“I hate ridiculous names; my weird name has haunted me all my life.”–Peaches Geldof
Peaches Honeyblossom Geldof, (March 13, 1989–) is a British Journalist, model and TV host. She may also be the one and only personage ever honored on these pages who actually claims to dislike her name. As for the excess of protestation alluded to in the title of this post (thanks Will Shakespeare!) we’ll deal with that later in the article.
But first let’s get with the origins of the name and her celebrity. The middle daughter of British punk rocker Bob Geldof and Paula Yates, Peaches is situated between younger sister Pixie Geldof and older sister Fifi Trixbelle Geldof. Let’s also not forget her younger half-sister, Tiger Lily Hutchence Geldof. It seems that her parents just couldn’t bring themselves to name their girls Mary or Sarah or Jennifer. Pixie…Fifi…Peaches…Tiger Lily…these names sound like a performing troupe of acrobatic Labradoodles. To add to the mix, she married her first husband, songwriter Max Drummey, in one of those quicky Vegas wedding chapels, a union that–surprise, surprise–lasted only eight months.
She began her media career writing articles for teen magazines at the tender of age of 14, later graduating to modeling and TV hosting. Her biggest claim to fame–and subsequently infamy–came early in 2009 when she signed on to be the modeling face of The Ultimo Collection of swimwear and lingerie. It’s basically a British version of Victoria’s Secret. At the time, the head of Ultimo praised her saying, “Peaches was the perfect choice for this campaign. She’s young, edgy with lashings of style.” The key word in that quote being “was,” as the gig did not last long. The collection launched at Debenham’s Department store in London in May of 2009. But in March of 2010, after nude photos of Geldof appeared on the internet, along with allegations of a night of crazed orgies and drug consumption, she was unceremoniously dumped by Ultimo. It seems it would have been the perfect timing to quit her last name, and just go with Peaches Honeyblossom to launch a career in adult entertainment. But that did not happen.
So let’s get back to the protestations regarding her given name. There are two things that strike her disapprobation as insincere. The first is the simple tendency of high profile celebrities to change their names to whatever seems more marketable or acceptable. Think of Norma Jean Mortenson (Marilyn Monroe) or Alan Konisgburg (Woody Allen). Maybe she was afraid of the “artist formerly known as” syndrome, but one suspects she’s not quite famous enough to suffer that sort of lazy journalism disrespect. No, you’d have to think that keeping her father’s surname, at least, was the best marketing move for her career.
This brings us to the real killer: reason number two. She named her two sons (from her second marriage to Thomas Cohen) Astala Dylan Willow and Phaedra Bloom Forever! These names even turned out to be too over the top for the father who gave her the name Peaches Honeyblossom. Bob Geldof actually objected to the names given to his two grandsons, though it should be noted that his objections to the names had nothing to do with them being weird. He objected to Astala and Phaedra because he thought they sounded like girls names.
With that, we bid farewell to the oddly-named and spawned Geldofs, feeling sure there are no more weird skeletons in their closet.
Oh. Wait. Peaches is a practicing Scientologist.
Until next time folks–and don’t name your kids after the ingredients in a vegan smoothie.