Funny March Madness Team Names and Old British Guys, Funny Names in the News 30

Howdy good people, welcome to another fun Friday edition of….

Funny Names in the News

(and a college basketball addendum)

Now, some have observed that some of my best writing comes when I’m snippy, snarky and exhausted, and so I have really high hopes for this one. Really high hopes. I’m tired after working all night. It’s 4 am. Finals are next week. I’ve been sick this week and is intermittently dissociating from himself and using third person. It’s gonna be a Funnnn…NITN!

Bernard Hopkins. 48, M. Hobbies include entering the ring dressed like an executioner, drinking fountain of youth juice, winning world titles, and doing pushups between rounds to embarrass his younger opponents.

Bernard Hopkins. 48, M. Hobbies include entering the ring dressed like an executioner, drinking fountain of youth juice, winning world titles, and doing pushups between rounds to embarrass his younger opponents.

In boxing news (in my mind, all news should be boxing news), 48-year-old Bernard Humphrey Hopkins beat 31-year-old Tavoris Cloud to become the oldest world champion in boxing history. Hopkins broke his own record from two years ago, when he beat Canadian Jean Pascal at age 46. Now we know who’s been hogging that fountain of youth juice!

Our favorite Finnish Contractual Notification of Obscure Musicians Correspondent, the lovely Arto (who “once” caressed Ted Danson’s cardboard chest) brings us news that Benastre Tarleton is among the musicians who didn’t know Amoeba Records was selling their music online. Benastre doesn’t need to feel too ashamed though: I didn’t know Amoeba was selling his music online either.

The blog’s fun-tastic “For Crying Out Loud Dave, You Even Have Me Noticing Boxing Stories Now. xo.” Correspondent amb! brings us some boxing news that’s shaking up the Twitterverse. Ugh, I can’t believe I just said Twitterverse.

Whoa, what if all news... *is* boxing news!

Whoa, what if all news… *is* boxing news!

I’ll leave it to amb:

Curtis Woodhouse, a British boxer fed up with anonymous abuse, tracks down his Twitter tormentor. – amb

I should add, the story of Mr. Woodhouse’s tracking tales is pretty radical! Tubular! Bodacious!

Our “Where the Heck Does He Find This Stuff… Oh, The New York Times…” Correspondent Arto brings us deeeelightful news of Northwestern psychologist Galen V. Bodenhausen, who thinks buying stuff leads to antisocial behavior. As Arto eloquently put it, “Don’t buy stuff, people!” What a guy! With that kind of eloquence, and my obvious verbal skillz, it’s amazeballs that we haven’t won the Pulitzer Prize for bloggy things already!

Our “I Was Considering A Political Career Until This Blog Post Was Published” Correspondent Dave brings us a doozy from the normally politically insightful Daily Beast about stars with unusual middle names. A bit of a deviation from their standard form, unless they’ve realized that funny names are the only thing Congress can agree on. Hop on over if you want to see such delightful meso-nominal (hey, I’m a prominent funny names theorist, I’m allowed to make new Latin-esque words) content as Elton Hercules John, Elizabeth Stamatina Fey (daughter of Zenobia “Jeanne” Fey, nee Xenakes… yes, I’ve been writing about funny names so long I can recite Tina Fey’s mom’s maiden name from memory at 4:30am) and Keifer William Frederick Dempsey George Rufus Sutherland.

Finally, M&M Correspondent Arto informs us that Maurice Micklewhite, aka Michael Caine, turned 80 on Thursday, wryly adding “Hooray for being old and British!” I couldn’a said it better myself!

So yeah, hooray for being old and British! This has been Funny Names in the News, volume 30!

And March Madness begins!

Sunday is “Selection Sunday” for the 2013 NCAA March Madness Division 1 College Basketball Tournament. Does anyone have any favorite March Madness player names they’d like to share? We’ve already covered Scientific and Majestic Mapp and Muffet McGraw and Kimberly Duane Mulkey, and we’d love to bring another post of funny March Madness names into the fold.

In addition, how about doing our own Funny Names March Madness Bracket, where we choose teams based only on the funniness of their names? 68 teams is a lot, but we can probably handle 16 or 32. Earlier this week, I chose a list of NCAA Division I Basketball team names that are at least mildly humorous, posted below for your pleasure. Sound off in the comments section about which names you’d like to see make the final cut (choose as many or as few as you’d like), and we’ll include polls of the madness as the tournament progresses.

