amb: Hi everyone! Man, this place looks good on Fridays!! I could get used to this!!! Oh, Arto, there you are! Come on in.
*amb starts dancing around to “What I Like About You”*
Arto: Oh hey there! This is … ok, well, this is going to be … uhh … great. I’m just really happy to be doing our “busy” friend Dave a favor by taking over his Friday FNITN duties. Although I didn’t realize there would be dancing. I probably should have checked with Liz before committing to this.
amb: Oh come on Arto, don’t you think it’s about time that you and I bonded? It’ll be fun! Besides, just because I had submitted a three paragraph news item this week comparing Dave to the 1980s matinee idol deliciousness that is Michael Douglas doesn’t mean this is going to be awkward, or anything …
Arto : No, of course not. Awkward? What could possibly be awkward about legendary 80’s on-film-butt-revealer Michael Douglas? *cough* Um, back to you Amb!
amb: And with that, let’s kick things off with the news that the recently aired HBO movie about Wladzio Valentine Liberace is getting rave reviews. I had no idea that Liberace’s full name was as elaborate as his stage costumes! I’ll be checking this one out for sure, and not just because it stars Matt Damon and Michael Douglas*
* The “news item” that followed has been redacted, mostly to keep from embarrassing Dave and to keep amb focused on funny names for the next five minutes.
See, Arto? You’ve got nothing to worry about!
Arto: Oh, sure. Nothing except the fleeting nature of existence, potential killer bee attacks, and the mystery of whatever keeps happening to my unmatched socks, that is.
Arto: Let’s move on, yes. To sports! Ooh, sports is a good topic, isn’t it? The Dallas Stars in the NHL are looking for a new head coach, as I’m sure you know, Amb. They’re talking to candidates like Lindy Ruff and Willie Desjardins, proving their head of recruiting is clearly a fan of this blog. Amb … ? Amb? Wake up, Amb!
amb: I’m sorry, did you say something? I was dreaming that I was Kathleen Turner and Dave was Michael Douglas and … Arto,
listen, I know this is supposed to bring us closer together, but there aren’t any Canadian teams in the playoffs and you’re losing me with this NHL talk. If Liz were here she would have brought snacks. I’m just saying.
Maybe it’s time we bring in some reinforcements. I’d like to introduce our readers to artist Hollis Plample, whose hand-drawn comics are just as amazing as her name. Here’s a favourite of mine (and I’m not just saying that because it has “Superfluous” in the title! Not totally, anyway).
Arto: Hey, I can totally get down with the cool kidz and roll with the peeps and stuff, Amb – I’m not just about sports and politics and cool new TV shows like Matlock or the Price is Right. In fact, I’ve been spending this whole week doing “Prancercise”, invented by Joanna Rohrback. Now that’s something everyone can enjoy!
amb: Oh for crying out loud. Being a guest blogger here was supposed to up my cool factor, you know. How am I supposed to recover from that? It’s a good thing that I have showbiz sources who keep me in the loop. That reminds me, guys, you heard it here first: Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross and the not-as-funny-named Alan Moulder have recorded a brand new Nine Inch Nails album! And, being the super cool rock and roll dudes that they are, they did it all in secret. They also, ahem, speak in rock and roll, so you might not want to click on this link if you’ve got little ones around.
Arto : Speaking of rock and roll, I heard there’s a big spelling bee going on this week! Among the contestants commenting on events this year are legendary, um, spellers like Nupur Lala and Vismaya Kharkar (spell that, eh?). Don’t you just love spelling bees? Amb … ? Amb? Wake up, Amb!
amb : I’m sorry, did you say something? I was dreaming that you were Trent Reznor and I was Carly Rae Jepsen and … have you heard the mash up of their two greatest hits? Arto, listen, I know this was supposed to bring us closer together, and you know what, I really do love spelling bees, so I was wondering … I don’t suppose you’d feel like dancing, would you?
Arto : Well, since it’s Friday I suppose I could. I’ll just pretend I’m Michael Douglas for a minute and go for it.