Fish Wars! (And Mullets Too!) – Funny Baseball Names (Repost)

Due to some unforeseen circumstances (namely a “fire drill” at work – basically an urgent task requiring lots of hours of work in a very short time frame) I have not been able to do much but work and sleep a little the past couple days, so I have made the decision to repost one of my favorite posts on this blog, instead of writing something sloppy as fast as possible (a technique I’ve been known to use on occasion ;). Joking aside, my apologies, but I figure you’d want to read something entertaining over something crappy. The original post is below, and many of you have probably never seen it.

Baseball history was made on Sunday afternoon (I think) when two fishy-named players squared off in an epic 13-inning battle between the San Diego Padres and Los Angeles Angels at Petco Park. It was the first time (to my knowledge) that one fishy-named player hit a home run off of another fishy-named player, as the Angels’ Mike Trout hit a solo shot off the Padres’ Anthony Bass in the 5th inning.

The mullet – a hairdo?

This occasion inspired me to create a list I will call baseball’s “All-Time Aquatic All-Stars” team. I have named the best player at each position with an aquatically-oriented name. So here goes:

C: Whale Walters – not exactly a star, the pudgy backstop batted only .172 in his one year in the big leagues.

1B: Hooks Cotter (As in fishing hooks) – batted .264 over two years, but played fine defense!

2B: Callix Crabbe – played one season with the Padres in 2008.

3B: Craig Shipley – a coveted utility player, Shipley batted .271 over parts of 11 seasons in the big leagues.

SS: Troy Tulowitzki – current All-Star shortstop for the Colorado Rockies, considered by many to be the best active shortstop in the game. And no, his name has nothing do with fish or sea life. Read on to find out why he’s on the list!

LF: Chester Guppy – not much is known about Guppy, who actually never reached the majors, but played for several years in the minors. But I couldn’t resist putting him on the list – what a name!

CF: Mike Trout – a young up-and-comer, Trout was ranked as the best prospect in baseball in 2011.

RF: Tim Salmon – considered by many to be the best player in Angels history, Salmon batted .282 with 299 homers in 14 seasons with the Angels.

Starting Pitcher: Catfish Hunter – Baseball Hall of Famer, amassed 224 wins and a Cy Young Award over 15 seasons in the big leagues.

Relief Pitcher: Anthony Bass – young starter/middle reliever, surrendered the aforementioned home run to Mr. Trout.

Closer: Marlin Stuart – not exactly a household name, Stuart amassed 15 saves over 6 years in the late ‘40s and early ‘50s.

What a team! It would be interesting to see how they would have played together, given the absolutely terrible career stats of some of the players, and the All-Star caliber performance of others. However, one thing is for certain – they all have awesome names.

…or a fish?

But ahh yes, you want to know why Troy Tulowitzki is on the list. Let’s just say he had a rather fishy hairdo, according to the greatest announcer in baseball history, Vin Scully (please listen to the clip, I guarantee you won’t regret it):

“A mullet’s a fish!” Well said, Vin.


About Rob

Huge San Diego Padres fan, working as an economic consultant in Pasadena, CA. Contributor to the Funny Names Blog.
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5 Responses to Fish Wars! (And Mullets Too!) – Funny Baseball Names (Repost)

  1. Liz says:

    definitely a food connection–I’m in 🙂

  2. Dave says:

    Unable to do much but work AND sleep? You must not be trying hard enough 😉

    I think that joke says more about my issues than any of yours 🙂

    It’s always good to go back and re-listen to Vin Scully musing about mullets!

  3. amb says:

    I love that you call it a fire drill – I’m so totally stealing that, Carlson. Means the next time I go through I a week like the one I just had, I can distract myself with thoughts of being rescued by tall strong firemen 😉

  4. Another great post and a fabulous inclusion of my favorite baseball announce ever the “good lookin little ball player” Vin Scully

  5. Pingback: Chiwetel Eijiofor | The Blog of Funny Names

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