach strength” – every professional boxer is an elite athlete, but only a gifted few have the ability to move people with their fists, and Gennady Gennadyevich Golovkin has that in spades. Somewhere between his Kazakh-Korean ancestry, Kazakhstani birth (in Karagandy, Karaganda Province, Kazakhstan, proving that alliteration may be a key to his success), German upbringing and worldwide amateur background lies the recipe for one of the most powerful punchers in boxing history. Golovkin has an 88% KO rate – the greatest in middleweight history and among active world champions, and the third-greatest knockout rate in the history of championship boxing.

Not only has he been undefeated as a pro, but he had a ridiculously amazing record of 345-5 as an amateur, and among his vanquished amateur foes were future world champions Andre Dirrell, Lucian Bute, Andy Lee, and Yordanis Despaigne, who put forth a good fight, but simply couldn’t contend with GGG on the awesome name scorecard category.

What kind of name does it take to defeat Gennady Gennadyevich Golovkin? A name that includes “Gaydar” not once, but twice. Gaydarbek Gaydarbekov defeated Gennady Gennadyevich Golovkin in the finals of the 2004 Athens Olympics, to become one of only five people to beat GGG in nearly 400 fights as an amateur and professional.

Although certainly nowhere near the talent level of the guys I’ve just mentioned, I have my own perfect streak – having never lost a boxing bet I have placed while in Las Vegas (I think I’m 5-0). Friends have started to turn to me for advice and it has made me a pretty popular guy on our semi-annual Nevada vacations. In two weeks, Arto, myself, and a group of friends will be making another pilgrimage to Sin City, and I plan to continue my success streak with a Gennady Golovkin KO victory over tough Irish customer Matthew Macklin. I have high hopes for this one.

Oh, and speaking of winning things, now that I’m a legit college graduate, I can put some time into defeating my delightful, witty, and alarmingly chipper CanCon-compliant co-contributor Amber (who seemed to only stipulate that I needed to last two weeks without cracking, but apparently has now decided I have to outdo her on the compliment train). My strategy: a combination of praise, Gosling/Strombo image juxtapositions, and neuroscientist Ryan Gosling-style taunts. My first offering:

Like GGG, I won’t go down without a fight.

But don’t worry if you don’t know how to speak Newfie – we’ll stick with our usual vernacular. But this week’s post is very much CanCon-compliant. “By golly, what’s that?!?” you may be asking… well let me explain. Back in the early ’70′s, in an effort to bolster Canada’s artistic community, they began requiring that Canadian radio stations play 25% Canadian content, and over the years this number has been raised to 30, 35, and in some cases, 40%. That means a lot of Rush and Neil Young on your classic rock stations, and for contemporary listeners, some funny-named fare like Hawksley Workman and The Slakadeliqs.

MAPL…. get it?

Now in order to enforce this requirement (and embed Canadian stereotypes for all posterity), they established the MAPL system. In order to classify as Canadian content, a recording must meet two of the following criteria:

• Music composed entirely by a Canadian
• Artist playing the music or singing the lyrics is principally a Canadian
• Performance was made in Canada, or recording was entirely done in Canada
• Lyrics were written entirely by a Canadian

However, when that meant that a Bryan Adams song may not get the airplay it deserved, they went ahead and revised the criteria in 1991, because Bryan Adams really is that important up there.

Ryan on the left

Strombo on the right!

In our first piece of CanCon-compliant news, our intrepid doe-eyed celebrity correspondent Amb informs us that cigarette smoker John Malkovich helped save a man’s life… while in Canada! An Ohioan man named Jim Walpole tripped and cut his neck on some scaffolding, and while his wife feared that he may have cut his carotid artery or jugular vein, Malkovich leaped to the rescue and helped stop the bleeding until an ambulance arrived. This led Amb’s favorite gossip site to declare Malkovich the new Ryan Gosling, which upset me, because I always wanted to be the next neuroscientist Ryan Gosling and I make better neuroscience pickup lines than John Malkovich and… I dunno… I guess I need to go out and do something heroic.

