Giuseppe Garibaldi

Guiseppe Garibaldi, wearing his Gaucho-inspired greatness-enhancing getup.

Back in the good ol’ days, when this blog was in its infancy I wrote a post about Archibald Hall Throckmorton.

I want to thank the 12 people who read that post, and inform everyone else of the bold prediction I made in that article – that more material from the awesomely-named “Crypto-Jews/False Christians” page (brought to you by the All Seeing Eye of Saturn‘s group of Kabbalists, Jesuits, Occultists, Freemasons and the New World Order) would show up on our blog.

Why? Because we’re suckers for bizarre webpages replete with facial hair and guys named Tadeusz Kościuszko.

Ignoring my absent-minded failure to mention that Lesane Parish Crooks‘ “West Side” symbol was obviously* derived from the masonic “Triad claw” hand gesture – don’t believe me? Check out the bottom of this page and read their useful and completely not-far-fetched* explanation why  – I’d like to follow through on the prediction of that site’s re-emergence on our blog.

*wink 😉

Giuseppe Garibaldi was an Italian military general and politician, who helped unify Italy and would be described as a revolutionary if not for the fact that he usually tried to work with already-established powers. His career began when he fled Genoa with a bounty on his head. He moved to Brazil, joining a group of gaucho rebels – farrapos (“Ragamuffins”) –  in protecting the Rio Grande Do Sul Republic, helping it separate from the recently-founded Brazilian nation.

Giuseppe Garibaldi, whose “West Side/Triad claw” hand position clearly pegs him as a Freemasonizing crypto-Jew and false Christian, and not a guy just resting his hands on his hips.

There, he met his wife and they moved to Uruguay where they had four children while Giuseppe worked as a trader and schoolmaster. In his spare time, he decided to take command of the Uruguayan fleet, raise an “Italian legion” and side with the Colorados (led by Fructuouso Rivera) during the Uruguayan Civil War, from which his side emerged victorious 7 years later.

Afterwards, Giuseppe – who wasn’t down with the troubles springing up in his homeland – returned to Italy, spending a year there. That year, he led forces in the new Roman Republic, beating a numerically superior French army before being toppled by a numerically even-more-superior army of French reinforcements. That year, he also wrote a novel after the death of a fallen compatriot, before being kicked out of former Italian lands under French control.

No biggie. Giuseppe Garibaldi just moved to Morocco, the U.S., Nicaragua, Peru, and England – working odd jobs until his Genoese exile ended. He returned to Italy and led several military groups, winning improbable victories and making huge strides toward Italian independence, becoming a national hero in  the process.

That wasn’t enough for Garibaldi. Just a year later, in 1861, he volunteered his services to Abraham Lincoln during the American Civil war, being offered a post as a Major General – but refused because Lincoln was not yet ready to make abolition of slavery his central platform in in the war. Garibaldi would later give Lincoln major props after the Emancipation Proclamation.

In his later years, he settled for minor accomplishments like independently defending Rome from an attack by Napoleon III and managing the only Italian victory in the Austro-Prussian war, more adventures, a gifted career in politics, a final successful military campaign, and forming a group advocating the emancipation of women and universal suffrage.

He died in 1882 “in a bed facing the emerald and sapphire sea,” and was buried. Earlier this year, his remains were exhumed to do DNA analysis to confirm his lineage. He was a big deal.

For all this, he is universally recognized as one of Italy’s four “Fathers of the Fatherland” – a phrase which I was going call redundant until I saw this label from an American fashion designer…

Sometimes the best commentary is to restate the original words verbatim. Thus, Jacobs by Marc Jacobs for Marc by Marc Jacobs in collaboration with Marc Jacobs for Marc by Marc Jacobs.

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About Dave

Based out of San Diego, California. Co-founder of the Blog of Funny Names. funnynamesblog.wordpress.com
This entry was posted in Greatest hits. Bookmark the permalink.

29 Responses to Giuseppe Garibaldi

  1. Margarita says:

    Quite the time traveler, Garibaldi, offering his services to Lincoln in 1961 and dying in 1882. Now my previous experience with him – Garibaldi Square, Mexico City, involving lots of tequila – makes MUCH more sense! lol

  2. Fab name – wonder if he ate his namesake’s biscuits?!
    😀

  3. mynameisntbitsie says:

    What a stylish man! Almost as stylish as Marc Jacobs for Marc Jacobs by Marc Jacobs designed by Marc Jacobs designer jeans! Maybe they shoul take a page out of Giuseppe’s book and start a fashion revolution!

  4. Finally made it here! Loved the story – My favorite part is where he died in a bed facing the water. We should all die like that! 🙂 I love that we both wrote about a Giuseppe on the same day – and I really want to hear what a Law of Large Numbers is all about! 🙂

    • Dave says:

      Glad you liked it, and I totally agree we should all be facing the ocean when we pass away!

