Funny Names In The News 61 – The One Where Dave’s Brain Takes a Vacation

Hello mellow yellow fellows! Happy Friday morning! It’s that time of the week again.

Is it really? Yikes!

Fresh off a 13-hour essay writing stint where I finished 19 of the 22 application essays I was aiming for today, I’m jumpin straight into Funny Names in the News and there ain’t nothing you can do about it.

Where’s my brain? Have you seen it? It looks kind of like this:

gorman-thomas

Whoops, that’s Stormin’ Gorman Thomas! One time back in my high school art club days I was drawing a baseball player and Rob said “Hey, that looks like Gorman Thomas! He was a Brewer legend who could bop one out with the best of ’em!” and so I found out about Gorman Thomas. He was a Brewer legend (I guess he still is). He could also bop one out with the best of ’em.

What was I saying? Oh yeah… my brain. It looks like this:

My brain's more badass than your brain! :P

My brain’s more badass than your brain! 😛

In bourbon heist news, our very own Liz brings us news that a recent heist (or at least it was recent a few weeks ago when she told me about it before I negligently forgot it) of 20-year-old Pappy Van Winkle bourbon is likely an inside job. I remember having some Pappy Van Winkle with my friend Courtney after a dancing lesson back in the days of yore (like 2-3 months ago). It probably wasn’t 20 years old though. Still, a delicious bourbon.

Wait! Courtney, Dave, bourbon… sounds familiar doesn’t it?

Why yes it does! Because back in the days of yore, Liz wrote a delightful post about a delightful bourbon cake that Courtney delightfully prepared for me. Fun fact: if I’m not dead on Monday, I’ll be giving Courtney her first boxing lesson. Yippee skippy! Fun Fact 2: That post reminds me that Liz has never seen Community. Dear friends: make sure to mention that in the comments section 🙂

Moving on…

The existence of stock photos like this one reaffirms my faith in humanity and God and boxing and smart phones and all that is good in the world.

The existence of stock photos like this one reaffirms my faith in humanity and God and boxing and our founding fathers and smart phones and all that is good in the world.

The BoFN’s very own Exhaustion correspondent Dave Who Is Me brings us news of a thoughtful reflection on poverty and spending habits by the awesomely-named Tressie McMillan Cottom.

Honestly though, as a guy with a name like Dave, I have to wonder what kind of authority Tressie McMillan Cottom can have on issues of poverty, since she possesses such a richness of awesome names.

On to politics, where folks took a break from their usual muckraking and name calling on Tuesday to vote in some important elections. Beleaguered Ex-Politico Correspondent, Dave Who Is Still Me brings us the important news that Chris Christie defeated Barbara Buono in the New Jersey gubernatorial election, also known as the battle of the double monogrammed. Congrats to Mr. Christie.

Chris Christie rockin' the ... I don't know what the heck that look is!

Chris Christie rockin’ the … I don’t know what the heck that look is!

In People Who Look Nothing Like Chris Christie news, Celebuzz and Cuteness Correspondent Amb! brings us news that Taye Diggs was on New Girl this week. She then goes on to eloquently explain the notability of such an occurrence. “Which wouldn’t be that newsworthy, except that he was shown in bed. Naked. And there’s a GIF: (see below). While I’m recovering, sit back and watch your stats climb because of all those “naked taye diggs” search results. You’re welcome. amb xo.”

In old high school buddies news, Dave Who Is Surprisingly Still Me brings us the pleasant convergence of old Torrey Pines alum Rodrique Zsorryon Benson and former NBA center Olumide Oyedeji in the Korean Basketball League. The announcement came in the form of a finger-lickin’ good Berkeley article on one of their tallest ex-students.

In Abe Vigoda wearing a Wombat Suit news, an anonymous tipster who I’ll guess is Amb since it’s a link to a Vulture article brings us the delightful news update that was summarized thusly: Abe Vigoda, Wombat suit, PhishAnd it’s true. Abe Vigoda did wear a wombat suit at a Phish concert.

In Pussy Riot news, Esteemed Pussy Riot Expert Who Is Also Me, Dave, brings us a concerning update that Pussy Riot’s very own Nadezhda Tolokonnikova has not been heard from in 19 days despite supposedly being transferred to a different prison. While we wish her only the best, and eagerly await her return, you can take some comfort in the sheer number of awesome Russian names in this BBC article. Have I mentioned lately how much I love Russian women? Well that goes twofold for Russian women who are in a band called Pussy Riot, even though I’ve never actually listened to their songs.

Well that just about sums up another tired and weary and corybantic edition of Funny Names in the News. Join us next week when we tell you how to turn a platypus into…

… wait, what?

are you telling me there’s still some unfinished business?

Does it have anything to do with Dave’s straight man card being revoked?

Yes, yes it does.

Here’s the aforementioned naked Taye Diggs gif, which makes me grateful that there were no subpoenas ordered on my hard drive in the twenty seconds this existed on there.

Remind me to never again use the words "excited", "hard drive" and anything that sounds like "subpoenas" in the same sentence where I mention a naked black man. Kthxbai!

Remind me to never again use the words “grateful”, “hard drive” and anything that sounds like “subpoenas” in the same sentence where I mention a naked black man. Kthxbai!

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About Dave

Based out of San Diego, California. Co-founder of the Blog of Funny Names. funnynamesblog.wordpress.com
This entry was posted in Funny Names In The News, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Funny Names In The News 61 – The One Where Dave’s Brain Takes a Vacation

  1. amb says:

    Oh, honey. I need to go to bed early and leave you alone to write FNITNs on no sleep more often. You and your badass brain crack me up.

  2. wdydfae says:

    This is . . . I just . . . I mean . . .

    Words fail me.

    I don’t have a bad*ss brain but I literally had Bad*ss as a name, though just for a short period.

    • Dave says:

      Look everyone! Diddy didn’t have the ability to write a blurb today! I take this as some sort of feather in my cap. Either he was so blown away by the awesomeness of this post, or its wacky, directionless tone left him totally incapacitated. Either way, I think I’ve accomplished something notable!

      • wdydfae says:

        “Either he was so blown away by the awesomeness of this post, or its wacky, directionless tone left him totally incapacitated.”

        These are not mutually exclusive possibilities. It doesn’t have to be “either . . . or”; it could be “both . . . AND”!

  3. While I’m sorry I did not see your plea for help last night, I love what you did with the FNITN. Except for the animated Taye Diggs, that’s a bit disturbing. 🙂

    • Dave says:

      I know! I wish I could say that even my nightmares were disturbed by that gif, but I slept so deeply I don’t even remember the dreams I had.

      As for not seeing my plea, it’s all good. That’s what happens when I decide to call for help at the last minute. It all culminated in a wacky FNITN, so I consider it a minor victory.

  4. ksbeth says:

    you made my taye )

  5. Rob says:

    I’ve never heard someone say their brain looks like Gorman Thomas.

  6. Liz says:

    realizing I never hit this on Friday–sorry! (am busy working multiple projects, etc, much like yourself 🙂 ) Thanks for the hits for Pappy. Hope they catch the high-end bourbon stealer and bring him/her to justice.

    Your post is definitely a cry for help 😉 Though you’re not giving anyone much reason to fill in for you when you put awesome reads like this one out… Carry on, Dave!

  7. Pingback: Funny Names in the News 67, with a Splendid Announcement from Russia | The Blog of Funny Names

  8. Pingback: Iggy Azalea: would Amethyst Amelia Kelly by any other name sound as sweet? | The Blog of Funny Names

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