I Dare Say D’Orsay

Y’all, I watch a lot of Hallmark movies. Every new movie on Saturday at 8pm, I am there. And while I am very aware that Candace Cameron Bure is the queen of Hallmark, and that Lacy Chabert is the princess, I contend that Brooke D’Orsay is Miss Christmas, as she was labeled in the movie of the same title. In it, her job was to find the perfect Christmas tree, bold and grand, the opposite of a Charlie Brown Christmas tree. Here she dons one of many colorful Hallmark film jackets, probably during a warm summer shoot in Vancouver, surrounded by fake snow and empty mugs of what is purported to be hot chocolate.

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But it is not the jacket I covet. Nay! Hands down, it is her covetable hair. Thick and lustrous and long. Almost like a flowing horse’s mane, which is exactly what her last name brings to mind. The hubs and I have referred to her as Brooke D’Horsey, as it’s easier to say. Let’s take a moment to enjoy some stock footage. I only wish this were an Appaloosa, which rolls off the tongue!

If you say it quickly, it almost sounds like Divorcee, which she is not. What D’Orsay is is Huguenot. Also fun to say.

I do admit that her coif is not always on point, as in the Dumpling Paradox in 2007’s Big Bang Theory, but such was the intention. It still looked better than Penny’s drastic post-wedding pixie cut. On that, we can all agree. D’oh! I mean, D’ohhhrrsay.

In Miss Christmas, she stars with Fiona Vroom, another splendid surname. It invites you to say it twice, perhaps while playing with Hot Wheels cars. And speaking of cars, the movie Cars has a character named Mater, voiced by Larry the Cable Guy. Hallmark does them one better with an actor named Niall Matter. Yes, Matter, pronounced precisely as the tow truck. And while Niall Matter sounds very Southern and good old boy (and like a tomato, frankly) Niall himself is actually a third-generation Canadian oil rigger.

But he’s not the only Hallmarkian with an interesting name. We have twists on names, such as Kavan instead of Kevin, Brendan instead of Brandon, and Kristoffer instead of Christopher (who starred in another Hallmark movie with the Marvelous Meghan Markle, crowned with her own rhyming title of Duchess of Sussex, though her sister has dissed her as DUCHASS). Oh, snap.

But back to Brooke. D’Orsay is actually a derivative of D’arcy, Darcy, Dorcey, Dorcy, and Dorsey, which means that Jane Austen’s (who really should be Austin) Fitzwilliam Darcy in Pride and Prejudice is essentially a D’Orsay himself.

But what even IS a D’Orsay? Glad you asked. It’s actually a shoe or slipper made with a circular vamp and a quarter that curves to meet the vamp at the shank line. That sounds like a rollicking murder mystery, no? The Vamp at the Shank Line…

Sexy, no? Just like Brooke’s hair. Of course, it’s also the name of a museum in Paris filled with old French art. And the middle name of Charles Dickens’ son. You don’t say! But none of them is as fair or shares the hair as enviable as Brooke “Miss Christmas” herself.

giphy.com
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Kerb Yore Enthusiasm: The Best of Kerbey

It goes without saying around here that Kerbey is one of a kind. You might find her offering up a post full of cryptic, Zen koan-like epigrams. She could be shooting off some wild, out-of-left-field observations in the comments. Or, she might be laying down some Cheshire Cat style psychedelic free association in the comments about comments. Whatever it is, Kerbey’s awesome riffs will leave you asking, “Wh- What just happened?”

Almost from the beginning, I thought it would be great if Kerb ever turned her paragraphs into free verse . . . We won’t take that liberty here, but we will honor Kerb’s dizzying verbal dexterity with some choice excerpts. Since Kerb’s quips turn the world upside down, we recommend reading these with Larry David’s theme running in the background. Just push play and . . . Gooooo Kerb!

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Entry #1: from “Klippity Klopp-Klopp” (June 19, 2019)

“Or what about your inner pig-dog, the voice in your head that tells you to sit on the couch and watch ‘American Ninja Warrior’ instead of actually doing push-ups? Your pig-dog tells you to hit the snooze button, to order another pint at the pub. Your inner pig-dog is your weaker self, but mercy, it’s cute as a button.”

You have to read it in context.

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Entry #2: Comment (May 30, 2017) on “Mopsy Strange Kennedy, Ph.D.” by Fannie

“I actually had a stuffed dog animal as a tween named Mopsy. It did not survive past the 80s. Mopsy sounds like a good hosting name bc it reminds me of the names out of The Preppy Handbook: Muffy, Missy, Buffy, Bitsy, Bootsy, Bunny. Right?”

