New Funny Names Theory! The Ogden Nash Omission Prohibition

Hello to all the fine feathered folks out there on this lovely Thursday! That last sentence is wishful thinking because I’m drafting this post on Wednesday night.

Yesterday’s “Mel” Ott post has given us the statistically significant evidence necessary to create a brand new Funny Names Theory – the first new theory since Amb turned 100 (though she still looks 22 to me)!

But first, a moment of silence for Neuroscientist Ryan Gosling, who is my hero of all heroes:

If I can one day become half as handsome or half as neuroscientifically knowledgeable, I will have lived a worthy life.

If I can one day become half as handsome or half as neuroscientifically knowledgeable, I will have lived a worthy life.

… Back to our own scientific developments:

The Ogden Nash Omission Prohibition

If funny named poet Ogden Nash wrote a stanza about a funny named baseball personality who is featured in one of Rob’s posts, that stanza will be featured at the end of the post.

… and Rob “ott” to follow it up with a comment saying “You go, [so and so]!”, and if he fails in either of these particulars, it shall be declared a balk, and shall be followed by Rob’s beloved Padres finally winning the World Series (which we’ve always expected would signify the end of the world).

Case studies: “Mel” Ott, Tristram E Speaker, Cornelius McGillicuddy Sr., Denton True Young, Napoleon Lajoie

Ogden gave those players his "stamp" of approval.

Ogden gave those players his “stamp” of approval.

So there you have it! Proof that although Funny Names Theory may look static and unchanging for a while, it actually obeys patterns of punctuated equilibrium.  Now, how can I turn that in to a sexy “Science Gosling”-style pickup line?

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About Dave

Based out of San Diego, California. Co-founder of the Blog of Funny Names. funnynamesblog.wordpress.com
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20 Responses to New Funny Names Theory! The Ogden Nash Omission Prohibition

  1. dental eggs says:

    I’ll take Ryan Gosling in any way, shape or form.

  2. This is so funny! I always enjoy the pick-up lines Ryan offers, although he really doesn’t need to bother himself with speaking…we’re all good with silence.

  3. amb says:

    I have so much love for this post, I can’t even tell you. As an added bonus (not that there’s much to improve on with Ryan) in my head you saying “you go [so and so]” sounded like this. What a way to start my Thursday!

  4. Liz says:

    That was funny. Laugh out loud funny. Good job with the clever word play per usual. And Rob must now continue to live up to the High Standards he has set for himself and the punctuated equilibrium that is BoFN 🙂 Go Rob Go! 😉

    • Dave says:

      Thank you! I didn’t think I had any clever wordplay, but I wrote this in a bit of a hurry, and was in a slightly snarky mood, and usually good things happen when I write under that emotional state. This one was just begging to be written!

    • Rob says:

      Why thank you, Liz!

  5. Now that’s funny. I noticed the Ogden Nash Prohibition Omission yesterday because I couldn’t remember the Izzy S. postulate. Can’t wait to see what Rob does with it.

  6. Rob says:

    The Omission Prohibition will continue until I run out of ballplayers with funny names from Nash’s amazing poem! I think there are a few more left to write about. Although I’ll have to see about not doing so for one post to see if the whole Padres winning the Series thing comes true! Here is what Nash wrote about himself:

    I is for Me,
    Not a hard-hitting man,
    But an outstanding all-time
    Incurable fan.

    You go, Ogden Nash!

  7. Rob says:

    Btw, your line about “Rob’s beloved Padres finally winning the World Series (which we’ve always expected would signify the end of the world)” is so funny! Being a Padres fan is definitely a good way to learn to laugh at yourself (while simultaneously tearing your hair out) a little bit.

  8. Pingback: My Favourite Television Show You’ve Never Heard Of: Covert Affairs | words become superfluous

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