Akron Zips
Albany Great Danes
AZ St. Sun Devils
Arkansas Razorbacks
AK St. Red Wolves
Austin Peay Governors
BU Terriers
Cal St Bakersfield Roadrunners
Cal St Northridge Matadors

Campbell Fighting Camels, which just so you know, is trademarked, in case anyone else tries to steal that awesome and geographically relevant name!

Campbell Fighting Camels, which just so you know, is trademarked, in case anyone else tries to steal that awesome and geographically relevant name!

Campbell Fighting Camels (and Lady Camels)
Central Arkansas Bears (and Sugar Bears for Women)
UCSB Gauchos
UC Irvine Anteaters
UC Davis Aggies
UCR Highlanders
CSUN Matadors
Central Michigan Chippewas
Coastal Carolina Chanticleers and Lady Chants
Cornell Big Red
Dartmouth Big Green
Dayton Flyers
Delaware Fightin’ Blue Hens
DePaul Blue Demons
Duquesne Dukes
Elon Phoenix
Fairfield Stags
Evansville Purple Aces
Florida State Seminoles
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets
Hawaii Rainbow Warriors and Rainbow Wahine
Idaho Vandals
Illinois St. Redbirds
Illinois Fighting Illini
IN St Sycamores
IN Hoosiers
IFPW Mastodons
Iona Gaels
Jacksonville State Gamecocks
Kansas Jayhawks
Kent St. Golden Flashes
La Salle Explorers
Lipscomb Bisons
Longwood Lancers
Louisiana-Lafayette Ragin’ Cajuns
Louisiana Tech Bulldogs and Lady Techsters
Loyola (IL) Ramblers
Loyola (MD) Greyhounds
Manhattan Jaspers
Marshall Thundering Herd
UMBC Retrievers
Maryland Terrapins
Massachusetts Minutemen and Minutewomen
McNeese St. Cowboys and Cowgirls
Miami Redhawks
UMKC Kangaroos
Mississippi Valley State Delta Devils and Devilettes
Minnesota Golden Gophers
Nebraska Cornhuskers
New Mexico Lobos
Niagara Purple Eagles
UNC Tar Heels
North Florida Ospreys and Lady Ospreys
North Dakota (no mascot)
Northern AZ Lumberjacks
N. KY Norse
Ohio St. Buckeyes
Oklahoma Sooners
Old Dominion Monarchs
Penn Quakers
Penn St. Nittany Lions
Oregon Ducks
Pepperdine Waves
Portland Pilots

I'm not sure if this is the Presbyterian Blue Hose's real logo, but the alternative was a blue hose. Like a watering hose.

I’m not sure if this is the Presbyterian Blue Hose’s real logo, but the alternative was a blue hose. Like a watering hose.

Presbyterian Blue Hose
Purdue Boilermakers
St. Bonaventure Bonnies
St. Louis Billikens
St. Mary’s Gaels
St. Peter’s Peacocks
Sam Houston St. Bearkats
San Diego Toreros
San Francisco Dons
SDSU Aztecs
South Carolina Gamecocks
South Dakota St Jackrabbits
Southern Illinois Salukis
Stetson Hatters
Stony Brook Seawolves
Syracuse Orange
Tennessee Volunteers
TCU Horned Frogs
UTPA Broncs
Chattanooga Mocs
Texas Longhorns
Tulane Green Wave
Tulsa Golden Hurricane
Navy Midshipmen
Utah Utes
Vanderbilt Commodores (after Cornelius Vanderbilt, the Commodore)
Vermont Catamounts (also Western Carolina Catamounts)
Virginia Military Institute Keydets
VA Tech Hokies
Wake Forest Demon Deacons
Western Illinois Leathernecks
WKU Hilltoppers
Wichita State Shockers

About Dave

Based out of San Diego, California. Co-founder of the Blog of Funny Names.
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18 Responses to Funny March Madness Team Names and Old British Guys, Funny Names in the News 30

  1. amb says:

    Of course I want you to be happy, healthy, and well-rested, but my goodness, you make me laugh when you’re not. Can I tell you how happy I am that you actually used the word “amazeballs” today?

