Howdy doody, folks! Looks like it’s time for another edition of Funny Names in the News!

We…um… kick things off with the newly-born Bastian Kick Sisto, the son of Jeremy Sisto of the show Suburgatory, which I’ve never heard of. Well, given that I hadn’t heard of Mr. Sisto or his show, and being the “research”-happy Funny Names blogger that I am, I decided to do some research and found out that Jeremy Sisto was born in Grass Valley, California.

Before you judge me for choosing this weird picture, I urge YOU to try to Google pictures of Grass Valley, Oregon. It ain’t easy.

And of course, growing up in my family, “Grass Valley” could only conjure one thing in our minds… Grass Valley, Oregon. You see, one year, on a long road trip up to Canada, the fam was driving through rural Oregon (say that three times fast) and lo and behold, there ain’t nothin’ in rural Oregon. Finally, after driving past our fair share of Confederate flags and abandoned outposts, we ran into a gas station in a town called Grass Valley. There, the owner welcomed us, then prompted to show us the life-size skeleton he had in the corner, a box of bullets, a way to fold a dollar bill to resemble an owl and the Oregon state penitentiary, and how to measure someone’s age with a ruler.

I wish I was kidding. There was nothing to indicate that the owner wasn’t a genuinely nice guy who just wanted to have some fun (probably hard to come by out in those parts) and share some cool secrets, but after a long drive through rural Oregon, we ended up being a little spooked and got gas down the road in Biggs Junction, where I saw my first non-related female in three days and fell in love at first sight. Again, I wish I was kidding.

Oh yes… funny names in the news!

Courtesy of a pal’s post on my Facebook page, I bring you Satchidananda Panda of the nearby Salk Institute, whose research led to an author suggesting starving yourself a little bit each day. Popular science writing tends to be less than accurate, so I won’t wager whether Panda’s research actually showed that.

There is no acceptable caption for this Pussy Riot photo

The Washington Post reporting on the trials of the Russian feminist punk band Pussy Riot, brought to our attention that their member Nadezhda Tolonnikova painted a pretty harsh picture of the prison conditions in Russia. She said “I am not paying much attention to living conditions. I’m ascetic, and living conditions matter little for me.” Which sounds pretty baller indeed. Also baller… the fact that her bandmates include Yekaterina Samutsevic.

Here is an article from Mental Floss entitled What’s so Special About Cats’ Pajamas? If you’re wondering why we’re reporting this, it’s because Cat’s Pajamas is indeed a name. It’s a name for something so tubular, hairy and radical that it’s the cat’s pajamas. (In my mind, combining 20’s and 80’s slang is the cat’s pajamas.)

John Clarkson, former member of the 1882 Worcester Ruby Legs. Because mustache.

Finally, there’s nothing newsworthy like stories about sports teams from the early 1900’s, which brings us to this Cracked.com article about The 5 Most Insane Teams in the History of Sports. Cuddled within the delightful article is a the story of Walter Lingo, owner of Oorang Kennels, who wanted to promote his dog selling business by founding a team called the Oorang Indians. Hard to believe that trend didn’t catch on. Also enclosed within are stories of Greasy Neale and Walt Kiesling, who had to be co-managers of the combined Steelers and Eagles team during WWII, affectionately(?) known as the Steagles. Oh, and Rob (who to the uninitiated is totally smitten with ridiculous out-of-date or minor league sports team names) probably wants to give a huge thumbs up for their reference of the Worcester Worcesters, who may also have been known as the Ruby Legs.

Until next time, remember… Funny Names in the News is the cat’s pajamas!