Election 2012: The Funny Names Presidential Ballot

It’s finally election day – the day when we find out which funny-named individual will serve as leader of the “Land of Opportunity” for the next Presidential election.

It also gives me another opportunity to talk about funny-named town Dixville Notch, New Hampshire which closes its voting booths before anywhere else in the country.

Dixville Notch scored the bout even, 5 votes for the challenger Romney to 5 votes for defending champion Obama

In the other early vote location in New Hampshire, Hart’s Landing, Obama received 23 votes, compared to 9 for Romney and 2 for Gary Johnson.

But with all the talk of voter fraud and long voting lines, Hurricane Sandy and computerized ballot counters, we decided it’s best to let you decide who you think should be the next President, based on the funniness of their names. This post is obviously 100% scientific and legally binding, so vote at your own risk! πŸ™‚

And the less distinguishedly-named slate of VP candidates – again, you’re voting based on the funniness of the person’s name:


As those polls should make clear, everyone has their picks on who will win the election. Here’s mine:

“Is there anything funny you can write about an election map? I don’t think so.” – Dave, age 26, 2012
“Michigan looks like the head of a creature burrowing into the great lakes.” – Dave, age 12, 1998

This gives Obama a 332-206 victory in the electoral college, which has to be the easiest college ever. They tell you two names to vote for, and all you have to do is get those two names right, or else you become the God-forsaken “faithless elector” (of which there was one in 2004, but most people think someone just made a simple mistake).

According to Nate Silver of FiveThirtyEight.com, Florida is the closest battleground state right now. It was leaning Republican for most of the election cycle, and just in the past day or two has moved into blue territory, with Silver giving Obama a 53% chance of winning, and Romney a 47% chance. Where did I hear Romney and 47% in the same sentence again? Beats me.

A coin flip is about as good as anyone’s guess in Florida, which is known for its beaches, old people, and occasionally-peculiar voting patterns. Without knowing anything about early voting, nor ever having been to Florida, I’m going to side with Nate Silver’s model, and give Obama the narrow edge.

Without getting all sentimental like I did on July 4th, I’ll just say that it’s great to be able to have democratic elections, as the list of countries with democratic elections coincides with the list of countries where you’re legally allowed to write a Blog of Funny Names. (Source: my best wild-ass guess)

So, with that said, and with Dixville Notch closing its polls at 12:01 EST, I’d like to wish all of our American readers a Happy Election Day, and usher in another era of fewer 8pm campaign calls and ridiculously dramatic political ads. Get out and vote, folks!

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About Dave

Based out of San Diego, California. Co-founder of the Blog of Funny Names. funnynamesblog.wordpress.com
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5 Responses to Election 2012: The Funny Names Presidential Ballot

  1. Bumba says:

    Criticicism of the Funny Names method: According to the funny names criteria, nearly all the candidates are very attractive! You have all these funny names and a sad collection of bums running for office. There is clearly something deeply wrong with our electoral system. However, the electoral college (which is something that has to be repealed ASAP) is a funny name for a school that has no classes, degrees, students or….. Come to think of it, it’s a pretty good name for a college.

  2. Liz says:

    Joseph Robinette Biden? Who knew? (Not I, but obviously you and probably more.) Thanks for the smiles:-)

  3. I’ll miss the funny names of politics 2012, but I guess there’s always a funny named someone doing something somewhere.

  4. marksackler says:

    Wow, did you ever nail it, Dave. Maybe you should ti be a pundit on one of those cable channels. Oh right, you already have a better job: writing this blog!! πŸ˜€

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