Hand Waving, Couch Sitting, Elixir Mixin’ Funny Names in the News vol. 66

Hey folks, it’s Friday! Whoo-hoo! Finally, we’ve reached the day that the ancient Sumerians dubbed “the greatest day” before embarking on a traditional weekend long journey to the nearest “watering hole”, where they acquired all the nutrition and liquid power required for the following week.*

On to the “news” of the week, what funny named giants have been breaking the news barrier this week?

We start of course with celebrity of the week Thamsanqa Jantije, the controversial sign language interpreter at Nelson Mandela’s memorial, who has the great honor of probably being the first person in history to be widely described as a “controversial sign language interpreter”. See new developments in this story in the Guardian here, as provided to us by our Hand Waving Correspondent Dave.

Totally Productive Random List Reading Correspondent Dave also provided us a peek at this article looking at some forgotten assassinations, which it appears someone did indeed remember, bringing into the question the use of the word “forgotten” in the title. Dave’s attention was drawn towards suspected assassin Pollycarpus Priyanto, who was later freed on evidence of his having an amazing name.

Ethan Couch's mugshot.

Ethan Couch’s mugshot.

Slightly interesting news also coming in from Slightly Interesting News Correspondent D.C Arlson, who brings us this report of Ethan Couch, a 16-year-old rich kid who killed four people while drunk driving, and managed to avoid jail time by successfully arguing that he suffered from “affluenza”, also known as being wealthy. The jurors in this case were probably vowed by testimony from psychologist G. Dick Miller, whose appearance they greeted with excited whispers of “aw gee, Dick Miller!” So yeah, that happened.

Dear readers, you probably know me well enough by now to know that I am a big fan of anyone who is referred to as a “mystery monk”. That is the case with Manoj Bhargava, the mysterious elixir mixin’ gentleman behind the 5-Hour Energy Drink line of beverages. If you want to shed some light of knowledge on this mystery, read this. It’ll help, because they tell you stuff about him, and then you know more.

More from Video Viewing Correspondent Dave, who has viewed this video and informed us of orc puns being delivered by none other than Aubrey Plaza. You should totally watch it if you like funny things. And if you don’t, you probably thought this was a real news page, in which case I should tell you it’s really not, we just like funny names and amusing anecdotes and bad puns and jazz flute solos, so you may want to head on over to theonion.com instead for more serious coverage of current events.

That’s it for me! Thanks for hanging out and see you next week!

*none of that is true, but I’ll still feel better about this week’s trip to the local watering hole knowing it’s a journey steeped in fake history.

About Arto

Co-founder of the Funny Names Blog, Hawaiian shirt enthusiast, and holder of a funny name himself with too many vowels for any sensible person. Currently residing in San Diego, California, scouring through obscure documents on a hunt for more funny names. www.funnynamesblog.wordpress.com
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17 Responses to Hand Waving, Couch Sitting, Elixir Mixin’ Funny Names in the News vol. 66

  1. Wait, you mean, this isn’t real news? Oh, the Ethel of it all!

  2. Dave says:

    Haha, the funny thing is how productive this week was. I got a LOT accomplished – like booking 2 interviews, 4 new tutoring students, a meeting with a copyright attorney, and started organizing my biology curriculum. FNITN compiling is a sign of great productivity!

    P.S. There’s nothing bad about Aubrey’s orc puns! Orc-chasm!

  3. Dave says:

    Oh, and is that an Ethan Allen couch? Just curious?

  4. Rio says:

    I laughed out loud. That is really something. I am suffering from S.A.D. right now and I’m thinking of using your blog in my “TEN THINGS TO BEAT THE WINTER BLUES” series. Seriously.

    • Arto says:

      We would be beyond honored if you did. I’m not sure what there is on the other side of honored, but I’m looking forward to making that discovery! Doing our part to beat away those moments when you aren’t laughing.

  5. ksbeth says:

    Pollycarpus Priyanto – should be forgiven anything. we all owe him for having had to endure that name since birth.

  6. Liz says:

    lots of good stuff here and totally missed it! maybe had too much eggnog back at my place?

    It’s sentences like this that keep me coming back: “It’ll help, because they tell you stuff about him, and then you know more.” That is the simple sort of logic that works for me. Wish I would’ve tuned in last Friday as they I could have spent the weekend reading your links and be up to speed. Ah well…

    I am going to go out on a limb here and say that there could quite possibly be a bad pun out there. I’ve never seen one here at BoFN of course, but just saying it could happen.

    • Arto says:

      That is a bold statement. When you come across it, I do hope you will share.

      Thanks for appreciating the small but powerful logic employed on these pages. It’s working for us….I think. Now, how about some more eggnog? Mmm-hmmm.

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    For many of the 300,000 Chinese students at U.S. colleges and their parents back home, the presumed http://keepingtraditions.com/gripx.php?cccd

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