    PS: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but stop leaving nice comments on my blog and go to sleep! What are you doing being awake and commenting before 6am? Who’s going to play the final Sitcom Smackdown with me if you’re sick?!?

  2. Liz says:

    I am hoping that you could sleep after all the energy you must have collected writing that funny and frenetic post. Sorry to hear you haven’t felt well–might have something to do with not taking care of yourself. ??? (You did compare me to your mom once–well, a mom, not necessarily your mom–and I have been Monica-d, so I feel I’m not out of line giving you this advice 😉 ) Take care of yourself, seriously, we need you around. There’s no Damber/Davember without Dave. heehee and happy Friday.

    • Dave says:

      I did get some sleep! I suppose I haven’t been taking care of myself too much lately, but at least I’ve taken some obligations off this week, so I’m doing better. I can be a bit of a vampire sometimes – pale skin, nocturnal, avoids sunlight, doesn’t eat garlic… just kidding about the last part… I LOVE garlic!

      Re: the mom comparison, it’s true, I did say that. The reason is that you look just like my neighbor’s mom (ok, technically just “my neighbor” then, but that’s not the way I thought back then) when I was growing up. In some small recess of my mind it’s still 1993. I’m very suggestible and easily confused 🙂

      Happy Friday to you too!

  3. Liz says:

    p.s. Is that a Bill-and-Ted shot of Mr. Reeves? Trying to place it…

    • Dave says:

      It is. From Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (which I probably haven’t seen in 18 or 20 years). Here are the details. It’s one of the funnier memes out there (which isn’t saying much because a lot of memes are kind of annoying… that is, until I launch my Outerbridge Horsey VII themed meme!) 😉

      • Liz says:

        holy cow–there is so much stuff out there that I know nothing about 0-: Thanks for enlightening me on the meme thing. Though Bill and Ted and their most Excellent Adventure is something I’m extremely well versed in having watched it thrice in the last month. It’s in my Top 10, probably because of the nostalgia factor more so than actual movie quality. Though it is does a good job of blending education and entertainment. (As well, I have an ooey gooey soft spot for all things ’80s which you can read about in my Sunday foodforfun post 😉 ) I will look forward to your Outerbridge Horsey VII themed meme launch. Sounds like a yeehaw if there ever was one.

        And please try to shift your perception of me from mom to sister as we have these Friends personas to keep up. Get your rest and take care of yourself bro 😉

        • Dave says:

          I agree. I already have 🙂 I just needed my Keanu “whoa” moment to realize it wasn’t 1993 and we’re closer to being siblings than anything 🙂

          • Liz says:

            My whoa moments are about it not being 1983 anymore. ??? Thinking this means we’re all perpetually stuck in our teenage minds. That seems about right!

  4. paralaxvu says:

    Which teams I want to win: Akron Zips, because I once worked for the Akron Beacon Journal and have fond memories of all things Akron. Well, maybe not ALL things. The city once towed my little Corvair because I had parked overly longish in a timed space in front of the newspaper building. Didn’t they know who I was? An ombudswoman, that’s who! Or should I say what? And the Campbell Fighting Camels (and Lady Camels). I love to watch camels and lady camels fighting. It’s so smokin’! Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (they only play in the rain, right?). And last, but not least, the South Carolina Gamecocks. Because I have a dirty mind. You’re welcome;-)

    • Dave says:

      Haha, love the comment. Those names will definitely be making it to the next round thanks to your support! I never realized you were an ombudswoman!? If I’m not mistaken, the funny named Elmo Zumwalt was once an ombudsman as well. Gamecocks is a classic. Glad to see it making the next round!

      • paralaxvu says:

        Elmo was a much more needed ombudsman than I, as I simply answered questions and solved rather inconsequential problems (good thing my editor is dead–he would not have liked that anything he did was inconsequential), whereas Zumwalt helped to found the National Marrow Donor Program. And I lied–I was really an ombudsman, since my work was done in the late ’60s before women took over the language.

    • amb says:

      I wish there was a “like” option for comments on WordPress. You always crack me up paralaxvu! (Yellow Jackets only play in the rain … I see what you did there … and don’t even get me started on the Gamecocks).

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