      There are two common ways people use the Law of Large Numbers:

      The boring one (used by boring physicists and statisticians) says that if you run a series (such as flipping a coin) a large enough number of times, the results will align closely with the expected value. You may start with seven tails and one heads, but by the time you’ve done a thousand or a million flips, it’ll be pretty close to 50% for each. That’s the boring one.

      The FUN one says that if you have a large enough sample size, all sorts of crazy things can happen. If you ever watched Unsolved Mysteries, they used to have those cases where twins were separated at birth, and were later discovered to be living within 10 miles of each other and driving the same type of car and married to similar-looking wives. People always said it was “fate” or some “divine logic”, but it was really just the Law of Large Numbers at work. They just never showed cases where twins separated at birth had lives that were drastically different.

      In our case, we’ve posted about 150 people with unusual names, and I probably have read thousands of blog posts. Eventually, I was bound to encounter a name in someone else’s post that was the same as one I’d profiled that day. And it was today! And it was awesome! Thank YOU for being a part of it! 🙂 That’s the Law of Large Numbers doing that awesome thing that it does!

      • Thank you Dave! I know your readers will be a happy to read this as mine are over on my blog! I know I am!!!

      • Is the Law of Large Numbers the same as the Law of Percentages?

        • Srory, I meant, Law of Averages.

          • Dave says:

            Honestly, I’m not sure. I looked up “Law of Averages” on Google and it seems that the “law of averages” is sort of like the “gambler’s fallacy” – It’s people’s mistaken belief that if something hasn’t happened for a while, the next time it’s more likely to happen (for example, if you flip a coin and it’s tails five times in a row, people will think that there’s a greater-than-50% chance it will be heads the next time). I’m not sure though. Good question!

  5. unclerave says:

    I’m thinking that this dude just LOVED kicking ass! And, there’s no doubt in my mind that old G.G. drank heavily . . . and was one ugly drunk! Hey, Dave! Send these *crypto-pseudo-judo* clowns over to Unclerave’s Wordy Weblog, so they can read my daily Cryptoquote Spoilers.
    — YUR

    PS. I’m a crypto-Hindu false-Buddhist myself.

    • Dave says:

      I agree with you on all counts, except I didn’t know you were a crypto-Hindu false-Buddhist. I might have to start addressing you by that title from now on 😉

  6. Facinating and historical. I have always loved names and sort of collect them: I knew a Wayman at one time. I met a waitress named Dymphna, and found an ancestor by the name of Cleofus Higginbotham. Names intrigue me and yours is one of my favorite sites.

    For the record, I’m a crypto-Buddhist false Athiest.

    • Dave says:

      Thanks! We’re obviously name collectors ourselves. Rob and I probably collect them to make up for the fact that our names are boring (though our middle names aren’t), but I don’t know what Arto’s excuse is 🙂

      Dymphna is an amazing name. I wish she’d become famous so that we could feature her on this blog.

      Ancestor names are the best! My middle name is MacDonald – which was my maternal grandmother’s maiden name and dated all the way back to Scotland. The earliest known ancestor I have is Therthelnac Makdonenalde, although I don’t know if that measures up to a Cleofus Higginbotham. Perhaps we’ll need to make that a poll in an upcoming post.

      Thanks for the comment!

  7. metan says:

    He looks quite grumpy in that second photo doesn’t he!

    I love the name Kościuszko as well, you might be interested to know that the highest mountain here in Australia is called Mt. Kościuszko.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mount_Kosciuszko

  8. Alan says:

    Loved the facial hair pics! Too funny what you did with the caption.

  9. Jerry says:

    I had sex with my dog for the first time today(:

  10. Sharon McCameron Whyte, MFA says:

    Thanks for visiting my blog http://ohmygoache.wordpress.com/! Come again any time! Like your funny names (mine’s regular, but long). I lived in Italy for awhile and Garibaldi is very revered there. He’s their national hero. Lots of buildings, bridges, schools, etc. named Garibaldi. Kind of like lots of things here are named Kennedy…airport, school, etc. His first name is the Italian “Joe”…people in Italy often call people a “Guiseppe” when they mean he’s a regular guy….so sort of the opposite of “strange”. Enjoying your names.

  11. sisteranan says:

    Garibaldi might have been a father of his country, but he sounds rather absent as a father-in-truth…

  12. Dave says:

    Reblogged this on The Blog of Funny Names and commented:

    A bit late, but today’s Throwback Thursday post is one of our blog’s most popular: Giuseppe Garibaldi!

  13. wdydfae says:

    Nice one, Dave!

    I actually knew about this guy so I can get a nice smug satisfaction hit from this one.

    But I didn’t know about Marc Jacobs. He’s my new role model now!

    I don’t know if this is part of the secret Masonic handshake deal, but did you know that almost all of the comments are hidden in a secret chamber that you can’t see from scrolling the homepage? (So there’s no indication of how many comments there really are until you do the “Read More” thing.) I noticed it was the same with one of your previous posts.

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