Tag Archives: male

Feb 28 2013
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Greatest hits

Boutros Boutros-Ghali

Mailman! Mailman! Mailman! Woohoo! – Dave

Hello, beloved BoFN fans! It’s true – at long last, your trusty postal person has returned for some good times. Today, I bring to you my longtime favorite-named international diplomat: former United Nations Secretary General Boutros Boutros-Ghali. Mr. Boutros-Ghali has been my fave UN SecGen since the moment I heard his name in high school social studies class – not for any real globally impactful reasons, but just because it was the most amusing anthroponym I had encountered in my then-short life.

My precious* Boutros

Just call me Boutros!

Despite the humo(u)r of this delightfully reduplicated name, I’m sure you’ll be as disappointed as I was to learn that his life and career weren’t nearly as funny. To add insult to injury, the odd collections of O’s and U’s means it doesn’t even result in a wealth of great anagrams (unless “Boil a ghost, sour turbo!” does it for you, that is). Nonetheless, the great series of tubes we know and love has pulled through again to find us some facts, as it always does.

How U doin?

How U doin?

Young Boutros was born in Egypt in 1922. His name translates into English roughly (and amazingly) as “Peter Peter-Precious,” and was passed down from his grandfather Boutros Ghali, who was Egypt’s Prime Minister from 1908-1910. Upon learning how to walk, Precious Pete quickly set his sights on higher things, like inspiring a satirical British sketch comedy news sign-off, being interviewed on Da Ali G Show, and becoming the first UN Secretary General to not be elected to a second term. All those accolades aside, he also did some more normal international diplomat-worthy stuff, like being a Fulbright Scholar and serving as Egypt’s Minister of State for Foreign Affairs. His actual time at the helm of las Naciones Unidas, served from 1992 to 1996, was marked largely by events like the violent breakup of the former Yugoslavia, and possibly furnishing some $26M in weapons to the wrong team in the Rwandan Genocide… so Da Ali G show doesn’t seem like a such a bad laurel to rest on now, does it? Oh! And his wife’s name is Leia (though she’s not a princess), and he was also once referenced on Friends, in case none of those other things were American enough for you. You’re welcome.

As the lads on Chanel 9 Neus would say, Boutros Boutros-Ghali!

-Mailman

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Feb 16 2012
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Dr. Cornelis Bontekoe, the Tea Doctor

I ran into a brief description of the Dutch doctor Cornelis Bontekoe in the pages of Bill Bryson’s delightful history At Home. Bryson describes Dr. Bontekoe’s enthusiam for the healing powers of tea, stating that he recommended his patients drink at least fifty cups of it every day, sometimes prescribing as many as two hundred cups of tea a day. His patients must have been well acquainted with their restroom.

Bontekoe was actually born Cornelis Dekker. His father owned a grocery store in the Dutch city of Alkmaar (now home of the Holland Cheese Museum), and apparently a spotted cow pictured on the store sign was the inspiration for young Cornelis’ name change (the name literally meaning “spotted cow”). Why he felt the need for this change is not clear, but the good doctor dedicated most of his remaining life to campaigning for change in the field of medicine, so perhaps that was just the first steps on his life of transformation.

Dr. Bontekoe, presumably just between cups of tea.

Having graduated with his medical degree, he moved to the city of Leiden following a dispute, and soon also found himself banned at Leiden University. Luckily, he was later re-admitted. Luckily both for him, so he could gain prominence in the field, as well as for us, because we now know one of his students was called Heydentryk Overcamp, which is amazing.

Cornelis encountered great adversity in his life. He married his niece Anna Moraetz, only to see her die the next year. Soon after both of their children tragically also died. A year later he was married again, to Jannetje Post Reiniersd (yes, that’s the correct spelling), but this marriage unfortunately ended in divorce.

Dr. Bontekoe is best known for his championing of tea as a medical cure. His first book, Treatise on Tea, the Most Excellent Herb, was a great success and was reprinted several times, lifting him into some fame. He was to be forever known as the “Tea Doctor”, although he also promoted other substances such as coffee and chocolate for their alleged healing properties. It is easy to see why he would be famous with his patients. Unfortunately, Dr. Bontekoe was killed at the peak of his powers, falling down some steps in his home in Berlin. The funny name however, lives on.

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Feb 10 2012
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Dave's greatest hits, Greatest hits

Ras-I Alujah Bramble (formerly Livingstone Bramble)

Ras-I Alujah Bramble, nee Abuja Bramble, nee Livingstone bramble

Some people are just blessed. Professional boxer Livingstone Bramble had everything one could ask for in a name: a good first name, a good last name, and a sweet-sounding birthplace – St. Kitts and Nevis. It’s enough to make a guy named Dave Carlson green with envy. Dave Bramble, Livingstone Carlson, Davingstone Brambleson, or even just “Dave Carlson from the mean streets of St. Kitts and Nevis” – any of these names would be an improvement.