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Entry #3: Comment (May 19, 2014) on “Iggy Azalea: would Amethyst Amelia Kelly by any other name sound as sweet?” by Dave

“Well, she’s certainly less wizened than Iggy Pop, but I’m getting a Nicki Minaj vibe here. Palm trees on her boobies? Touting her fanciness? Pride comes before the fall, Amethyst. On the plus side, Mullumbimby is fun to say. But doesn’t hailing from such a place set you up to be called a Mullumbimbo? Just a thought. She can flick her hair like nobody’s business. And I still prefer ‘Get Lucky’ to ‘BL’… “

The fashion on this blog has come a long way since the days of Outerbridge Horsey and his awesome dogs.
Benedict’s hair ruffle ain’t got nothin’ on Iggy, or her friend’s hat!

(with Dave’s original captions!)

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Entry #4: Comment (April 1, 2014) on “Captain Lorenzo Dow Baker knew there’s always money in the banana stand” by Liz

“You made me read the word ‘Orinoco,’ like ‘Orinoco Flow,’ and I hate Enya, so now I am mad. Yesterday I bought bananas, explaining to my son that it was Monday and on Mondays, the store only offers blackened dead bananas or lime green unripened, so it’s lose-lose. Also, as I was purchasing a bottle of sangria, there was a bottle of banana bread beer right next to it. !! So your post is timely. I did not purchase it.”

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OK, what was your favorite entry? Answer below! Better yet, find another Kerbey gem in BoFN’s archives!

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Cornelius Galore – The Best of Dutch Names from Duck to Kok

We’ve written about some Dutch names on these pages before – see now-ancient posts about Cornelius Drebbel or Guus Hiddink or (take a breath) Kees A. Schouhamer Immink. But having now lived for almost three years here in the land of windmills, tasty cheese and towns named after said cheese, I have built a whole new kind of appreciation for Dutch names.

Everywhere you look, it seems the Netherlands has blessed the world with beautiful names. Almost everywhere there seem to be towns like Wommels or Sneek or Vlaardingen which make spotting signage on road trips a true adventure. (Those trips are pretty short though as you can drive across country in about 4 hours).

So, in honor of this fine land and its finely named people, I present this list of (some) of the best names the Netherlands has brought into the world. Only some, because honestly this list could be endless, so some editing had to be done. Here are some of the finest names of Dutch people through time.

First, some art. Jacob Duck was a painter in the 1600s from the town of Utrecht. It is unclear if he painted any bird pictures, but it would be a shame if he never got around to it.

Young Duck in a rare photo.

Next, Jacob Quaeckernaeck. Our second Jacob seems to flow logically from the first, sounding partially like a duck utterance, and partially like what you may say when stubbing your toe on Dutch furniture. Mr. Quaeckernaeck was a seaman and navigator, and of course the possessor of a magnificent name.

The Cornelius rule has already been immortalized in our Funny Names Theory section, stating “If your name is Cornelis, Kornelis, or Cornelius, then you are awesome.” There is no arguing that fact, certainly when it comes to legendary jurist Cornelius van Bynkershoek. I have run into some great lawyer names in my studies, from the legendary Learned Hand to England’s Lord Diplock. But a Bynkershoek is hard to beat.

Moving on to the ” pardon me, what was that?” department, we have Willem Godschalck van Focquenbroch. This delightful monstrosity is courtesy of a 17th century playwright. Be careful with the pronunciation of that last name, you wouldn’t want to slip into R-rated territory by mistake.

Staying in poetry, we also have the poet F. van Dixhoorn, which probably requires no further comment.

Which brings us logically to the world of Politics, and two consecutive Prime Ministers blessed with diplomatically promising names.

Wim Kok was PM of the Netherlands from 1994 to 2002. And he was immediately preceded by Ruud Lubbers. Can’t argue with those selections for country leadership, based on funny nameology at least.

This is an interestingly titled children’s book found at a local shop, by the great Willy Vandersteen.

Moving on to the world of science, where one of the inventors of the telescope, a Mr. Hans Lipperhey reports for duty. He is delightfully identified on wikipedia as a “spectacle maker”, which it can probably be said to apply to him in more ways than one.

Back to literature, where we find Beb Vuyk. She is one of the most celebrated names in Dutch literature, and not just because that name is fun to say (but probably hard to pronounce correctly).

Finally, but certainly not least amusingly, two names that can only come from the Dutch or children’s literature. Wubbo Ockels was an astronaut who became the first Dutchman in space. In a land famed for its flying citizens, Wubbo certainly flew higher than any before. And finally, we meet renaissance man Govert Bidloo, not to be confused with your favorite Star Wars characters.