…and I will. Just you wait, Amber, just you wait! (until Monday when I make my victory speech)

In other Canadian news (that somehow Amb forgot to announce to the entire world and thus caused the show to open to subpar ratings), everyone’s favorite Canadian-Greek talk show host George Stroumboulopoulos has a new show on CNN called Strombo! Any and all Americans out there in our audience should go watch that show because Strombo is a super cool cat!

In non-CanCon compliant news… I think we’ve filled our 40% quota, Cicero Satterfield, a former Tuskegee Airman (and father of famed Ring Magazine boxing writer Lemuel Satterfield, along with thirteen other children who gave him 43 grandchildren), has passed away. Our deepest condolences to Lem and his family.

That’s quite the chorus line!

In news that is sure to give Arto a tingle, his favorite congressman, Michigan Democrat John Dingell, just became the longest-serving congressman in history. Sadly, there was no mention of the Dingell-Norwood bill, which Albert A. Gore made famous in a debate with George W. Bush back in 2000. However, Dingell did receive quite a treat when a chorus line that included cabinet member Kathleen Sebelius and House Minority leader Nancy Pelosi came to serenade him. Oh, and the declared that the Energy and Commerce Committee Hearing Room has been renamed the John D. Dingell Room. Seems like a place both Fannie and Arto should put on their funny named travel destinations.

In heartwarming news from Texas, Gael Fishingbauer Cooper brings us news that a crowd gave the adorable and talented Sebastien De La Cruz a “roaring standing ovation” when he returned to sing the national anthem during the NBA Finals. The American-born De  La Cruz made news earlier in the series when his rendition of the national anthem brought out a bizarre eruption of racist tweets, and handled it with tremendous grace. Let’s hope this time doesn’t see the same response, especially after the boy was congratulated by Spurs’ coach Gregg Popovich and Heat coach Erik Spoelstra.

Lastly, our 90′s Teen Movie Adaptations of Classic Literary Works correspondent Amb brings us the mind-blowing news that M. Night Shyamalan was the ghostwriter for the Freddie Prinze Jr. hit “She’s All That”. Given that Shyamalan is known for his twist endings, we shouldn’t be too surprised by the news of this ghost-obsessed writer being an actual ghost writer, but he stunned us once again. Shocking!

For those of you who were looking forward to hanging out with Rob this morning, I’m sorry to say that you’re stuck with me instead. Rob is in the midst of some 14 hour days at the litigation firm, doing, erm, whatever it is he does at the litigation firm, so he asked me to step in. I’m not entirely sure why I said yes, to be honest, since I’m in the middle of a very Wordful Wednesday over on my blog – apparently the Carlson men are my kryptonite, and I can’t resist either of them. Hmm. There’s a joke in there somewhere about amb spending too long in the Fortress of Solitude, but I’ll leave it to you to tease that out in the comments.

In the meantime … what were we talking about? Right; baseball. (You guys are really missing Rob right about now, aren’t you?)

My post is, as I’m sure you’ve already figured out, going to be a little bit different from your usual Wednesday fare. Since I never talk about a real person when a fictional character will do, here are my Top Five Funny Named Ballplayers on Film:

#5: Conor O’ Neill (Keanu Reeves) in Hardball: Conor doesn’t make it on base, but he scores an RBI with this one, partly

Whoa. Baseball is a trip, dude.

because I think it’s hilarious that he’s being so “unconventional” with his “Conor with one N and Neill with two Ls” and partly because, dude, it’s Keanu.

#4 Doctor Archibald “Moonlight” Graham (Burt Lancaster) in Field of Dreams: Doc Moonlight hits a single because first of all, does that sound like the name for a really great techno DJ or what?! And second of all, because that scene where he crosses the line in the cornfield to save little Karin Kinsella’s life chokes me up every. single. time.

