Happy Friday, readers! It’s the end of the work-week again and you know what that means, it’s FNITN- time (if you didn’t know that, that’s okay, you do now!) So let’s get fa-nittin’.
- Dave has been busy reading his favo(u)rite newspaper, Britain’s the Daily Mail, and dug up this story packed with funny names for our enjoyment. A man named Lowell Turpin was scanning his girlfriend’s Facebook page, and encountered a picture of presidential candidate Willard Mitt Romney. Mr. Turpin is apparently not a fan of the news, and did not recognize the handsome gentleman his girlfriend was posting pictures of, became enraged with jealousy, and ended up being arrested by a Deputy Bradley A. Prewitt. Not a great day for Mr. Turpin then, but at least he can live with the knowledge that his girlfriend’s brother’s wife is named Tammy Thrower. It should be a consolation for us all that Tammy is out there.
Lowell Turpin, not a fan of Handsome Mitt Romney.
Elsewhere, I’m told there is something called The Olympics going on in Great Britain. I should have known, having written and read about it extensively right here on this website, but I decided to momentarily forget about the whole thing for a clumsy sort-of-joke to open this paragraph, which I’m afraid has now ballooned into a humongous space-eating monster of a sentence. I feel like this is the “ado” of “without further ado” I sometimes hear about. So, with this ado, let’s go to Funny Names in the Olympics news :In my favorite sport of Mixed Doubles Badminton, German player Michael Fuchs was cruelly eliminated with his partner in the quarter-final stage of the competition. His bio at London2012.com tells us he has an English degree to fall back on if the whole badminton thing isn’t profitable in the long run, so Mr. Fuchs must be aware of the giggle-inducing nature of his name in the English-speaking world.
Ranomi Kwo…Kmr….Kwojomi….See, this is what copy-paste was invented for.
Among the more successful athletes at the games thus fare are funny named gold medalists Camille Muffat of France, Ranomi Kromowidjojo of Holland, who’s great to know about when you want to rhyme something with “Bono with mojo”, and Germany’s own Sandra Auffahrt, who would allow me to reprise my lame fart joke from Tuesday if I wanted to reuse it. I won’t, but it would’ve been a gas.
- For the yam enthusiasts out there, The United States Sweet Potato Council is now distributing its thrilling new Sweet Potato Statistical Yearbook. Get your hands on this awesome summertime page turner for just $20. John Grisham wishes he could think of stuff like this.
- The USC basketball program has been showing off their new recruits, including 6-9 forward Renaldo Woolridge, who may or may not be commonly mistaken for a butler.
- And finally, former Morgan Stanley risk officer Clifford Jagodzinski is suing his former employees, presumably for being douchey Wall Street operators Morgan Stanley. A spokeswoman for the firm, who is using the clearly fake name of Christine Jockle, unexpectedly defended the company to a reporter, jockling “the case has no merit” and other boilerplate legal news jocularities.
That wraps it up for this week’s Funny Names in the News Round-up. Merry Christmas everyone!
