Funny Names in the News is here! Apologies for the delay, Funny Name enthusiasts, your appointed correspondent was working late last night and completely forgot his more important blogging duties upon getting home, and instead ate an orange and fell asleep. D’oh! Well, the orange was good at least.
But, on the bright side, here we are!
We start with news from our Senior Hawaiian Shirt Wearing Correspondent Mark Sackler, who tells us of a woman in Hawaii with an improbably long name. Here it is. Take a deep breath. Ok, Janice Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele has unsurprisingly been having some issues with her name not fitting on a government issued ID. I’m sure that’s not her only issue with the name. I can tell you from experience as someone with a slightly puzzlingly spelled last name, making any kind of phone call where you have to give your name can result in long alphabet recounting spelling sessions . I sympathize with Mrs. Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele, also known as Copy-Paste-Janice, because heck, I’m not going to spell that out one letter at a time. It’s really fun to say though, good way to spend eight minutes of your day.
As a bonus fact, the name in Hawaiian means “one who would stand up and get people to focus in one direction when there was chaos and confusion, and help them emerge from disorder.” That’s actually kind of wonderful.
Moving further West with our Pacific Ocean Spanning Correspondent Mr. Sackler, who reports on a record-setting campaign in the Japanese Major League Baseball (next week he’ll tell us about my record-setting
awkward segues.) EX-MLB outfielder/DH Wladamier Balentien broke the league’s single season home run record, originally set by the iconic Sadaharuh Oh in 1964. Mark adds, If Balentien’s name looks funny to us, you can just imagine what it looks like to the Japanese. Ha! You know what I’ve never heard? Japanese baseball announcers. I hope they’re as animated as those guys who do play-by-play in those frenetic “guy trying to leave giant maze while two other dudes in bear suits try to catch them” shows. Oh Japan, what a place.
Coming back to North America, Toronto FC has a player on their squad by the name of Bright Dike. I found this “news” delightful so here am I sharing it.
Meanwhile in Show Business, someone named Edna Gundersen has been busy telling us what she thinks of what Cher thinks of Miley Cyrus doing stuff on stage that Madonna’s been doing since 1982. I didn’t bother re
ading the article since Miley can do whatever she wants as far as I’m concerned and it wouldn’t particularly cause consternation in my world, but hey, you gotta love a Gundersen.
Speaking of cuddly furballs, the San Diego Zoo has a new baby sloth! Yay! Cuteness overload. The baby needs a name of course, and why not make it funny. The zoo has ignored my numerous pleas to name the sloth Cornelius Drebbel, so instead they are having a vote to choose between Xena, Dulce, Guiana, or Subida. Whichever name wins, we all win.
Thanks for reading y’all, and check back next week for more funny name madness!