#3 Dottie Hinson, Mae “All the Way Mae” Mordabito, Marla Hooch, and the rest of the Rockford Peaches in A League of Their Own: Full disclosure: I love this movie. I would have found a way to put it on the list regardless; lucky for me Penny Marshall likes to name her characters after slang for alcoholic beverages! Hootch?! Really?!? Marla scores a double for the ladies (and maybe pours one, too?)

#2 Ebby Calvin “Nuke” LaLoosh (Tim Robbins) in Bull Durham: Ebby scores a triple,

Tell me about it, dude.

mostly because it’s fun to watch him and Annie (Susan Sarandon) eyeball each other, but also because he reminds me of my wicked awesome Keanu when he says wicked awesome stuff like this: Clubhouse reporter: So how does it feel to get your first professional win? Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: It feels out there. I mean, it’s a major rush. I mean, it feels radical in kind of a tubular sort of way, but most of all, it feels out there.

#1 Crash Davis (Kevin Costner) in Bull Durham: A home run. One of my favourite characters in one of my favourite movies of all time. For a whole dugout full of reasons, but mostly because of the speech. You know the one.

Well, that’s the ballgame, folks! Did I leave out any of your favourite characters? Tell me which fictional players I missed in the comments.  I’m out of here before Rob makes me return my keys to the clubhouse!

I just, um, I have to tell you guys something first.

This is a little awkward.

In almost a year of hanging out here with the BoFN boys (a year! holy bananas), five months of which have been spent actually blogging and not just, you know, hitting on talking to Dave in the comments section, this is the very first Blog of Funny Names post that I’ve had trouble writing.

Not because I’ve run out of things to say, mind you; I cannot even begin to imagine the forces that would need to conspire together in order for that to happen; but because this is the first post where I’ve been sorely tempted to simply post a series of youtube videos up here and call it a day. For example:

Jokes about chocolate and ice cream and funny named 1980s novelty bands – what else do you need? Clearly, my work here is done.

Not quite. All joking aside, fellow funny name enthusiasts, it is my pleasure to introduce you to the lovely and charming Ms. Rebel Wilson.

Rebel was born and raised in Sydney, Australia, but not to worry: her parents more than made up for their hometown’s lack of funny-name-ed-ness by raising the most amazingly named group of siblings on probably the entire continent.

Mama and Papa Wilson. I hope.

As you may have heard in the video clip above, Rebel has two sisters named Liberty and Annarchi, as well as a brother named Ryot. Strangely enough, my showbiz sources won’t tell me the names of their parents. I really, really hope that they’re Law and Order, and since Wikipedia doesn’t say otherwise, I’m just going to report that as fact.

One story that I really can report as fact – even though it sounds like something that Law and Order and I made up while watching reruns of formulaic but strangely comforting crime procedurals – is the reason that Rebel got into show business. As part of her duties as a Rotary International Youth Ambassador, Rebel spent a year in South Africa. While she was there, she unfortunately, or fortunately, for us a capella music fans,  contracted malaria. While she was ill, she had hallucinations in which she saw herself winning the Oscar for Best Actress. Once she had recovered, she decided to give up her previously chosen career of mathematics, and pursue acting full time.

Hooray for malaria! Convincing people to leave the fickle world of numbers and join the stable profession of Hollywood since 2002!

That last line was only slightly sarcastic: having malaria might have been the best thing that happened to Rebel since, well, having the awesome name Rebel. She won a drama scholarship to New York, trained with the renowned Second City improv comedy troupe, and hasn’t looked back since. Her breakout film roles include Brynn, Kristen Wigg’s hilarious roomate in “Bridesmaids”

Rebel, showing that malaria who’s boss.

and Fat Amy in “Pitch Perfect”, for which she won the MTV Movie Award for Best Breakthrough Performance and shared the Best Musical Moment award with her co-stars.

Not content to just make people laugh at the movies, Rebel’s latest project is writing and starring in “Super Fun Night”, a sitcom which follows three friends on a quest to have fun every Friday night, and which will be coming to a television near you this fall. I can’t wait to see what she does next!

