Michael Douglas’s Ass Is Not Exposed in This Funny Names in the News Recap

amb: Hi everyone! Man, this place looks good on Fridays!! I could get used to this!!! Oh, Arto, there you are! Come on in.

*amb starts dancing around to “What I Like About You”*

Arto: Oh hey there! This is … ok, well, this is going to be … uhh … great. I’m just really happy to be doing our “busy” friend Dave a favor by taking over his Friday FNITN duties. Although I didn’t realize there would be dancing. I probably should have checked with Liz before committing to this.  

amb: Oh come on Arto, don’t you think it’s about time that you and I bonded? It’ll be fun! Besides, just because I had submitted a three paragraph news item this week comparing Dave to the 1980s matinee idol deliciousness that is Michael Douglas doesn’t mean this is going to be awkward, or anything …

Arto : No, of course not. Awkward? What could possibly be awkward about legendary 80’s on-film-butt-revealer Michael Douglas? *cough* Um, back to you Amb!

What could possibly be awkward about this?

What could possibly be awkward about this?

amb: And with that, let’s kick things off with the news that the recently aired HBO movie about Wladzio Valentine Liberace is getting rave reviews. I had no idea that Liberace’s full name was as elaborate as his stage costumes! I’ll be checking this one out for sure, and not just because it stars Matt Damon and Michael Douglas*

* The “news item” that followed has been redacted, mostly to keep from embarrassing Dave and to keep amb focused on funny names for the next five minutes.

See, Arto? You’ve got nothing to worry about!

Arto: Oh, sure. Nothing except the fleeting nature of existence, potential killer bee attacks, and the mystery of whatever keeps happening to my unmatched socks, that is.

amb: …

Arto: Let’s move on, yes. To sports! Ooh, sports is a good topic, isn’t it? The Dallas Stars in the NHL are looking for a new head coach, as I’m sure you know, Amb. They’re talking to candidates like Lindy Ruff and Willie Desjardins, proving their head of recruiting is clearly a fan of this blog. Amb … ? Amb? Wake up, Amb!

Hmm. Maybe being sporty isn't so bad.

Hmm. Maybe being sporty isn’t so bad.

amb: I’m sorry, did you say something? I was dreaming that I was Kathleen Turner and Dave was Michael Douglas and … Arto,

listen, I know this is supposed to bring us closer together, but there aren’t any Canadian teams in the playoffs and you’re losing me with this NHL talk. If Liz were here she would have brought snacks. I’m just saying.

Maybe it’s time we bring in some reinforcements. I’d like to introduce our readers to artist Hollis Plample, whose hand-drawn comics are just as amazing as her name. Here’s a favourite of mine (and I’m not just saying that because it has “Superfluous” in the title! Not totally, anyway).

Arto: Hey, I can totally get down with the cool kidz and roll with the peeps and stuff, Amb – I’m not just about sports and politics and cool new TV shows like Matlock or the Price is Right. In fact, I’ve been spending this whole week doing “Prancercise”, invented by Joanna Rohrback. Now that’s something everyone can enjoy!

amb: Oh for crying out loud. Being a guest blogger here was supposed to up my cool factor, you know. How am I supposed to recover from that? It’s a good thing that I have showbiz sources who keep me in the loop. That reminds me, guys, you heard it here first: Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross and the not-as-funny-named Alan Moulder have recorded a brand new Nine Inch Nails album! And, being the super cool rock and roll dudes that they are, they did it all in secret. They also, ahem, speak in rock and roll, so you might not want to click on this link if you’ve got little ones around.

Arto : Speaking of rock and roll, I heard there’s a big spelling bee going on this week! Among the contestants commenting on events this year are legendary, um, spellers like Nupur Lala and Vismaya Kharkar (spell that, eh?). Don’t you just love spelling bees? Amb … ? Amb? Wake up, Amb!

amb : I’m sorry, did you say something? I was dreaming that you were Trent Reznor and I was Carly Rae Jepsen and … have you heard the mash up of their two greatest hits? Arto, listen, I know this was supposed to bring us closer together, and you know what, I really do love spelling bees, so I was wondering …  I don’t suppose you’d feel like dancing, would you?

Arto : Well, since it’s Friday I suppose I could. I’ll just pretend I’m Michael Douglas for a minute and go for it.

Happy Friday, everybody!

Happy Friday, everybody!


