Hey folks, it’s Friday! Whoo-hoo! Finally, we’ve reached the day that the ancient Sumerians dubbed “the greatest day” before embarking on a traditional weekend long journey to the nearest “watering hole”, where they acquired all the nutrition and liquid power required for the following week.*
On to the “news” of the week, what funny named giants have been breaking the news barrier this week?
We start of course with celebrity of the week Thamsanqa Jantije, the controversial sign language interpreter at Nelson Mandela’s memorial, who has the great honor of probably being the first person in history to be widely described as a “controversial sign language interpreter”. See new developments in this story in the Guardian here, as provided to us by our Hand Waving Correspondent Dave.
Totally Productive Random List Reading Correspondent Dave also provided us a peek at this article looking at some forgotten assassinations, which it appears someone did indeed remember, bringing into the question the use of the word “forgotten” in the title. Dave’s attention was drawn towards suspected assassin Pollycarpus Priyanto, who was later freed on evidence of his having an amazing name.
Slightly interesting news also coming in from Slightly Interesting News Correspondent D.C Arlson, who brings us this report of Ethan Couch, a 16-year-old rich kid who killed four people while drunk driving, and managed to avoid jail time by successfully arguing that he suffered from “affluenza”, also known as being wealthy. The jurors in this case were probably vowed by testimony from psychologist G. Dick Miller, whose appearance they greeted with excited whispers of “aw gee, Dick Miller!” So yeah, that happened.
Dear readers, you probably know me well enough by now to know that I am a big fan of anyone who is referred to as a “mystery monk”. That is the case with Manoj Bhargava, the mysterious elixir mixin’ gentleman behind the 5-Hour Energy Drink line of beverages. If you want to shed some light of knowledge on this mystery, read this. It’ll help, because they tell you stuff about him, and then you know more.
More from Video Viewing Correspondent Dave, who has viewed this video and informed us of orc puns being delivered by none other than Aubrey Plaza. You should totally watch it if you like funny things. And if you don’t, you probably thought this was a real news page, in which case I should tell you it’s really not, we just like funny names and amusing anecdotes and bad puns and jazz flute solos, so you may want to head on over to theonion.com instead for more serious coverage of current events.
That’s it for me! Thanks for hanging out and see you next week!