A Grinch Christmas Potpourri (Seasonal Reblog)

In the good land of BoFN when Christmas drew near
Folk were having . . . not quite universal good cheer.
For in fact, there was one . . . er, his name we can’t say . . .
Whud Id Fah? Whud Yuhd Fee? Or, Why Diddy Fay?
But in all BoFN towns and in each BoFN city
The BoFNites chose to just call him . . .

Diddy

Diddy

Now in Diddy’s hard, cold, little bristly brain
There bounced back and forth only one tired refrain.
“This name waste must stop! Stop wasting those names!
No, no, no! Don’t you waste! No more name wasting games!
Funny names are a rare, irreplaceable treasure!
Don’t waste them, I say! They are rare beyond measure!”

And so it went on, and then on, and on more
Until BoFNites marched to bang on the king’s door.
“Tell this Diddy to cease! Tell this Diddy to hush!
But don’t you stop there: tell this Diddy ‘Shush! Shush!'”

So King Dave rolled his eyes and paid Diddy a visit.
And he said, “Look here, Diddy! This isn’t keen, is it?
This pouting and shouting and spouting–not good!
The real estate’s tanking in each neighborhood.”

“Look around you! These names are not really so rare!
They are here! They are there! There are names everywhere!
You see, Diddy, funny names DO grow on trees
And on bushes and twigs and from pods of green peas.”

Now, according to custom, a Scrooge-ish conversion
Takes many long scenes in a good movie version,
And many a page in a fine children’s book,
And that is indeed how long Diddy’s took,
But we’ve got strict word limits so we’ll jump on ahead
And show, not old Diddy, but the new one instead.

“King Dave, you are right!!! How could I be so wrong?!?”
Diddy said (and we promise this change did take long).

“There are funny names here, and funny names there!
Why, there’s one on the porch, and on the third stair!
Yes, finding these names is not hard! It’s a cinch!
Look, here’s Cindy Lou Who, Mayor Maywho, and Grinch!
Cindy Lou lives in Whoville and Grinch on Mt. Crumpit,
And he tore down its slopes blaring blasts from a trumpet!”

Thus Diddy expounded, his arms stretched aloft.
“Oh, and Grinch had a song sung by Thurl Ravenscroft!”

“Now you doubters who gasp, to your total surprise’ll
hear Theo LeSieg, Theodor Seuss Geisel
A.k.a. Theophrastus, our own Dr. Seuss!
(Who drew the green eggs with a car and caboose)!
And our Seuss had a publisher named Bennett Cerf,
And though it’s off topic, this thing’s called a Smurf!

Well, the BoFNites marched to King Dave’s house once more.
“Stop this Diddy!” they cried. NOW HE’S WORSE THAN BEFORE!!!

So, we hope that our tale gave you some small delight,
We’ll end here and wish you a good Christmas night!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

But our story’s not really quite over at all,
For we’ve got to get out and give King Dave a call,
Not to pound on his door but to lend him a hand!
Click the icon below and you’ll understand.

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How to mix a Pink Martini: China Forbes, Storm Large, and Meow Meow

“Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman…or a bad woman.”–George Burns.

I must admit, I’ll take any one or all three of  the George Burns aforementioned above.  But when it comes to martinis, my favorite is a pink one. That is, Pink Martini, the Portland, Oregon based musical group founded in 1994 by Thomas Lauderdale.  Musical group is a bit of a tepid description though; pop/jazz/world orchestra is better.  To call them eclectic is an understatement.  Featuring, at times, a dozen or more instruments (almost always acoustic) and a half dozen or more vocalists, they have toured the world, won awards, performed and recorded songs in 25 different languages, and sold a lot records.

Pink Martini with China Forbes

And although Pink Martini might not be a particularly funny name for a band or orchestra, they like to mix their drink with funny-named singers.  To be precise, there are three of note, as described below with a YouTube sampling from each.

China ForbesThe lead singer of Pink Martini since 1995, Ms. Forbes is bit of an interesting drink mix herself, having a father of Scottish and French descent and an African-American mother.  I guess when you mix those three nationalities, you get Chinese.

China Forbes with Pink Martini, filmed in 1996 for a French documentary on the group

Storm LargeAn American singer/songwriter/actress, she tours with group and alternates with Forbes as lead singer.  Her early musical background was mostly as a rock singer, but as the video below illustrates, she can do much more.  And her performanes are, well, large.

