Funny Names in the News – Week 2

Last week we debuted our newest feature, Funny Names in the News – or FNITN (“fa-nittin'”) for the word-averse. Today’s the day for our second edition, and it’s a-chock full of doozies!

“Would you like Woffles with that?”

The news this week tells us in Europe they play a game called “soccer”. Those dastardly ball kickers are currently engaged in a European Championship for continental bragging rights in the sport, and what better place to find strange names than that. Scanning the match report for the meeting between Poland and Russia leads us to Jakub Blaszczykowski, who scored for Poland. Assisting on his goal was Lukasz Piszczek, leading sports journalists everywhere to find their copy-paste functions, or just resort to calling the former by his nickname “Kuba”, which he has wisely adopted while playing in Germany. Seriously, that’s a lot of cs and zs.

Right here near Funny Names HQ in San Diego, Gary Kreep narrowly defeated Garland Peed in a judge race last week. Kreep held the vaunted mustache-advantage which might have propelled him to the win over the handsomer and only slightly more pleasantly named giggle-inducer Peed. In his future career as judge, I see it unlikely he’ll face a funnier named battle than Kreep vs. Peed.

In no way does this man look Kreep-y.

Elsewhere in the news, Singaporean plastic surgeon Woffles Wu was fined last week for having an elderly employee take the blame for a traffic offence he had committed. Wu apparently is a surgeon of note in Singapore and is sometimes quoted in the local press when it becomes pressing to get a plastic surgeon’s opinion on your story. (Tip of the hat to paralaxvu for alerting us to Woffles)

Meanwhile, American Idol winner Phillip Phillips, who I had never heard of, but who is apparently a person of such note that his passing of kidney stones is front page news, has done just that. Journalistic integrity hotspot TMZ reported that Mr. Phillips, who presumably goes by just Phillip, and is close to a major sponsorship deal with Philips to advertise their Phillips-head screwdrivers, is recovering at a top-secret Malibu location from the galling experience. We wish him the best.

The Huffington Post has also been busy covering current events, focusing on the Iranian hostage crisis during Jimmy Carter’s presidency. What drew our eyes the article was a mention of the old peanut farmer’s former media advisor Gerald Rafshoon, who has the kind of name to solve any crisis (except for that one, obviously).

“I have kidney stones, yeah, yeah, aaaaarghh”

Wrapping up our second edition of funny names from around the world, a New Zealand- based artist has taken the concept of funny names to its literal extreme and adopted the name Ha Ha, the North Dakota Senate race includes someone called Heidi Heitkamp, and this top ranking article at Businessweek was co-authored by Cordell Eddings.

Although this article is nominally about the news, I’m pleased to say you have almost certainly learned nothing of note. Our journalistic ambition is limited to perhaps making you giggle once or twice at some amusing names. Congratulations to all this week’s news makers and thank you for reading!

About Arto

Co-founder of the Funny Names Blog, Hawaiian shirt enthusiast, and holder of a funny name himself with too many vowels for any sensible person. Currently residing in San Diego, California, scouring through obscure documents on a hunt for more funny names.
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9 Responses to Funny Names in the News – Week 2

  1. I guess my name can be funny lol.

  2. paralaxvu says:

    I love learning nothing of note funnily!

  3. Now I am constantly looking for strange names or maybe I’m just drawn to them from following your clever blog…who knows. I would like you to note the upcoming Olympic swim team may have a few candidates for you to write about….hint…just saying.

    • Arto says:

      I know the phenomenon you speak of. You start to get sensitive to funny names. It’s a great way of passing time at an endless graduation ceremony for instance 😉 I’ll look into the swim team…I’m sure there’s a name or two in there who could make a splash on these here pages.

  4. I would want to keep Garland Peed FAR away from my Christmas decorations (and I wouldn’t want him near my woffles either).

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