Call The Magistrates and Constables! It’s funny Names in the News, Volume 34

What’s crack-a-lackin’ folks?!

It’s great to be back here with another culturally significant Funny Names in the News column. Tons o’ material (even more than usual) so we better get movin’!

The Way To Dave’s Heart is Through Deceased Paleontologist References… No, Seriously… Correspondent amb brings us the delightfully AMAZING news that Steve Carell and James Gandolfini will be starring in a new film called Bone Wars. Yes, that Bone Wars… between Edward Drinker Cope and Othniel Charles Marsh, which happens to be the topic of one of my favorite all-time posts on this blog.

Would a Tape Recorder by any other name be as sweet?

Would a Tape Recorder by any other name be as sweet?

The not-so-funny-named Jim Carrey recently made headlines for his portrayal of fictional band Lonesome Earl and the Clutterbusters (perhaps Cal Clutterbucks mustache-clad relative?) in a spoof of Charlton Heston, and was attacked incessantly by Fox News. He then wrote a humorous, scathing response to “Fux News” (as he calls them), and made some Huffington Post headlines for that.

In the “People Who are Worth Their (Admittedly Diminutive) Weight In Gold” category, I feel honored to mention Parker Posey‘s delightful, quirky, and incredible performance as character Liz, who also goes by the name Tape Recorder (…perhaps our Liz could adopt a similar nickname? I’m willing to drop the “B_____ie” requirement for a name like Tape Recorder) last season on HBO’s Louie. Parker Posey is everything Zooey Deschanel aspires to be on New Girl, but with a trademark effortlessness only Parker Posey can pull off.

Oh, and speaking of Louie (Amb, I’m trying to build up to the climax where I make a Community reference by first making a bunch of references to other shows you enjoy), a shrewd observer (me) noticed in one of the Parker Posey episodes that the show features fictional newscasters Fanny Chapcranter and Flappy Howserton. Gotta love a show that respects funny names, and I think we should try to recruit Fanny and Flappy to help deliver our Funny Names in the News in addition to their usual fare.

Because something this good needs to be seen up close.

Because something this good needs to be seen up close.

"I include the middle initial P. to sound even more distinguished." - Salmon P. Chase

“I include the middle initial P. to sound even more distinguished.” – Salmon P. Chase

I’ve Forgotten More Funny Names Info Than You’ve Ever Learned correspondent Dave (who also likes referring to himself in third person) brings news that BoFN favorite Salmon P. Chase is on the $10,000 bill, and was shocked he never realized this earlier since he regularly carries them in his wallet. However, I’m a Funny Names Elephant – Probably Named Mister Flopsy – So I Never Forget Anything! correspondent Arto was quick to observe we’d already mentioned that point in the original piece on Mr. P. Chase. (It’s amazing what that the middle initial P. does for a name).

On a sadder note, in obituary news, we lovingly remember our dear culture vulture amb, who reported that her head exploded with happiness after hearing that Molly Ringwald has released a jazz album, and covers “Don’t You forget About Me” on the album. Pretty fancy!

It’s unfortunate that Amb had to go so soon, because she would have really appreciated this next piece of news: funny named production studio Kornhaber Brown has produced a PBS Idea Channel video featuring a fast-talking bearded man who calls Community TV’s first great postmodern masterpiece. In case you don’t know, amb and I tend to call it awesome (don’t believe us? Get a sandwich, Google “funnynamesblog.com Community” and enjoy your afternoon), but I think that means the same as postmodern? Right?

So what could outdo all this awesome news??

Finally…

the denouement…

Food crime correspondent Arto (seriously, this isn’t the first time) brings us news that Franklin Jane Bugmy is in trouble after assaulting police officer James Wheatley… with a quiche! A quiche! (Liz, don’t get any ideas). Apparently Constable Wheatley and Magistrate Dunlevy were unimpressed, but they’d probably be a lot happier if you read this remarkable article.

Because this honestly showed up in the Google hits for "quiche attack", and also because mustache.

Because this honestly showed up in the Google hits for “quiche attack”, and also because mustache.

That’s it for now… more funny names than you can shake a stick at. Meanwhile, here in San Diego it’s so foggy even the birds are walking! Until next time, doot doota loot doo…

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About Dave

Based out of San Diego, California. Co-founder of the Blog of Funny Names. funnynamesblog.wordpress.com
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8 Responses to Call The Magistrates and Constables! It’s funny Names in the News, Volume 34

  1. Liz says:

    From your crack-a-lackin’ begininng to the doot doota loot doo finish, that was simply inspired, Dave 🙂 Awesome news, all of it. I love Parker Posey, so while Tape Recorder doesn’t seem appropriate, maybe something with a P? Parker? Posey?

    LOVE the Bone Wars news. That is so awesome and a testament to your ability to sniff out the good stuff. You had a Hollywood-worthy scoop!

    You will be relieved to know that amb is just fine and her head did not really explode. No need to play taps. Have been visiting with her much as of late on a work-related project 😉 Oh the funniness that your BoFN has brought about. Hope you have a crack-a-lackin’ weekend. Am sending you a hug and a quiche (of the sibling variety since my husband keeps me on a tight leash–lol). Until next time…

  2. amb says:

    Oh for crying out loud. You know I’m not getting any work done today now, right?

    Dave!! I love you SO MUCH right now I don’t even know where to begin. Multiple Community references! New FNITN mascots Fanny and Flappy!! You using the word “denouement”!!!

    That quiche attack story was gold. We really need to find a way for Arto to make his Food Crime Investigations into a full time gig. And we really need to just get married, already. xo.

  3. Great job this week. I feel the swooning coming off the screen right now. And as far as the news correspondents how could anyone not love Fanny and Flappy.

  4. Arto says:

    Bone wars movie! Damn, l was gonna do that. Damn those folks who actually do things that are a good idea to do.

    Flappy Howserton, now that’s the kind of old fashioned newsman’s name you feel you can put your trust in, haha. Good spot!

  5. Pingback: Chi McBride | The Blog of Funny Names

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