What is that, a stork with a toothbrush? Come on, logo guy.

With no further introduction surely necessary, let’s just get to the point. I’ve “helpfully” divided all my favorite team names below into various categories to help you savor the recurring themes throughout.

The Ones with Odd Puns Department

• Macon Whoopee
• Florida Everblades
• Mobile Mysticks

The Macon Whoopee was a name they thought was so good, they used it twice. It was first a Macon, Georgia based team in the 70′s before going under and being resurrected there in 1996. Unfortunately, the name didn’t help them and they went out of business again five years later.

The Ones that Make You Go : “What in the World?!?”

• Omaha Ak-Sar-Ben Knights
• Toronto Neil McNeil Maroons
• Minot Minotauros aka Minot Top Guns, aka Beardy’s Rage

The official team mascot of Dawson Creek Rage.

The Minot Minotauros play junior hockey out of Minot, ND. The town previously enjoyed the Minot Top Guns, who fortunately left town to become a team known as Beardy’s Rage for one year before folding. Gladly the Minotauros came to town to make up for it.

As for the Ak-Sar-Ben Knights, this one always leaves me a bit out of breath. Ak-Sar-Ben, of course, is Nebraska spelled backwards, with some hyphens thrown in for added mystery. The Omaha, NE based team therefore has probably both the dumbest and most impressive sounding name in all of hockey all at once. I also owe great respect to the repetitive glory of the Toronto Neil McNeil Maroons. Besides, any team named Maroons is already in credit.

The Just Plain Fun Ones

• Flin Flon Bombers
• Kalamazoo Wings
• Stratford Midgets
• Muskagon Lumberjacks
• Port Colborne Recreationists
• Billings Bighorns
• Dawson Creek Rage

We’ve already covered other parts of both Flin Flon and Kalamazoo here, and the fact is those are delightful towns, at least in name. The Port Colborne Recreationists gets a special award for a particularly awkward sounding team name, bringing to mind old people camping. As for the Muskagon Lumberjacks, well, it is a Canadian sport, there had to be at least one team named Lumberjacks.

The One With Slightly Too Forward Sponsorship

• Detroit Compuware Ambassadors

Buy Compuware!

The Ones with Creatures that May Or May Not Exist, Many of Them on Ice

• Rockford IceHogs
• Evansville IceMen
• Louisiana Ice Gators
• Victoria Salmon Kings
• Odessa Jackalopes
• Baltimore Skipjacks
• Brandon Wheat Kings
• Orlando Solar Bears
• Lexington Men O’ War

The pretty relaxed Orlando Solar Bears mascot. In other news, I’m told the team play in “Solar purple, seafoam green, sunset orange, sunrise gold, and white”.

Hockey team owners love to call their teams Ice-somethings, perhaps in case people get confused about what the surface they play on is called. Other just make stuff up since perfectly normal names just won’t do. Special mention in this category goes to the Baltimore Skipjacks, because  it just reminds me of pancakes. And pancakes are a pretty scary opponent.

The Ones Trying Too Hard to Be the Cool Kidz

• Greenville Grrrowl
• Fayetteville FireAntz

Everyone knows the kidz like to put a “z” where there should be an “s”. The cool onez at least. And if you’re going to growl, might as well go all out with the rrr’s.

Special Commendation for the City of Hamilton, ON

• Hamilton Whizzers
• Hamilton Fincups
• Hamilton Szabos

For inpenetrable but cool sounding team names, go to Hamilton, they have plenty. And bring me back a szabo while you’re there, they sound delicious.

That’s all I have for the funniest hockey team names in my memory. Did I forget your favorite? Let me know in the comments below or send it over telepathically and I’ll stick it in there.

If there was ever a time to purchase a record based only on its name, this is it.

One of those newfangled gadgets I was acquiring my news from today is something called the radio. The kids tell me it’s the latest thing so I plugged it on as I was driving home from a jam session last night, and sure enough, I was delighted to find a program that appealed to me right away. It was called Free Time with Miff Mole. That’s right, a progressive jazz show hosted by Miff Mole. You can’t go wrong with that.