Storm Large with Pink Martini

Meow MeowBorn Melissa Madden Gray, Meow Meow is an Australian actrees, dancer and caberet singer.  She ocassionally tours with Pink Martini as a featured guest singer.  The bit below–which she also performed recently when my wife and I saw the Pink ones in New Haven–is indicative of what you might expect from somebody going by Meow Meow.

The typical purring of Meow Meow

By the way, the one and only lead male singer is Timithy Nishimoto. That name is probably only funny in Japan.

As for me, I’ll take my martinis, dry and pink, with all three of these talented ladies.

Read my serious musings on Seeking Delphi™–and my riduculous and subline (and sometimes downright silly) pronouncements at The Millennium Conjectures.

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Ferdinand Joseph LaMothe aka Jelly Roll Morton

My pop introduced me to early jazz through his large collection of 78s. From those thick, heavy, swiftly spinning disks emerged the crackling sounds of such greats as Thomas Wright “Fats” Waller,

Bessie Smith, known in her day as Empress of the Blues,

and of course, Louis Daniel Armstrong, otherwise known as Pops, Satch, or Satchmo.

These giants of jazz and blues present a pretty normal array of names, especially if you take away the nicknames. But the jazzman that stacked up highest (literally) in my dad’s 78 collection was none other than Jelly Roll Morton, born Ferdinand Joseph LaMothe.

According to some, especially himself, Jelly Roll’s contribution was so fundamental to jazz that he invented it. That’s a big claim, but there seems to be some justification, and even if people in the know about jazz history don’t exactly endorse that line, they don’t really seem to dispute it. Jelly Roll developed some of the first, maybe the first, and definitely the most prolific early jazz arrangements.

I can’t verify this for myself, but Dad told me that when Jelly Roll made his famous Library of Congress recordings, he opened with the following words:

Jazz started in New Orleans, and I will no doubt show you how it was played.

That definitely sounds like Jelly Roll: arrogant, confident, whimsical, mock pedantic. The Library of Congress recordings are a real treat, anyway:

Jelly Roll was born of Creole parents and was a native of New Orleans. As a teenager, he started singing and playing piano in a house of ill repute, called a “sporting house.” (The house musician was called a “professor.”)

When my grandmother found out that I was playing jazz in one of the sporting houses in the District, she told me that I had disgraced the family and forbade me to live at the house. … She told me that devil music would surely bring about my downfall, but I just couldn’t put it behind me.

A lot of jazz emerged from such sporting houses, and the word jazz itself, like “rock and roll,” was at one point a slang term for . . . the . . . uh . . . act of . . . er . . . carnal . . . um . . . information acquisition. “Jelly roll” itself was a slang term that had certain . . . er . . . connotations of an . . . uh . . . anatomical nature. At any rate, Jelly Roll may have changed his last name to Morton in order not to bring further disgrace upon the family.

Jelly Roll was playing, writing and publishing before the emergence of the recording industry. He toured extensively, and stationed himself in various music hubs including Vancouver, Chicago, New York, and Washington. In Washington, he was the victim of a knife attack in the club he was managing. After being refused admittance by a segregated hospital nearby, he was treated very poorly at a black hospital further away. He never completely recovered from this attack and died from complications three years later in Los Angeles, in 1941.

Jelly Roll left behind a massive musical output, and eventually earned great honor and acclaim, including induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Long may the Jelly Roll legacy endure!

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It’s Not What You Thot

InSTYLEAug2019

Flipping through the pages of the August 2019 InSTYLE magazine, I recently stumbled across this Loreal ad of two stunning models, Duckie Thot and Luma Grothe. While one could argue that Luma Grothe is a fine funny name in its own right, there is no humor there, save supposing one said her last name as “Gross” with a lisp.

Rather, today we celebrate her Loreal lipstick sister in crime, Duckie Thot.

Duckie (understandably) is the nickname for 23-year-old Nyadak Thot. Born to a family of South Sudanese refugees, she was raised in Australia, where Aussies could not pronounce Nyadak. Thus, “Duckie” was born. We’ll get to that later.

Now, if you are of a particular age, or still say “far out,” then you might not be aware that THOT is an acronym for “that ho over there.” Yep, kids say it.

