What should we call Arto?

So Arto decided to head out to Atlanta, Georgia to do supposedly important “real world” things last week without inviting any of his Blog of Funny Names coauthors or leaving us with any of his delightful material.That’s why there was no Funny Names in The News on Friday, which made Amber cry a single digital tear.

So here’s a little contest (and our first post since Wednesday):

What’s the best silly-sounding insult you’ve heard or come up with? The winner(s) will receive the grand prize: I will personally refer to Arto by the chosen name the next time I see him (which should be either Tuesday or Friday of this week), and also has their brilliance broadcast to everyone who reads this blog!

The only rule: keep it Kosher folks! I prefer to keep my diction out of the gutter, and every now and then, my mother reads this blog, so no X-rated or offensive names. Just silly stuff like Dillweed or Bumpus or Outerbridge or Puddnhead or Jerusalem Artichoke or Biscuit Pants (yes, I created that redirect page myself five years ago, thanks for asking).

And honestly, our favorite Finn is getting off comparatively easy this time!

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About Dave

Based out of San Diego, California. Co-founder of the Blog of Funny Names. funnynamesblog.wordpress.com
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29 Responses to What should we call Arto?

  1. marksackler says:

    The best silly insult– ever–can be found in a classic scene from “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.” They aren’t names, per se, but as silly sounding insults they can’t be beat. Most of you know of what I speak: the Frenchman atop the island castle. From that timeless scene, I select–slightly paraphrased–the best possible response to the above. “We fart in your general direction.”

  2. marksackler says:

    Oh wait. I forgot your missive about keeping it clean. Please adjust the above insult to say “We eat a Kosher salami and THEN fart in your general direction.”

    • Dave says:

      Haha, I love this! To me, that seems like a connection only someone from the northeast would come up with. I’ll definitely use that one. πŸ™‚

  3. amb says:

    I seem to remember suggesting we refer to Arto as “Sweet Licks” a while back – http://wp.me/p2myYW-iZ For some reason that nickname never took off, though. Can’t imagine why!

    • Dave says:

      Wow, that totally slipped my mind πŸ™‚ That seems like one I should holler at him during the middle of basketball! πŸ™‚

      • amb says:

        That was back in the early days, when you didn’t realize what you were in for with me, yet. Poor guy. And yes, that nickname is definitely best when hollered at full volume during a sporting event!

  4. Liz says:

    Being from Minnesota, I never insult folks, so can’t help you here πŸ˜‰ lol–of course I can so will think on this. You are clever and a bit of a schemer, Dave, having readers do your dirty (but fun) work for you. I’m a huge fan of Arto’s Hanky Books, so maybe there’s something along that line. Though don’t want to drag Leslie into this as she seems like a nice lady. Will pay better attention to the names my daughters call each other and maybe come up with something for you? Good luck with your search and yes, please don’t do this to amb again. She’s so darned sweet and kind and doesn’t deserve to have her favorite toys taken away.

    • amb says:

      Lol!! Liz, you make me so happy πŸ™‚

    • Dave says:

      Haha, you really are a Minnesotan! I ask you for a silly insult for Arto, and instead you call me clever, Leslie nice, and Amb “so darned sweet and kind.” Amb’s darned sweetness and kindness is why I wanted to find something to call Arto in the first place – we can’t let him do this to her again! πŸ™‚

      As for having readers do my dirty (but fun) work for me… fair point. I’ve had so many peculiar nicknames for Arto (“the white guy” is one of my favorites during basketball, since he’s one of about 7 that plays with us, but I keep him around because he’s arguably whiter than me (which never happens without him around)), but want to expand my arsenal. In the past I’ve proposed “Biscuit Puddinchops” https://funnynamesblog.com/about/ (*AMB!… how do I put a link into a comment that fancy way that you did?), and he has proposed “Jellybean”, but I want something really soul-crushing involving Kosher Salami or Sweet Licks πŸ™‚ Luckily our crew delivered πŸ™‚

      • amb says:

        You mean the little pocket-sized link? Open the post you want to link to in your dashboard like you’re going to edit it, click the “Get Shortlink” button under the title, and copy. xo.

        • Arto says:

          For the record, I’d like to note that several scientific cross-comparisons have found that Dave is, in fact, whiter than I am, which is to say he is whiter than a blond Finn who digs Willie Nelson and cornbread, which is to say he is the whitest man west of the Mississippi. Just for the record. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

      • Liz says:

        lol, Dave. You put a lot into that comment! Can’t help this Minnesotan thing–it’s just who I am πŸ˜‰ In that vein, note that I hold Arto in the highest regards, so offer this up as a contest entry, not a personal sentiment. He’s a pony cake crusher – http://wp.me/p2dvv9-Q9. Thanks for the link trick, amb πŸ˜‰ Sweet Licks goes well with this one, y’think?

        • amb says:

          Yes times a million. SWEET LICKS PONY CAKE CRUSHER FOR THE WIN!!!!

        • Dave says:

          I’ll make sure to let Arto know that he’s a pony cake crusher, and also that you’re a far better, kinder friend to him than I am (he probably knows that already though πŸ˜‰ )

          • amb says:

            Didn’t he give you a jar of mayonnaise for your birthday one year? Dude has it coming πŸ˜‰

          • Liz says:

            heehee. I gotta like Arto–he sent me a handwritten postcard with my Hanky Book order πŸ™‚ About the sweet licks pony crusher thing–you’ll only get the full measure of how insulting of an insult this is if you read the post and see the cake picture. Nothing says “you’ve been bad” like ruining a little girl’s birthday party πŸ˜‰ Thanks for the smiles today. Hope all goes well in your world.

          • Dave says:

            Oh goodness… I remember that one! That was quite the cake! Yikes! I’ll definitely let him know that he’s a pony cake crusher! I hope it cuts him to the core πŸ™‚

        • Arto says:

          I’ve crushed a pony cake or two in my time so I will wear this name as a badge of honor. I expect to receive a pin so I can proudly wear this name literally.

          • Dave says:

            Ruthless pony cake crusher! πŸ™‚

          • Dave says:

            Alright, now let me focus on prepping for my tutoring session. πŸ™‚

            P.S. Any interest in helping develop an MCAT verbal training program for either $ or a share of profits? Not sure if it’ll be a go, but the idea came up recently. (I’ll check for your response later, gotta go right now)

  5. Wow, I see I missed a whole lot today.

    Out of fondness for Arto and his introduction of Flin Flon, Dave may I added, in light of Mark’s comment, “Look at my shawarma!”. Or some such variation. You may remember that comment in reference to poutine. Just some food for thought… πŸ™‚

  6. Pingback: Dansby Swanson picked first in the 2015 MLB Draft | The Blog of Funny Names

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