Flash Those Pearly Whites! Funny Names in the News, Inaugural Edition

Alright everyone! We’re trying something a bit different today, that will probably become more of a regular feature on our blog. Funny Names in the News!

If I had a dollar for every person who has told me “The Funny Names Blog is great, but these historical names are getting a bit stale – you should spice it up a bit with some current events,” I still wouldn’t have made a dollar from this blog. Nevertheless, it’s always good to see that the world is still rife with nominal awesomeness, and as the vanguards of funnynameology, we feel it’s our duty to share it with you.

We’ve been sitting on some of these for a few weeks, so it’s great to let this news see the light of day!

Florence Colgate, 18, and her mom. Or “mum,” as they say in England. (We pride ourselves on our cultural sensitivity)

– Former world boxing champion Winky Wright (actual name: Ronald Wright, but he’s professionally known as Winky) retired last week after a loss in a comeback fight after a few years’ hiatus. It was a heck of a career though. The boxer – now 40 years old – won his first world title in 1996 (16 years ago) with a win over then-champion Bronco McKart.

– NASCAR driver Rusty Wallace endorsed Jeff Tarte, mayor of Cornelius, North Carolina, for the Senate.

– Eighteen-year-old Florence Colgate was scientifically shown to have “Britain’s Most Beautiful Face.”  Attractiveness studies always strike me as a bit odd, but who are we to judge? I wasn’t sure whether this name met our strenuous standards until I realized it sounds like it came from a dental hygienist’s to-do list (“fluor, rinse, Colgate”)  – which might explain her “perfect” smile. Bonus funny name points for the URL of that article containing the phrase “Eye_Socket_Strength”.

– Lately, while catching up on one of my favorite shows – NBC’s hilarious comedy “Community” – I came across this gem from an episode that originally aired a couple of months ago. The context: protagonist Jeff Winger (Joel McHale) is interrupted by a group of loud, German foosball players and goes over to confront them with the following fabrication.

Gentlemen… my name is Clarence Thaddeus Foos. My grandfather, Fletcher Morton Foos, invented this game for one purpose: to have the loudest, dumbest thing happen. Now it has. The game of foosball is completed. You’re free to return to your undoubtedly hearing-impaired families.

If only those names weren’t made up by a bunch of screenwriters…

There you have it folks! Our first ever Funny Names in the News. Let us know your thoughts on today’s FNITN (pronounced “fa-nittin”) – and what other funny names you’ve heard lately – in the comments.

Also, since bizarre scientific studies are apparently today’s theme, we’ve decided to conduct a survey. Please participate unless you hate “science.”

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About Dave

Based out of San Diego, California. Co-founder of the Blog of Funny Names. funnynamesblog.wordpress.com
This entry was posted in Funny Names In The News. Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to Flash Those Pearly Whites! Funny Names in the News, Inaugural Edition

  1. Margarita says:

    Your survey results say a little something about your readers…I’m just not sure what!

  2. Kinked Slinky says:

    The “I decline ” is very clever !

  3. Bumba says:

    I personally declined. I also declined to give a dollar! People used to offer nickels for these kinds of things. And if I had a nickel for every time I gave a nickel…..

    • Dave says:

      Haha, what’s the deal with nickels anyway? They seem like more hassle than they’re worth, although I’d hate having to grab nine pennies for someone. Remember that discussion a few years ago about whether to abolish the penny? I think they should just round everything to the nearest 5 or 10 cents.

      Thank you for declining. I was hoping that answer would get some good votes. 🙂

  4. midlifemeg says:

    I’ve always prided myself on my eye-socket-strength, but I didn’t know it was related to the perfection level of my face.

    • Dave says:

      From your profile picture, I can see why you pride yourself on that. Your eye sockets look like they do a particularly strong job holding your eyes in place.

      I hadn’t thought about it either, but it makes so much sense! If the eye sockets can’t house the eyes properly, then it definitely seems like that’d put a damper on any claims to perfection. Thank you science! 🙂

      • midlifemeg says:

        you are cracking me up. Now I have a visual of someone’s eye sockets performing poorly. Not pretty. Very Tim Burton.

        • Dave says:

          Now I’m having that visual too, haha. I still have no clue what “eye socket strength” could have to do with that article. Its inclusion in the URL is one of life’s little enigmas.

  5. magsx2 says:

    Hi,
    I did the survey and chose, personal taste. 🙂

    • Dave says:

      Good choice. That would have probably been my choice too. Life is better when everyone is not attracted to the exact same people.

  6. paralaxvu says:

    I like the fanittin name best;-)

    • Dave says:

      Thanks! I threw that in there at the very last moment. I think unnecessary, hard-to-pronounce acronyms are always amusing – except when you have to memorize them for an exam or something.

  7. amb says:

    *swoon* The fact that you just quoted Community takes you to a whole new level of awesome-ness, I have to say. I love you even more now, if such a feat is indeed possible.

    PS: On the show, Pierce Hawthorne’s dad is named Cornelius Hawthorne. Pierce is played by Chevy Chase, as you know…but did you know Chase’s full name is Cornelius Crane “Chevy” Chase? Just sayin’.

  8. It’s funny you came up with this concept, but I’m glad you did. I always think of your blog when I read the news and come across a funny name!

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