Speaking of music, here’s another article from our Pussy Riot enthusiast Dave, which says something or other about Pussy Riot. I think Dave is just happy to bring some wild rock’n'roll to these blog pages and that’s why he keeps sending these in. Good enough for me.

Speaking of rock’n'roll, that’s the last name of actress Kate Winslet’s husband Ned Rocknroll! Cool name, man! Much cooler than his original name of Ned Smith. Our official Showbiz Rocket Science Correspondent Amb has also informed me that Mrs. Winslet received space tickets for her birthday – as in, tickets to go to space (as in outside of the earth, because if you think about it, we’re in space right now, man! Whoa, trippy.) But this week she’s in the news because she’s pregnant!  Whoohoo, babies! Here’s hoping the kid is named something appropriately rocknroll, like Gather Moss Rocknroll, or Leonardo DiWinslet Rocknroll, or George Johnson. I don’t know man, look in the comments of the article in that link and you’ll find all the good lame jokes about the name there.

Our Mustache of the Week Award goes to McIntosh mayor Wilbert Dixon!

Speaking of rocknroll, again, internet exercise sensation Joanna Rohrback, also known as the Prancercise Lady, is giving interviews all over the place about what she originally called Funky Punky’s Prancercise Program. She’s pretty cool, and her name is fun, and the name of her program is even more fun. We’re big fans here.

Speaking of…oh, forget it, we don’t need all these segues, do we? Certainly not when going to some sad news, and news of former NBA great and all-time funny name all-star Mookie Blaylock being involved in a fatal car accident last week definitely qualifies as pretty sad. Word is Mookie himself is ok but is facing charges for vehicular manslaughter for his role in the accident. It’s a sad situation for all involved.

And finally, speaking of legal stuff, there were some fisticuffs this week at a town council meeting in McIntosh, Alabama, presumably about whether the town should adopt Microsoft or Apple computers. The kerfuffle apparently erupted between the local fire chief and the wonderfully named mayor Wilbert Dixon, with a third man hospitalized in the process. Things sure can get exciting down there in ‘bama! Whoo golly.

Well, that’s all we have for you this week folks. Have a lovely weekend and try these cookies, they’re delicious!

Light of my life, apple of my eye, Harry Burns to my Sally Albright - please find enclosed my answers to Monday’s Funny Names Before and After Quiz.

I would like to assure the esteemed judging panel (that would be you, dollface) that no search engines were used during the completion of this quiz.

Yes, my music-geek brain really is that ridiculous; yes, I took the quiz while pretending to do work at the office; and yes, I totally just called you dollface.

Please send any and all prizing to my pocket-sized place in Toronto. (Liz knows where I live). Sending your brilliant self over for a visit would be most appreciated; however, being the bona fide 100% word-nerd that I am, original poetry would also do nicely. Write me a quatrain?

                                                                  Love, amb

1. The first name of my all-time favorite funny name (and our first ever post); and a Simon and Garfunkel ode to structural engineering.

Outerbridge Over Troubled Water

2. A Terminator Salvation actress; and a Beach Boys song about excitations.

Korinna Moon Bloodgood Vibrations

3. The first person ever to reach out to us after being featured in our blog; and a timeless classic by the Old Crow Medicine Show and Critter Fuqua, (with some help from Bob Dylan).

Crescent Dragonwagon Wheel

4. Fannie’s post about a famous songstress that inspired a BoFN figure of speech; and a Shania Twain classic about gender identity.

Ethel Merman I Feel Like a Woman

5. Rob’s first post – about a baseball player (surprise!) whose name inspired a legendary 1970 song about funny-named baseball players; and a British band from the 70′s who sang about the summertime and whose name was inspired by a T.S. Eliot poem.

Van Lingle Mungo Jerry

6. The youngest person I have ever devoted a full post to; and the 1960′s husband and wife duo who sang “I Got You Babe.”

