From Mr. Bastardo to Rev. Weldon Nisly, the Funniest Names We’ve Seen All Week

Well hey there, friends and strangers! Welcome to our recap of the funniest name-related happenings in the world of things that happened in the last week!

The famous Bastardo throw. And facial hair. Someone named Bastardo needs this exact facial hair.

The famous Bastardo throw. And facial hair. Someone named Bastardo needs this exact facial hair.

Lots of funny names in the world of sports this week, as our hard-working correspondent Mark Sackler has been keeping his eagle eyes on the news wires and spotted a number of amusing monikers. To start with, the Philadelphia Phillies signed left-handed relief pitcher Antonio Bastardo to a contract this week. That can only be considered an appropriate name, as I’m pretty sure Philly-based sports fans call all their hometown players by that very affectionate name to begin with.

Mark also spotted rising Belgian tennis star Kristen Flipkens in the news, as she heroically made it to the round of 16 at the Australian Tennis Open. Unfortunately, she was then drawn against world #2 Maria Sharapova, which unfortunately also meant we had to include the picture on the right to accompany this article, which is just a terrible, terrible fate for readers of this blog, and certainly for those of us forced to go through hundreds and hundreds of pages in the picture archives to retrieve one of Ms. Sharapova suitable for publication. Remember our sacrifice.

For someone who's a professional tennis player, it's surpsingly hard to find pictures of Ms. Sharapova actually playing tennis. Gentlemen, I encourage you to try.

For someone who’s a professional tennis player, it’s surpsingly hard to find pictures of Ms. Sharapova actually playing tennis. Gentlemen, I encourage you to try.

Elsewhere, the industrious Mr. Sackler has also uncovered Tag Ridings, the rather oddly named early leader at the prestigious sounding Farmers Insurance Golf Open. Come to think of it, insurance men and golfers do seem to together quite well. They each wear those funny pants, for instance.

In European sports news, those wacky soccerball kicking folks are at it again, with Dutch player Virgil van Dijk on the verge of a lucrative move to England, to play for the somewhat clumsily named Brighton & Hove Albion (lovely town, though). His agent Henk-Maarten Chin has been seeing those dollar signs we know from cartoons flashing all over his head and is enthusiastically selling the news to anyone who will listen. We will always listen to someone with that name, sometimes twice in one day for the much-coveted “double Chin”.

Ah, typical men. We say we’ll tell you what’s in the news and then spend 10 minutes talking about sports. But don’t despair, we have non-sports news too, I swear!

For instance, in Presidential swearing-in ceremony news, the initial choice to conduct the benediction prayer at the ceremony, Rev. Louie Giglio, was quickly withdrawn after his views opposing same-sex marriage drew criticism. See! Not sports related at all! This one was also spotted by the ever-vigilant Mark Sackler.

Virgil van Dijk and his piercing "how you doin'" look.

Virgil van Dijk and his piercing “how you doin'” look.

Personally, I was just reading a past issue of Yes! Magazine we had lying around the house and found this delightful article on the best parlor games for the holiday period. Hey, we never said we were topical. Research for the article was conducted by the terrifically named team of Laura Beans and Fabien Tepper. Keep it safe for next December and maybe I’ll tell you about the time Dave’s dad lost our game of spoons and had to go through the Spanking Machine.

Elsewhere in the same issue, I spotted the names of musician Zilphia Horton, Hawaiian community development expert Puanani Burgess, and to continue on our theme of funny named reverends, the great Rev. Weldon Nisly. Seriously, if you’re a fan of funny names (and pretty good constructive journalism), you oughta pick up an issue of the magazine. Full of goodness.

Well, that’s a pretty great arc for this week’s crop of Funny Names in the News, as we have come from Bastardo to Rev. Nisly. Can’t beat that – until next week’s FNITN of course! Have a great weekend, funny names fans!

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About Arto

Co-founder of the Funny Names Blog, Hawaiian shirt enthusiast, and holder of a funny name himself with too many vowels for any sensible person. Currently residing in San Diego, California, scouring through obscure documents on a hunt for more funny names. www.funnynamesblog.wordpress.com
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4 Responses to From Mr. Bastardo to Rev. Weldon Nisly, the Funniest Names We’ve Seen All Week

  1. amb says:

    Arto, you crack me up. Have I told you that lately?

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