Fish Wars! (And Mullets Too!) – Funny Baseball Names

Baseball history was made on Sunday afternoon (I think) when two fishy-named players squared off in an epic 13-inning battle between the San Diego Padres and Los Angeles Angels at Petco Park. It was the first time (to my knowledge) that one fishy-named player hit a home run off of another fishy-named player, as the Angels’ Mike Trout hit a solo shot off the Padres’ Anthony Bass in the 5th inning.

The mullet – a hairdo?

This occasion inspired me to create a list I will call baseball’s “All-Time Aquatic All-Stars” team. I have named the best player at each position with an aquatically-oriented name. So here goes:

C: Whale Walters – not exactly a star, the pudgy backstop batted only .172 in his one year in the big leagues.

1B: Hooks Cotter (As in fishing hooks) – batted .264 over two years, but played fine defense!

2B: Callix Crabbe – played one season with the Padres in 2008.

3B: Craig Shipley – a coveted utility player, Shipley batted .271 over parts of 11 seasons in the big leagues.

SS: Troy Tulowitzki – current All-Star shortstop for the Colorado Rockies, considered by many to be the best active shortstop in the game. And no, his name has nothing do with fish or sea life. Read on to find out why he’s on the list!

LF: Chester Guppy – not much is known about Guppy, who actually never reached the majors, but played for several years in the minors. But I couldn’t resist putting him on the list – what a name!

CF: Mike Trout – a young up-and-comer, Trout was ranked as the best prospect in baseball in 2011.

RF: Tim Salmon – considered by many to be the best player in Angels history, Salmon batted .282 with 299 homers in 14 seasons with the Angels.

Starting Pitcher: Catfish Hunter – Baseball Hall of Famer, amassed 224 wins and a Cy Young Award over 15 seasons in the big leagues.

Relief Pitcher: Anthony Bass – young starter/middle reliever, surrendered the aforementioned home run to Mr. Trout.

Closer: Marlin Stuart – not exactly a household name, Stuart amassed 15 saves over 6 years in the late ‘40s and early ‘50s.

What a team! It would be interesting to see how they would have played together, given the absolutely terrible career stats of some of the players, and the All-Star caliber performance of others. However, one thing is for certain – they all have awesome names.

…or a fish?

But ahh yes, you want to know why Troy Tulowitzki is on the list. Let’s just say he had a rather fishy hairdo, according to the greatest announcer in baseball history, Vin Scully (please listen to the clip, I guarantee you won’t regret it):

http://deadspin.com/5616896/vin-scully-doesnt-understand-your-newfangled-haircut-troy-tulowitzki

“A mullet’s a fish!” Well said, Vin.

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About Rob

Huge San Diego Padres fan, working as an economic consultant in Pasadena, CA. Contributor to the Funny Names Blog. funnynamesblog.wordpress.com
This entry was posted in funny names in baseball. Bookmark the permalink.

28 Responses to Fish Wars! (And Mullets Too!) – Funny Baseball Names

  1. Dave says:

    This is my favorite post of yours so far!

    Not only does it link to one of the greatest moments in announcing ever recorded, but it also shows off your impressive prowess in baseball names. It’s not quite “Bone Wars”, but that one might be my finest piece ever. Seriously good post, though. I can see us getting some search results for these obscure guys too.

  2. Baseball would be a giant treasure trove for a funny name finder.

  3. aFrankAngle says:

    Interesting lineup … Meanwhile, I have compiled 28 all-time teams. Enjoy. http://afrankangle.wordpress.com/category/sports/all-time-teams/

    • Dave says:

      I still love the all-time girly girl team! I think we might be starting to compile an all-time funny names baseball all-star game, or perhaps several, over the next few stuff. Perhaps we could bring you in as a consultant. It’s rare to find someone who is as interested in people’s names as we are.

      • aFrankAngle says:

        Ha ha … Not sure at your end, but at this end I compare the stats of the possible players. One of my favorite teams is the All-Time Georges who didn’t go by George.

  4. Good post. Earlier this year I found it interesting that Trout was in the Angels outfield where Salmon spent so many years. Now that’s scouting!

  5. paralaxvu says:

    Sounds like a crappy story to me…

    • Dave says:

      Haha, I assume you meant “crappie”? 🙂

      • Rob says:

        I wonder how many people know that a crappie is a fish. Well, besides those who played that silly fishing game as kids. The “this jig’n’pig [which I thought was chicken pig before I just looked it up] looks like a crawdad…a favorite food of bass and catfish!” game. (Folks, Dave is probably the only one who gets that reference – don’t worry)

      • Rob says:

        I was also about to induct Tim “Walleye” Wallach, but there were two problems with that: 1. he didn’t have that nickname and 2. A walleye is a pretty obscure fish.

  6. beatrix mana says:

    My boys are going to love to read this one,thank you.

    • Dave says:

      Glad you enjoyed it, Batman! I like the fact that your location on your gravatar profile says “Hotel”

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  9. da parson says:

    LOVED this one. Reminded me of another reason why baseball is so much fun.

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