YouTube

An IG THOT is an Instagram THOT, one who posts hoochie pictures to garner interest. As far as we know, Duckie is not a THOT. But she is a Thot, born that way before the slang ever existed. I imagine she’s had her share of the word thrown at her by now and is laughing all the way to the bank of Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show models.

In a world of names like this (yes, there is an Amelia in my son’s school):

Nyadak doesn’t make the top 10. Or 50. Or 20,000. Let’s be honest. I’ve never seen a name on a keychain that started with “Ny” at all. But Duckie brings to mind a plethora of friendly images. There’s the Rubber Duckie to which Ernie sang on Sesame Street. There’s Duckie Dale from Pretty in Pink (if you’re a Gen X-er), or maybe you just think of Donald Duck himself. Whatever it is, ducks are likable. Geese, not so much.

And Duckie Dale was quite the fashionista in his own right.

theguardian.com

So there you go. Now you’ve got all your ducks in a row; you know who Duckie Thot is, you’re on top of your misogynistic trollop slang, and you just might be thinking of a broad-billed waterbird (perhaps a l’Orange). And if that’s not enough, I leave you with yet more slang.

sharonwwk.wordpress.com

Granted “staste” doesn’t know how to make a proper contraction out of “you” and “are,” so she I suspect she’s under 30. But now you can incorporate yet another term into conversation. And thanks for stopping by the Blog of Funny Names, my duckies!

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Baldassare Longhena: Going For Baroque

Without my readers (not YOU GUYS–my specs), the blurry name above suggests bad-a$$ longhorns, the mascot of my alma mater. But using my prescription readers, I can sound it out as it should be. Bal-das-SA-reh. Say it with your fingers pinched together like an Italian (but say “eye-talian” because it’s more fun). Today, we learn about the funny-named Venetian architect, Baldassare Longhena.

Bald bottoms aside, Baldassare is actually Italian for Balthazar. And Longhena certainly wasn’t the first famous Balthazar. Despite the fact that the Gospel of Matthew nowhere names the Magi (or even says there were three), tradition suggests that “we three kings of Orient are” answered to Caspar, Melchior, and Balthazar. The latter is referred to as the King of Arabia and the one who offered the ever-questionable myrrh, a resin which most of us have lived our lives without. Here he is depicted mid-offer. 

The Adoration of the Three Kings by Girolamo de Santacroce

But wait! Balthazar isn’t just a magi; it’s also a crazy large wine bottle, equivalent to that of 16 ordinary wine bottles.

Thass alotta wine!

But let’s get down to brass tacks. Baldassare Longhena was an Italian architect born at the turn of the 17th century. Now I know what you’re thinking: Mike Brady is the only architect worth posting about. Look at him getting his blueprint on.

And maybe you’re thinking, “What could compare to the beauty and complexity of his Shop N Go?”

I don’t know. Maybe the Basilica di Santa Maria della Salute?

wikipedia

Impressive, no? The Longhena-designed basilica began construction in 1631 as a way of saying thank you to the Virgin Mary (the one whose son received myrrh from the other Balthazar) for delivering Venice from the clutches of the plague (aka the Black Death). Beginning in the summer of 1630, the plague made its way through the city, wiping out nearly a third of the population within a year. The Republic of Venice decided to erect and dedicate the elegant domed church as a votive offering for deliverance and to gain protection from the Virgin.

As a master of Baroque architecture, Longhena combined the extravagant and the ornate. And he did not stop with just one church. Nay, he designed the Chiesa dell’Ospedaletto and Santa Maria di Nazareth, as well as the Chioggia Cathedral. Between 1641 and 1680, he designed a new library, the grand staircase, the monastery facade, the novitiate (where the novices lived), the infirmary, and the guest quarters of the San Giorgio Maggiore monastery, shown below.

If you’d like to visit, you can book a room there. Upon the advice of http://www.theguardian.com,

“As you leave Santa Lucia station, take vaporetto number 2 down the Grand Canal to San Giorgio. On arrival, you ring a buzzer, marked Monaci Benedittine (Benedictine monks), on the heavy door to the right of the white church. There’s no checking in; you will simply be led up some worn stone steps to your quiet room.” Plus, they serve croissants at breakfast!

Though Longhena passed in 1682, his legacy remains in the arches and domes of the beautiful Venice skyline. Long live Longhena!

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