Ever Gabo Jovich-Andersonny and Cher

7. A vivacious and quotable actress from the early-to-mid 1900′s whose dying words were “Codeine… bourbon…”; and an Alanis Morissette song about how she couldn’t help falling… it’s all your fault!

Tallulah Bankhead Over Feet

8. Arto’s post about an American railroad pioneer; and Sheryl Crow’s ode to good times.

Whitmell P Tunstall I Wanna Do (Is Have Some Fun)

9. My first obituary post, in tribute to a recently-deceased raconteur of all things boxing; and Fall Out Boy’s breakthrough hit, whose chorus hinged on a boxing-related refrain.

Bert Randolph Sugar We’re Goin’ Down

10. Another of Arto’s posts about obscure historical figures – this one about an American diplomat, politician and tobacco trader who was married to the also-well-named Louise Barbe Vanderclooster; and a U2 song about Bono’s inability to live in any circumstance.

Fulwar Skipwith or Without You

 

What the #$%!

Charles John Huffman Dickens (1812-1870), as any literate speaker of the Queen’s English knows, was one of the greatest writers in the history of Western Civilization.   No, his name was not funny, and not even eponymous.  The origin of the term dickens as a mild oath or euphemism apparently dates to more than two centuries before his birth.  But what the illustrious Mr. Dickens  was, and to this day remains, is the godfather of funny names in fiction.  His most famous character is the archetypal funny-named character, Ebeneezer Scrooge, who most certainly is eponymous.   Dicitionary.com defines a scrooge as a skinflint or miserly curmudgeon.  And while the use of the word generically to describe any Scrooge-like individual does not appear to have emerged until the late 1930′s, it clearly developed from Scrooge and A Christmas Carol.

But Scrooge is just the start.  The list of funny names in Dickens’ oeuvre almost defies quantification.  Dickens created hundreds of characters, dozens of which could easily qualify to be enshrined herein.   The following are just a few of my favorites, gleaned from a list of over 70 wacky monikers.

Polly Toodle–a minor character, in a minor work (Dombey and Son), with a major funny name.

Wackford Squeers–the cruel, one-eyed schoolmaster of Dotheboys Hall in Nicholas Nickelby.  I actually think Dickens missed the boat on this one as this would make a great name for a small town mayor or lawyer.

Inspector Bucket–the detective who solved the mystery in Bleak House, he predated Sherlock Holmes by some 30 years.  You also have to think this name may have been the inspiration for the modern day Inspector Gadget.  After all, a bucket was probably seen as  a gadget in the low-tech world of 1850′s England.

Neville and Helena Landless–twin orphans from Ceylon in The Mystery of Edwin Drood.  You don’t suppose J.K. Rowling was influenced by Dickens, do you?  These names sound as if they could have come straight out of  a Harry Potter book.

Serjeant Buzfuz–a lawyer in The Pickwick Papers.  An English band adopted this as their name.  I guess Sergeant Pepper was already taken.

Anne Chickenstalker–a shopkeeper in The Chimes: A Goblin Story.  This was the second of Dickens’ five short Christmas novels, being published between a Christmas Carol and A Cricket on the Hearth.  Your poultry should be very afraid.

No! Not that Tiny Tim!

Tiny Tim Cratchit–the second most famous character, after Scrooge,  in A Christmas Carol.  I had to include him, if only to be able to use the picture and caption to the left.

Canon Septimus Crisparkle–The right reverend Crisparkle was a mentor to Neville Landless in The Mystery of Edwin Drood.  Could Dickens pile funny names on top of funny names, or what?

It would clearly take a short novel-lengthed document just to summarize all the funny names in Dickens works.  Mr. m’Choakumchild…Mr. Pumblechook…Gaffer Hexam…Abel Magwitch…Prince Turveydrop…Simon Tapertit…Samuel Slumkey…Smike…Rogue Riderhood…Barneby Rudge…I couldn’t possibly list them all here.

