Julius Kruttschnitt Sr.

Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted?

Because he’s not a conductor!

Oh, good times with train jokes. Julius Kruttschnitt Sr. would’ve heard this one many times, being chairman of the Southern Pacific Railroad and all. For all we know he might well have invented it. Some accounts say he worked as much as 18 hours a day throughout his 48-year career at the company – who’s to say he didn’t spend an hour or two coming up with stupid train puns?

Why don’t elephants ride on railways?

Because they don’t want to leave their trunks in the luggage car.

Julius Kruttschnitt, possibly hiding a fugitive or two inside his jacket.

Julius Kruttschnitt, possibly hiding a fugitive or two inside his jacket.

There are a lot of really bad train jokes out there. Don’t read them, they’ll just make you sad. And when you’re sad, what better place to go than the Blog of Funny Names? We’re licensed therapists in our minds (though the state of California disagrees, so don’t actually come to us for therapy.)

What will make you happy is the name Julius Kruttschnitt Sr. Mr. Kruttschnitt was born in New Orleans in July 1854 and joined the railroad business after graduating in 1873. Eventually he married Wilhelmina Kock, the only person in the country at the time who could match the funniness of his name. They had at least one son, rightly called Julius Kruttschnitt Jr.

Kruttschnitt started at the bottom, measuring things for railway safety. Eventually he rose to the very top, like an egg in a bath tub, becoming the chairman of the Southern Pacific Railroad. He was famous for his work ethic and evidently well loved by employees. His son, Kruttschnitt Jr., was himself a major deal in the mining industry. The University of Queensland in Australia actually has a department named after him, the Julius Kruttschnitt Mineral Research Center, which almost – almost – has me wanting to pursue an advanced degree in looking really closely at

Julius Kruttschnitt, fiendishly trying to figure out what to name his son.

Julius Kruttschnitt, fiendishly working to figure out what to name his son.

rocks. But not quite enough.

Smith, you’re one of the worst drivers we have, how many trains have you derailed already?

– I don’t know boss, it’s hard to keep track.

The Blog of Funny Names salutes Julius Kruttschnitt and his considerable frame. Hopefully, his Big Book of Train-Related Jokes will emerge soon enough and we can finally find one or two half decent locomotive gags out there on the Googletubes.

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About Arto

Co-founder of the Funny Names Blog, Hawaiian shirt enthusiast, and holder of a funny name himself with too many vowels for any sensible person. Currently residing in San Diego, California, scouring through obscure documents on a hunt for more funny names. www.funnynamesblog.wordpress.com
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17 Responses to Julius Kruttschnitt Sr.

  1. Dave says:

    I love it! Well done with the train jokes!

  2. amb says:

    Thanks for making me laugh on a Monday morning! Arto, this is for you:

    Puns about monorails always make for decent one-liners.

  3. Bumba says:

    Excellent. Some good train jokes there which I must have missed in fourth grade.

    • Arto says:

      I hadn’t heard these either. Surprisingly many train jokes out there if you google hard enough. I did have to massage the phrasings in a few of them to keep them short, and to help them make sense.

  4. Liz says:

    Like a lot 🙂 Though would like to know why I was (again) kicked off the Follow list. Is the BoFN team trying to tell me something ? heehee. Great jokes and a great story. And I just got an email saying my HankyBooks were shipped–yeehaw!

  5. Probably wasn’t popular in school. No one likes a “schnitt.”

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