A Cornelius Sighting and Zoard Action! It Must Be Funny Names In The News – Week IV

Another week, another update on Funny Names in the News! Wear your finest suspenders and dust off that sponsored baseball cap from an obscure local business (I love my Dusty’s Hydroponics hat) because it’s time to dress up in style and honor the more accomplished silly-named individuals of the week.

NBA Champion Dexter Pittman, showing off his pits, man.

My Esteemed Colleague® Dave tells me Adele Laurie Blue Adkins, better known as just Adele, or “that voice in my head for the past two years”, has broken her barren streak in the news by announcing she’s having a baby. Here’s hoping it’s a Cornelius!

In more celebrity baby news, Twilight “star” Cam Joslin Gigandet and fiancee Dominique Geisendorff are expecting another child. Their first child was named Everleigh, which is kind of like Ever Gabo, except not nearly as good.

In the sports section, an amusing story tells us NBA champion LeBron Raymone James almost lost his Playoff MVP Award moments after winning it. It should be a win enough to have that name, and to get to play with people named Dwyane WadeUdonis Haslem, and Dexter Pittman.

Elsewhere in sports, The University of Massachusetts hockey program has hired the excellently named Rand Pecknold, who was previously employed by Quinnipiac. He replaces Don Cahoon, according to this story in the College Hockey News, which looks legitimate, but is so filled with funny names it almost seems fake.

Beginning our sure-to-be-acclaimed series “This Week In Legal Threat- Inspired Nonsense“, a lifeguard in Florida was fired for saving a man’s life because the man was drowning outside of his work zone. This is relevant to our blog because one of the man’s co-workers who later resigned in protest and talked to the Globe and Mail is called Zoard Janko. Hey, if there’s one place you’ll find a guy named Zoard, it’s probably at the beach. Zoard!

Elsewhere in sports, Cornelius “K9” Bundrage prevailed in a boxing match against Cory Spinks last Saturday, resulting in him barking like a dog on live television. I’m told this is perfectly normal, and perhaps should expected from someone named Cornelius Bundrage.

It can’t be easy being a kicker called Blewitt. That kid was just set up for abuse.

Jinky Llamanzares knows anyone named Jinky is an automatic badass.

And while this is technically not from this week, I can’t pass up the opportunity to share someone with the name Jinky, so here goes. The venerable stage performer Jinky Llamanzares is currently performing on stage in Rock of Ages in Toronto. We recommend you make the trip, or if you’re one of our regular readers in that fine city, do take the opportunity to see Jinky in action. (Dave’s Note: Manny Pacquiao’s wife Jinkee agrees!)

That’s it for this week! Happy Travels!

P.S We hope to see someone named Happy Travels in next week’s edition.

About Arto

Co-founder of the Funny Names Blog, Hawaiian shirt enthusiast, and holder of a funny name himself with too many vowels for any sensible person. Currently residing in San Diego, California, scouring through obscure documents on a hunt for more funny names. www.funnynamesblog.wordpress.com
This entry was posted in Funny Names In The News and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to A Cornelius Sighting and Zoard Action! It Must Be Funny Names In The News – Week IV

  1. paralaxvu says:

    And if he surfed, it’d be on a Zoard board. Fer sure.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s