We hope you enjoyed this journey through perhaps Europe’s most fruitful land for great and delightful names. Vote for you favorite below and leave a comment if I forgot one!

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Deep Purple Names

I’m betting you’ve never heard the names Antonino and Carol Vincinette LoTempio. I’m also betting, if you are of a certain age, that you’ve heard of them under two very different names. And, of course, you’ve heard them sing.

They are publicly known as Nino Tempo and April Stevens, a brother and sister singing act from Niagara Falls, NY, now 85 and 91 years old, respectively; they have a firm place in this history of 1960’s pop/rock music.

Most notably, if you were alive and old enough to remember the notorious date of November 22, 1963, the song that may have been interrupeted on your radio with the somber news that JFK had been shot, was Nino and April’s rendition of Deep Purple. I centainly remember that day–I was in 8th grade, and I certainly remember the song.

It was number 1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 that infamous week in 1963. We’d hardly call it rock today, but it went on to win a Grammy for “Best Rock and Roll Recording of the Year.” And we certainly wouldn’t call April’s spoken lyrics, under Tempo’s singing, “rap.” Apparently, that effect was an accident. In an early warmup session in the recording studio, Tempo forgot the lyrics and Stevens jokingly whispered them to him. The producer liked the effect and insisted on including it in the final release version, much to the consternation of Tempo who didn’t like somebody speaking over his singing.

Need some more trivia? I don’t know how Stevens felt–and maybe still feels today–about her brother briefly dating a budding singer named Cherilyn Sarkisian. But Cherilyn would later meet and marry one Salvatore Bono. So maybe, just maybe, Nino and April were the inspiration for Sony and Cher.

While the duo would go on to have a few modest hits, nothing ever came close to the success of Deep Purple. It’s timing, on top of Kennedy’s demise, may have signaled the end of an era for America’s pop charts. Less than three months later, Beatlemania struck the USA.

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Bjørn to Be Wild? Norwegian Jazz Drummers from K to N

Every year my Christmas Grinch schtick lingers past the expiration date, like a dried up ole Christmas tree that the family got too lazy to throw away. So, the first order of business here is to bump that puppy off the top.

Not only is it unsightly, it’s a fire hazard.

So, we turn to another worn out BoFN tradition to get the job done. That’s right! It’s Norwegian jazz time!!!!

This all started with bass player names. We discovered a disproportionate percentage of Norwegians, with extraordinary talent and outstanding names–at least from our non-Norwegian BoFN perspective. Then we moved on to drums, and it started to get just ridiculous. I mean, seriously?

It seems like if you walked down the street in Oslo, every third or fourth person would be a jazz musician. And that’s a conservative estimate.

Anyway, we took it to J last time, and feel pretty confident as we move ahead to K.

Two drummer names of note, and both take a walk on the mild side. First, we have Andreas Lønmo Knudsrød, whose understated brush sticks we can hear below in “Say No More,” a moody contemporary cut with Emilie Christensen and Harald Lassen,

Next, Bjørn Krokfoss, who has been both a drummer and bandleader for several traditional swing ensembles. Bjørn is a pillar of the jazz and arts community in Trondheim. His bandmates (at least for what I’ve sampled) have impressive chops and hold together a bright, tight sound. “Good Queen Bess” here is no exception.

The album is Kroks Fot (2018), which means “Hook Foot.” Nice play on words, there, Bjørn! We hope Bjørn can take a joke as well as make one, because we hereby place him among the other immortals of BoFN.

Moving on to L, our featured drummer/composer is Torstein Lofthus, a hugely sought after musician not only in Norway but all over Europe. He lays down some hard funk in the drum solo below.

We’re already seeing a mighty range in jazz genres here.

Surprisingly, there’s only have one drummer to choose from for M, but a worthy entry: Ole Mofjell. Everything I can find of Ole and his associates is waaaay outside (to use some hep jazz lingo), including this cut. For me, they channel Ornette Coleman (a good thing).

At the risk of jumping the Sjark, I’m going to move on to N. Here we encounter a problem similar to we had with “J” in the last episode. All of the drummers with N names sound kind of normal and . . . you know . . . just . . . Scandinavian. I’m going to go with Helge Andreas Norbakken, just because it’s the best I can do.

Here Helge plays “The Tree Did Not Die” with Phronesis, from their We Are All album.

Wow, I got lucky here. This is a great group and piece to round up the post. Outstanding!

Until we meet again at the letter O, this is wdydfae signing off and wishing you a Happy 2021!

Posted in funny names in music | Tagged , | 16 Comments