Not to mention that he won a world title and then defended it in a second fight against heavily-favored lightweight world champion Ray “Boom Boom” Mancini (in what must have been the most fun boxing poster anyone has ever designed).

His name was so good, in fact, that the best name they could come up with for a fight card where fellow world champion Hector “Macho” Camacho would defend his title for the last time before facing Bramble was “The Preamble to Bramble.”  Let’s make this clear: the guy’s name was so good that promoters decided the best way to sell a fight with a charismatic, camera-friendly world champion named “Macho” Camacho was to drop Camacho’s name entirely and use the name of a guy who wasn’t even in the fight, because Camacho might fight Livingstone Bramble next!

But Bramble decided to tempt fate. He started hanging out with witch doctors and practicing witchcraft. He would carry a snake into the boxing ring and at publicity events. He was rumored to do far crazier witch rituals. In Bramble’s next fight, with a record of 24-1, he would be upset by Edwin Rosario in a second-round knockout, and would never fight Camacho nor regain his previous success.

In his worst mistake, he decided to change his name, to Ras-I Alujah Bramble, and would also fight under the names Ras-I Bramble and Abuja Bramble. One writer referred to him as The Boxer Formerly Known as Livingstone Bramble. The name change didn’t work – he would go 16-24 after the Rosario fight, with his last bout in 2003, although he often hints at a potential comeback.

This should be a cautionary tale. Livingstone Bramble had an awesome name and was on top of the world – a tremendous lightweight fighter. But when it comes to exceptional names, there can be too much of a good thing.

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Feb 03 2012
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Gutzon Borglum, Man of Many Explosive Faces

A great mustache is always a plus.

Gutzon de la Mothe Borglum was an American-born sculptor famous for carving the monumental presidents’ heads at Mt. Rushmore, as well as other famous monuments and historical sculptures. Unquestionably one of the greatest American sculptors ever – he was the first living American to have a sculpture purchased by the Metropolitan Museum of Art – he was also known for using dynamite on a lot of his finest pieces.

The only thing bigger than his world-renowned talent and the size of his sculptures were the legends of his extremely difficult personality, and the grandiose and extreme political views he often fell prone to (including a brief stint in the KKK in the 1920′s).

These have left him with a legacy as fractured as the sculptures he took dynamite to (including one of the faces on Mt. Rushmore 2 years after starting work on it).

While we can’t vouch for his personality or his views, we can vouch for the humor of the name Gutzon de la Mothe Borglum, and even moreso, by his full title upon his ascendancy in the Freemasons, with whom he rose from a Worshipful Master in 1910 to an even more incredible title in 1915:

Grand Representative of the Grand Lodge of Denmark near the Grand Lodge of New York, Mr. Gutzon Borglum

No funny names list would be complete without that mouthful.

Gutzon Borglum holds a significant and fascinating place in American history.

Four Fine Fabulous Fellows

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Jan 31 2012
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Quick Hits – Body Parts

Let’s see if we can form the entire human body out of funny names – a bit of a Frankenstein’s monster, only made to amuse, out of spare parts from great names :

Peter Elbow – Author and professor of writing.

Philippa Foot – British philosopher. She’s the granddaughter of President Grover Cleveland, and daughter of Esther Cleveland, who was born in the White House. Adding to her name credentials is that her paternal grandfather was Sir Frederick Albert Bosanquet, who held a major position in England in the early 20th century. She was also one of the founders of the Oxfam charity.

Toe Blake – Canadian hockey player and coach. He got his nickname “Toe” because his younger sister was as a child unable to pronounce his real name Hector, saying “Hec-toe” each time. He was eventually universally known as Toe, which replaced his previous nickname, “The Old Lamplighter”.

Jeff Finger – An American pro hockey player. He played junior hockey with the finely named Green Bay Gamblers. He made the big time in 2007 with the Colorado Avalance and was soon fingered as the next big thing on the Toronto Maple Leafs blue line, but fell out of favor and is now plying his trade in the minor league team Toronto Marlies.

David Goodwillie – Scottish soccer player, currently with the Blackburn Rovers team. There is also an American author of the same name, who was once a professional baseball player, auctioneer and private investigator.

Martin Brest – Film director, 48 Hours, Beverly Hills Cop, Gigli

Legs McNeil – Co-founder of Punk Magazine.

Not quite a complete Frankenstein’s monster, but pretty close. Unfortunately there don’t appear to be many people named Torso. A creature with a head, fingers, legs, one toe, a breast, a foot, and, ahem, a goodwillie,  would certainly be quite terrifying.

 

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