About Arto

Co-founder of the Funny Names Blog, Hawaiian shirt enthusiast, and holder of a funny name himself with too many vowels for any sensible person. Currently residing in San Diego, California, scouring through obscure documents on a hunt for more funny names. www.funnynamesblog.wordpress.com
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22 Responses to Michael Douglas’s Ass Is Not Exposed in This Funny Names in the News Recap

  1. There are really no words to describe Prancercise. It was sort of like an accident on the highway…..you just have to look no matter how disturbing it may be. Hilarious!

  2. Liz says:

    Hilarious guys–loved your back-and-forth 🙂 That prancersice video WAS fascinating–like LWtTD said, can’t stop looking. Ms Rohrback is fit-and-trim (also amazingly well made up and bejewled), so it works for her. And she’s a bit of a bad-ass herself (picking up on this butt-theme you have going on) as she put her ankle weights on her wrists. What a rebel.

    Sorry you didn’t get treats, amb. But at least you got a few naps in. And Arto, tell me it wasn’t invigorating to be in the same (virtual) room with amb. You both are one-of-a-kind 🙂 Thanks for sharing your patter–great way to start the weekend.

    • amb says:

      Oh, Liz, you’re so generous! I don’t know if “invigorating” is the word Arto would use. The poor guy. He just wanted to go hang out with his wife and cats, and I kept being like, “Wait!! I need to add more pictures of Michael Douglas!!”

      And I agree with you about Ms. R – not very many people could get away with those pants 😉

      • Arto says:

        Yep, there’s nothing quite like it.

        I really did enjoy our little invigoration session. Although, I don’t just watch Matlock, I probably go to bed earlier than he does 😉 but really, it’s never a bad time for two adult people to discuss Michael Douglas’ buttocks, is it?

  3. kerbey says:

    I am scarred (as opposed to scared) by this person who does not resemble a real human woman. Flailing inner horse aside, I am distracted by what appears to be Joel Grey in a wig with a First Lady top and camel toe white pants. And like Liz said–gold jewelry. But I give you that her name is odd; perhaps she is related to a Rhodesian Ridgeback, and that is where the athleticism plays in. Now I have to see about that new NIN album.

  4. Liz says:

    Thought you were looking a bit more buff, Arto, so glad to see that Prancercise is paying off. (haha–I don’t know what you look like, so this comment means nothing) Did you find that clip? Pure brilliance.

    Did you enjoy hanging with amb? Yes, I could’ve told you there would be dancing and I would have also recommended you bring snacks. Rumor has it that you make a mean batch of oatmeal cookies.

    Said it above, too, but loved all the zings and pings in your coverage of FNitN. And of course you “get down with the cool kidz and roll with the peeps and stuff,” Arto. No one would disagree.

    • Arto says:

      Thanks Liz, I knew I was cool like the New Kids on the Block. They’re still popular right?

      I did not find that clip, I can only assume it was Dave as he’s doing all sorts of exercises these days.

      I would’ve brought snacks but I was too greedy and ate them all myself before getting there – sorry Amb! But yes, those oatmeal cookies sure were pretty mean. By which I mean they tasted good. Haha.

      • Dave says:

        Haha, I did find it… actually on another WordPress blog. It’s been taking the internet by storm lately, and has gone viral in the past 48 hours. If you look at the Youtube video’s stats, it was a flat line for several months then went completely vertical in the last two days. Ms. Rohrback barely knew what hit her!

  5. Thank you for the laugh today!

    • Liz says:

      Fannie!!!! How goes the vacay?

      • What a trip. Rain, snow, wind, bears, elk and deer, mountain goats and mountain sheep. Loved every minute of it.

        Now I want to go back for the Heavenly Outhouse Races in September. . .Cochran, Alberta.

        • Dave says:

          Wait… Cochrane… did you know that Mailman is from Cochrane?!?

          • Mailman says:

            Nothing like a mention of my darling hometown to lure me out from the abyss of Corporate America – I AM from Cochrane and it is a magical little place. I’m so glad you got to go! and the outhouse races are quite a sight to see 🙂

          • No way! I don’t know if Mailman has been back recently, but the town is bursting at the seams. They are throwing up buildings faster than you can say Rumpelstiltskin. . .

            I really liked the cowboy statue we saw coming into the west side town. It really captures the flavor of the area.

  6. Pingback: My Life as a Movie Monday: The American President | words become superfluous

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