As the soccer (or football, depending on where you are) season draws to a close, it’s time to hand out some awards. Of course, this is the Funny Names Blog, so we don’t give accolades for meaningless things like performance, success or winning stuff. We focus on the important things, like how well a name rhymes with itself, could a last name mean something mildly amusing if you really thought about it, and does the word “cock” appear anywhere in a name.
Christopher Samba performing one of his famous dance routines. He’s since taken his art to the promised land of ballet, Russia.
I know you’re dying to find out who the best performers were in the English leagues in 2011-2012, so with no further introduction, here are the results :
Most Musical Sounding Name
Pape Boupa Diop, West Ham United
Runner-up : Christopher Samba, Blackburn Rovers
Most Biblical
Reuben Noble-Lazarus, Barnsley
Best Advertisement for One’s “Goods”
Will Packwood, Birmingham City
Runner-up : David Goodwillie, Blackburn Rovers
Best African Name
Kazenga LuaLua, Brighton and Lomana LuaLua, Blackpool
Runners-up : Kagisho Dikgacoi, Crystal Palace, Papiss Demba Cisse, Newcastle
Most Impressive Combination of Western and African Names
Bartholomew Ogbeche, Middlesbrough
Our research indicates these fine creatures are not related to Mark Beevers.
Best Animal Themed Name
Jonathan Hogg, Watford
Best Rhyming Scheme
Angel Rangel, Swansea City
Best Superhero Name
Nile Ranger, Newcastle
Most Giggle-Inducing
Harry Bunn, Manchester City
Runner-up : Mark Beevers, Sheffield Wednesday
Most Distinguished Sounding
Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Arsenal
Best Prince Reference
Filip Kiss, Cardiff City
Danny Drinkwater, pictured not drinking water.
Easiest Pun
Danny Shittu, QPR
Solution to Thirst Award
Danny Drinkwater, Leicester
Most Mystifying
Exodus Geohaghon, Mansfield
Just Eccentric
Ronald Zubar, Wolves ; Jeffrey Schlupp, Leicester ; Dexter Blackstock, Nottingham ; Steven Swinglehurst, Carlisle
Best Nordic Name
Gylfi Sigurðsson, Swansea
Best Former Exotic Dancer
Aiden Chippendale, Huddersfield
And that, as they say, is that. Share your favorites in the comments!
I hope you enjoyed this end of season ceremony, and if I’ve left someone highly deserving off the list…there’s always next year!
Those were excellent. I have two grandchildren named Noah Peter and Onya Leigh(pronounced Lay) Have a wonderful day.
I knew we liked you for a reason! 🙂
Funny
Thanks! (I’ll take credit, even though Arto wrote the post 🙂 )
Haha, I love the “Best Prince Reference” category. I think we should try to use that phrase as much as possible on this blog.
Might even result in a spin-off blog, “Unintentional Prince Reference of the Day”
Angel Rangel, I love that one! The wonderfully rhyming names of some of the players in Australian rugby should give you a very happy feeling, my favourite is Fuifui Moimoi. I have added a highlights clip of this frighteningly unstoppable man just to show you how unlikely it is that anybody ever laughed at his name and survived. 🙂
I’m going to not laugh at that name out of pure fear of being mauled by Mr. Moimoi (theehee). Soccer players are probably a safer target.
I think you are right. You would probably be in more danger from the soccer WAG’s than the players 😉
Haha, it depends on the country, but I’d say that the WAGs from most countries are tougher than the players.
TOO funny! (Although when it comes to names, that’s not exactly possible.)
I know! What’s the best name you’ve heard lately? I’m wondering if anything will ever overcome Outerbridge Horsey VII on my list. That name is really special.
One would have to jump over a lot of hurdles to top THAT one. Can’t think of any ringers at the moment, but I know where you live (virtually speaking).
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