So tell us.  Who are your favorites and why?

  Follow my own personal brand of silliness on my blog or on Twitter  @MarkSackler

Amb, I see your Michael Douglas and I raise you world middleweight champion Sergio Martinez.

Anyway, after a few hours of wrangling with cables and formatting issues, annoying freeware video editing software that puts gigantic watermarks all over your beautiful artistic creations, and video conversion software that hijacks your browser to direct all search results to Bing (or “Bings you!” as Arto so eloquently put it), we did what any frustrated twenty-something males would do…

… drank some Quilmes beer (from the Argentinean hometown of my favorite boxer, Sergio Martinez) and logged on to Sporcle for some brain-teasing puzzles. Some were enjoyable but easy (a U.S. Presidents quiz… I can do that in my sleep), some were frustrating (you try to identify U.S. states by a partial picture of their county maps!), or truly quite dull (it’s amazing how un-interesting the 100 most common English words are).

However, we stumbled on to a pretty amazing one about literature and movie before and afters that inspired today’s post and had me thinking hard all the way home about ways to segue the idea into a blog post.

So without further ado…

Funny Names Blog & Pop Music “Before and After” Quiz

Rules:

1.  A “Before and After” is a combination of two phrases in which the end of the first phrase is the beginning of the second. An example is “computer chip off the old block” which combines “computer chip” with “chip off the old block”; or “sunset the table” which combines “sunset” and “set the table.”
2. For these ones, we will be combining a name profiled in a previous post on the Blog of Funny Names, and some reference to famous pop music from the 1960′s until the present day.  
3. Post your answers in the comment section to gain our everlasting respect and admiration. Don’t worry about checking what others have posted… in fact… don’t check what they’ve posted at all… we’d love to see you take a stab at all of them. Some of these are quite difficult.
4. You can use the A-Z page for reference. No human being can keep a roster of 300+ posts in their mind at once, so use the tools available!
5. ***Amb has to wait until 1pm Pacific time to give her answers.*** Just to keep it fun for everyone else I have a feeling she’d crush all of us – perhaps even me, and I came up with the questions. Sorry, babe It’s a sign of respect for your awesome funny names and pop culture knowledge.

Here they are:

1. The first name of my all-time favorite funny name (and our first ever post); and a Simon and Garfunkel ode to structural engineering.

2. A Terminator Salvation actress; and a Beach Boys song about excitations.

3. The first person ever to reach out to us after being featured in our blog; and a timeless classic by the Old Crow Medicine Show and Critter Fuqua, (with some help from Bob Dylan).

4. Fannie’s post about a famous songstress that inspired a BoFN figure of speech; and a Shania Twain classic about gender identity.

What’s this? Just an adorable picture? … or perhaps it’s a clue?

5. Rob’s first post – about a baseball player (surprise!) whose name inspired a legendary 1970 song about funny-named baseball players; and a British band from the 70′s who sang about the summertime and whose name was inspired by a T.S. Eliot poem.

6. The youngest person I have ever devoted a full post to; and the 1960′s husband and wife duo who sang “I Got You Babe.”

7. A vivacious and quotable actress from the early-to-mid 1900′s whose dying words were “Codeine… bourbon…”; and an Alanis Morissette song about how she couldn’t help falling… it’s all your fault!

8. Arto’s post about an American railroad pioneer; and Sheryl Crow’s ode to good times.

9. My first obituary post, in tribute to a recently-deceased raconteur of all things boxing; and Fall Out Boy’s breakthrough hit, whose chorus hinged on a boxing-related refrain.

10. Another of Arto’s posts about obscure historical figures – this one about an American diplomat, politician and tobacco trader who was married to the also-well-named Louise Barbe Vanderclooster; and a U2 song about Bono’s inability to live in any circumstance.

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I hope you enjoy this fun little diversion, and please feel free to chime in with your answers in the comments section! I’d love to hear from you. Some of these were pretty tough, so I wish you luck!