There are some fine people who have owned and founded professional sports teams. We know this because of the many amazing, amusing, thrilling, and just plain ridiculous names they have given to their teams. This is no less true of hockey teams. The people who give birth to teams playing Canada’s national game seem to have an affinity for silliness and delight almost as good as their American baseball counterparts.
What is that, a stork with a toothbrush? Come on, logo guy.
With no further introduction surely necessary, let’s just get to the point. I’ve “helpfully” divided all my favorite team names below into various categories to help you savor the recurring themes throughout.
The Ones with Odd Puns Department
- Macon Whoopee
- Florida Everblades
- Mobile Mysticks
The Macon Whoopee was a name they thought was so good, they used it twice. It was first a Macon, Georgia based team in the 70’s before going under and being resurrected there in 1996. Unfortunately, the name didn’t help them and they went out of business again five years later.
The Ones that Make You Go : “What in the World?!?”
- Omaha Ak-Sar-Ben Knights
- Toronto Neil McNeil Maroons
- Minot Minotauros aka Minot Top Guns, aka Beardy’s Rage
The official team mascot of Dawson Creek Rage.
The Minot Minotauros play junior hockey out of Minot, ND. The town previously enjoyed the Minot Top Guns, who fortunately left town to become a team known as Beardy’s Rage for one year before folding. Gladly the Minotauros came to town to make up for it.
As for the Ak-Sar-Ben Knights, this one always leaves me a bit out of breath. Ak-Sar-Ben, of course, is Nebraska spelled backwards, with some hyphens thrown in for added mystery. The Omaha, NE based team therefore has probably both the dumbest and most impressive sounding name in all of hockey all at once. I also owe great respect to the repetitive glory of the Toronto Neil McNeil Maroons. Besides, any team named Maroons is already in credit.
The Just Plain Fun Ones
- Flin Flon Bombers
- Kalamazoo Wings
- Stratford Midgets
- Muskagon Lumberjacks
- Port Colborne Recreationists
- Billings Bighorns
- Dawson Creek Rage
We’ve already covered other parts of both Flin Flon and Kalamazoo here, and the fact is those are delightful towns, at least in name. The Port Colborne Recreationists gets a special award for a particularly awkward sounding team name, bringing to mind old people camping. As for the Muskagon Lumberjacks, well, it is a Canadian sport, there had to be at least one team named Lumberjacks.
The One With Slightly Too Forward Sponsorship
- Detroit Compuware Ambassadors
Buy Compuware!
The Ones with Creatures that May Or May Not Exist, Many of Them on Ice
- Rockford IceHogs
- Evansville IceMen
- Louisiana Ice Gators
- Victoria Salmon Kings
- Odessa Jackalopes
- Baltimore Skipjacks
- Brandon Wheat Kings
- Orlando Solar Bears
- Lexington Men O’ War
The pretty relaxed Orlando Solar Bears mascot. In other news, I’m told the team play in “Solar purple, seafoam green, sunset orange, sunrise gold, and white”.
Hockey team owners love to call their teams Ice-somethings, perhaps in case people get confused about what the surface they play on is called. Other just make stuff up since perfectly normal names just won’t do. Special mention in this category goes to the Baltimore Skipjacks, because it just reminds me of pancakes. And pancakes are a pretty scary opponent.
The Ones Trying Too Hard to Be the Cool Kidz
- Greenville Grrrowl
- Fayetteville FireAntz
Everyone knows the kidz like to put a “z” where there should be an “s”. The cool onez at least. And if you’re going to growl, might as well go all out with the rrr’s.
Special Commendation for the City of Hamilton, ON
- Hamilton Whizzers
- Hamilton Fincups
- Hamilton Szabos
For inpenetrable but cool sounding team names, go to Hamilton, they have plenty. And bring me back a szabo while you’re there, they sound delicious.
That’s all I have for the funniest hockey team names in my memory. Did I forget your favorite? Let me know in the comments below or send it over telepathically and I’ll stick it in there.
these are hilarious. for some reason, i thought the ass backwards nebraska one, was actually a japanese anime name of some sort. wow.
Haha, yeah that one takes a moment to sink in but it’s pretty glorious.
Arto!! A Flin Flon shout out and a picture of James Van Der Beek; you spoil me. In other news, your photo captions crack me up.
I knew you’d like the Van Der Beek action! I was half asleep when I wrote this and totally spoilt for choice with all the weird logos so the captions wrote themselves…sort of.
I love it. He looks all rage-y in the picture, too, which adds a whole other level of perfection 🙂
I also figured good ol’ Dawson would distract you from the 12 typos I just fixed so maybe it was a good idea 😉
I also named the categories in a sort of Friends-referential manner which I hope was not lost on you…
Oh, it wasn’t! 🙂 I was going to comment on that, too, but thought I’d pace myself so you wouldn’t think I’m the type of person who would rather comment on comedy blogs than do her actual job.
(Clearly, I’m the type of person who would rather comment on comedy blogs than do her actual job. I think I need a new job).
Are they hiring at the Comedy Blog Comment Forum? I’d ask around, I hear they pay very well.
Not.
See, it’s a comedy blog! We make not-jokes and stuff!
Not.
I’ll stop now.
Shoot. I also meant to throw in a breakfast-food-themed endearment for you. Sorry, muffin.
All good, Pancake….is that how it works? I don’t know, I think I’ll just call you Amb. Ambcake.
I love half-asleep posts. You Gylfi’d it!
I started reading this post wondering what the puck you guys were up to, but I get it now.
LOL! Well played, sir.
Haha, indeed, a game-winning pun there.
Well played. You even earned a “tea out my nose” moment with the, “bringing to mind old people camping”.
Woohoo! This means more to me than you realize. I just wish I’d done it instead of that darned Finn! 🙂
LOL.
Haha, glad to hear it. Hope the nose/keyboard/tea is fine!
Unfortunately, practice makes perfect. Clean-up is now a snap. 😉
Hamilton Szabos is a real corker of a name! I wonder what it means…
No idea – brief google gives no answers. It’s a very common Hungarian name so maybe the founder modestly named it after himself. Kinda like the Penticton Daves team of yore.
They couldn’t pay me to put my name on that team. Ok, maybe they could, but it would be a lot of $$. However, “DC Stadium” is a different type of situation…
first day with my kids home full-time and look what I’ve missed 😮 Though looks like I can hold my head high at BoFN today as Minnesota Wild did not make the cut. Excellent research, Arto. Love that they’re categorized. Perhaps you can add some charts and (pie!) graphs next time–haha.
Haha, pie (charts) makes everything better, doesn’t it.
The Wild was a strong candidate, being a kind of abstract descriptor that is sort of a non-traditional moniker for a sports team but as you can see they had a whole lot of competition!
Living in Chicago (go Hawks!) I was happy to see you’ve included the Rockford IceHogs. That is just a downright insulting name: If I had to say, “I was traded back to the IceHogs,” I’d rather just quit.
Haha, true, IceHogs don’t sound too appetizing at all.