Funny Named Ballplayers on Film OR: What Happens When Amb Tries to Talk About Sports

Well good morning, sports fans! It’s Wednesday, which means that it must be time for another post about funny names in baseball.

For those of you who were looking forward to hanging out with Rob this morning, I’m sorry to say that you’re stuck with me instead. Rob is in the midst of some 14 hour days at the litigation firm, doing, erm, whatever it is he does at the litigation firm, so he asked me to step in. I’m not entirely sure why I said yes, to be honest, since I’m in the middle of a very Wordful Wednesday over on my blog – apparently the Carlson men are my kryptonite, and I can’t resist either of them. Hmm. There’s a joke in there somewhere about amb spending too long in the Fortress of Solitude, but I’ll leave it to you to tease that out in the comments.

In the meantime … what were we talking about? Right; baseball. (You guys are really missing Rob right about now, aren’t you?)

My post is, as I’m sure you’ve already figured out, going to be a little bit different from your usual Wednesday fare. Since I never talk about a real person when a fictional character will do, here are my Top Five Funny Named Ballplayers on Film:

#5: Conor O’ Neill (Keanu Reeves) in Hardball: Conor doesn’t make it on base, but he scores an RBI with this one, partly

Whoa. Coaching Little League is a trip, dude.

Whoa. Baseball is a trip, dude.

because I think it’s hilarious that he’s being so “unconventional” with his “Conor with one N and Neill with two Ls” and partly because, dude, it’s Keanu.

#4 Doctor Archibald “Moonlight” Graham (Burt Lancaster) in Field of Dreams: Doc Moonlight hits a single because first of all, does that sound like the name for a really great techno DJ or what?! And second of all, because that scene where he crosses the line in the cornfield to save little Karin Kinsella’s life chokes me up every. single. time.

#3 Dottie Hinson, Mae “All the Way Mae” Mordabito, Marla Hooch, and the rest of the Rockford Peaches in A League of Their Own: Full disclosure: I love this movie. I would have found a way to put it on the list regardless; lucky for me Penny Marshall likes to name her characters after slang for alcoholic beverages! Hootch?! Really?!? Marla scores a double for the ladies (and maybe pours one, too?)

#2 Ebby Calvin “Nuke” LaLoosh (Tim Robbins) in Bull Durham: Ebby scores a triple,

Tim Robbins in Bull Durham

Tell me about it, dude.

mostly because it’s fun to watch him and Annie (Susan Sarandon) eyeball each other, but also because he reminds me of my wicked awesome Keanu when he says wicked awesome stuff like this: Clubhouse reporter: So how does it feel to get your first professional win? Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: It feels out there. I mean, it’s a major rush. I mean, it feels radical in kind of a tubular sort of way, but most of all, it feels out there.

#1 Crash Davis (Kevin Costner) in Bull Durham: A home run. One of my favourite characters in one of my favourite movies of all time. For a whole dugout full of reasons, but mostly because of the speech. You know the one.

Well, that’s the ballgame, folks! Did I leave out any of your favourite characters? Tell me which fictional players I missed in the comments.  I’m out of here before Rob makes me return my keys to the clubhouse!

love amb

About amb

Would rather spend time in TV land than Corporate World. Writes at and wishes she was more like Ingrid Bergman.
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30 Responses to Funny Named Ballplayers on Film OR: What Happens When Amb Tries to Talk About Sports

  1. Liz says:

    nice job, amb! I am extremely impressed–you seem to know what you’re talking about 🙂 entertaining for sure. I can add no names to your list as I know less about the players (fictional or otherwise) than you do. I did hop over to the Minnesota Twins official site (see, always willing to learn) and found a Darin Mastroianni and liked his name because the last half sounds like Italian food.

    • amb says:

      Thanks Liz! As soon as Rob asked me to cover for him I knew I had to find a way to talk about Bull Durham and A League of Their Own – both are glue movies of mine, for sure.

      I’m a big fan of Mastroianni’s name too! You’re right, definitely sounds Italian and delicious. I’m craving mozzarella, now …

  2. I thought there was a rule that all baseball players had to have funny names or nick names. I especially like Nuke LaLoosh!

  3. unfetteredbs says:

    Very good post. Way to keep it your style lady !!

    • amb says:

      Why thank you. I’m so glad you liked it – I had fun writing this one!

      • unfetteredbs says:

        You picked great characters. I love League of their own!! Major league was another great baseball movie

        • amb says:

          A League of Their Own is a major glue movie for me – whenever it’s on I end up stuck to the couch, rewatching it for the millionth time instead of doing whatever I was supposed to get done that day! Though I do have to confess that I’ve never seen Major League – should I add that to my weekend plans?

  4. Rob says:

    Awesome post Amb! Good work pinch-hitting for me (haha, stupid pun). And you gave everyone who gets bored to tears with my endless plugging of how awesome guys are because of their batting averages, RBI totals, won-loss record, and my favorite, ERA, a break. (Luckily for everyone, I don’t go into total nerd territory with all the newfangled stats they’re making up these days.)

    Plus, you got characters from two different Costner films on there! Dave and I always joke about Costner’s major league career. (of course, he didn’t have one, but it seems like it sometimes) I get choked up when Costner and his dad “have a catch” in Field of Dreams.

    • amb says:

      Rob!! You know I love you and your puns to bits and will pinch hit for you anytime. (I also happen to love nerds, but you already knew that 😉 )

      That scene in Field of Dreams gets me all choked up too. Who are we kidding, practically the entire movie keeps me all verklempt from beginning to end!

  5. Arto says:

    Marla Hooch and Nuke LaLoosh should hook up, she could be Marla LaLoosh Hooch. Nice ring to it.

    Nice job Amb, it’s as if you’ve been writing about fake sports your whole life!

    • amb says:

      How much do I love that you’re playing matchmaker to my fictional characters right now?!? They should absolutely hook up, that’s brilliant.

      Why thank you! I also cover fake crime fighting, newspaper writing, and various other shenanigans.

  6. Pingback: My Life as a Movie Monday: 10 Things I Hate About You | words become superfluous

  7. Miss Lou says:

    I’ve come to tell Rob, that he owes Amber a favor and it could possibly be marriage to me. (gee, I hope you’re not married already, that could be awkward)

    Excellent post by the way Amber. I know absolutely nothing about Baseball (is that going to be a deal breaker @ Rob?) I do like Australian Rugby League and Union

    With the exception of a A League of Their Own, I haven’t seen any of the mentioned movies. *adds them to my ‘watch’ list*

    Now, if this marriage business is too soon (@ Rob), then a follow and a flurry of responses on this blog will suit well for now:

    *races off to eat breakfast*

    • amb says:

      Well thank you very much! I should have known that you’d love ALoTO as much as I do, since we seem to be on the same wavelength about so many other very important things 😉

      Rob – Miss Lou was looking for a Dave of her own and I oh-so-casually mentioned that he had a brother. If this all works out I’ll throw your engagement party over at my place.

  8. Miss Lou says:

    P.s: That bottom shot of Tim Robbins? is particularly scary. Not sure I’ll watch that one.

  9. Pingback: The Middle Name Acting Aphorism; OR What Happens When Amb Tries to Talk About Sports (Again) | The Blog of Funny Names

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