In the good land of BoFN when Christmas drew near
Folk were having . . . not quite universal good cheer.
For in fact, there was one . . . er, his name we can’t say . . .
Whud Id Fah? Whud Yuhd Fee? Or, Why Diddy Fay?
But in all BoFN towns and in each BoFN city
The BoFNites chose to just call him . . .
Diddy
Now in Diddy’s hard, cold, little bristly brain
There bounced back and forth only one tired refrain.
“This name waste must stop! Stop wasting those names!
No, no, no! Don’t you waste! No more name wasting games!
Funny names are a rare, irreplaceable treasure!
Don’t waste them, I say! They are rare beyond measure!”
And so it went on, and then on, and on more
Until BoFNites marched to bang on the king’s door.
“Tell this Diddy to cease! Tell this Diddy to hush!
But don’t you stop there: tell this Diddy ‘Shush! Shush!'”
So King Dave rolled his eyes and paid Diddy a visit.
And he said, “Look here, Diddy! This isn’t keen, is it?
This pouting and shouting and spouting–not good!
The real estate’s tanking in each neighborhood.”
“Look around you! These names are not really so rare!
They are here! They are there! There are names everywhere!
You see, Diddy, funny names DO grow on trees
And on bushes and twigs and from pods of green peas.”
Now, according to custom, a Scrooge-ish conversion
Takes many long scenes in a good movie version,
And many a page in a fine children’s book,
And that is indeed how long Diddy’s took,
But we’ve got strict word limits so we’ll jump on ahead
And show, not old Diddy, but the new one instead.
“King Dave, you are right!!! How could I be so wrong?!?”
Diddy said (and we promise this change did take long).
“There are funny names here, and funny names there!
Why, there’s one on the porch, and on the third stair!
Yes, finding these names is not hard! It’s a cinch!
Look, here’s Cindy Lou Who, Mayor Maywho, and Grinch!
Cindy Lou lives in Whoville and Grinch on Mt. Crumpit,
And he tore down its slopes blaring blasts from a trumpet!”
Thus Diddy expounded, his arms stretched aloft.
“Oh, and Grinch had a song sung by Thurl Ravenscroft!”
“Now you doubters who gasp, to your total surprise’ll
hear Theo LeSieg, Theodor Seuss Geisel
A.k.a. Theophrastus, our own Dr. Seuss!
(Who drew the green eggs with a car and caboose)!
And our Seuss had a publisher named Bennett Cerf,
And though it’s off topic, this thing’s called a Smurf!”
Well, the BoFNites marched to King Dave’s house once more.
“Stop this Diddy!” they cried. “NOW HE’S WORSE THAN BEFORE!!!“
So, we hope that our tale gave you some small delight,
We’ll end here and wish you a good Christmas night!
Merry Christmas!
The Blog of Funny Names 
Reblogged this on Lost in The World Map.
I’ve been waiting for this post to go live since I peeked at the draft a few weeks ago. Amazing! One of the greatest posts ever on BoFN, in my opinion. Well done, Diddy!
Thanks, Dave! A very kind comment. I’m only trying to keep up with the titans of BoFN.
You have a gift, thanks for sharing it with us!
Thanks, Fannie! I’ve been fussing with those lines so much these past weeks that I lost any sense of whether they work or not.
It was perfect. 🙂
merry christmas to all the names and to many more we’ll discover this year )
And Merry Christmas to ksbeth too!
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Diddy !!! This is officially my favourite thing you’ve ever done in the history of things you’ve done ever. All of my favourite things are here – Christmas! Dr. Suess!! You!!! This was about seven-teen kinds of awesome.
And bonus points for using the word “keen” and actually sounding like Dave. (Re: that “King” title – does this mean I get to be Princess Amb?)
Merry Christmas !!!
Thanks so much, Amb! As you know, the earth turns according your thumbs ups, so now it can start churning ’round again!
I think Dave being King would actually make you Queen rather than princess, unless you want to get into some reeeeaaaaalllll twisted royal family stuff.
But I like Empress Amb, too.
Or, Ambpress Amb!
I feel like I’m not enough of a grownup to handle the “Queen” title. That implies I have to be responsible and regal and stuff. “Princess” on the other hand, just sounds like I get a lot of sparkly stuff to wear. Although I like “Ambpress” too!
That’s what people will be calling WordPress in a few years if things go according to your plan of internet blog domination!
Good one!
And Merry Christmas to you, too!
Genius, just genius. And look at all those funny names, all in one post!
Thanks, Arto!
It was a painful concession to convincing characterization. But we artists must make any sacrifice necessary for the craft, even our highest ideals about name conservation.
Once again proving that you are the best
At funny name bogging, but let me say this
Yer funny while talking about names that are funny
You N’ yer chums, sittin round bein chummy
Bringin us funny name poems, filled with Holiday Cheer
A wonderful gift to help close out the year.
I am so in awe of this comment, all I can do in thanks is lay down a boom box track for it.
GA boom boom THWACK
GA chickety chick THWACKA
GA boom boom chuckiddy chuckiddy
Wookah Wookah CHACKA
Wookah Wookha CHACKA! But you forgot this line: “Boom diddy BOOM!”
Have been waiting for this post, too, ever sine Dave started referring to himself as King. Which was weeks ago.
Christmas festivities have taken me away from my WordPress visits, but you knew I’d check in, right?
About that poem: Spectacular and wonderful and amazing and so so cool! Best post ever–love how you’re shaking things up at BoFN. King Dave did a good thing when he brought you on board.
Love the character play up there–’cause you are kinda Grinchish–gruffness hiding a kind and generous heart. Don’t tell anyone this: I share your fear a little about running out of funny names. Will go hunting among green pea pods and porches and such to see if I can turn a few more up 😉
Merry Christmas, Diddy! (We’d call you something else if you’d tell us your NAME 😉 )
Thanks!
Sigh. The things I have to do to get your attention, Liz.
I missed that Dave was calling himself King.
The name waste obsessed Diddy is actually probably more like an amalgram of 1) the frantic goldfish in The Cat in the Hat, and 2) the guy in the stovepipe hat in Green Eggs and Ham. But you gotta make some adjustments to try to make the thing zing.
Merry Christmas to you, too!
I got the King Dave line in an off-the-WordPress-grid message, so he wasn’t using it here that I know of. Totally see you as that goldfish 🙂 Just gotta chill–it’s only a blog. Whatever adjustments you made, there was plenty of zing!
At the inlaws for the week and am ever thankful for their wi-fi. We’ve had these discussions before, but “off the grid” is not a good thing to me. Had I no access to the internet, I would have had to wait even longer for your post 0-: Am sure I’m missing lots over at your home base as well. Will check back eventually–promise!
Good to hear you’re not trudging to the public library like last time. Especially as it would involve snow shoes and such.
Hey, off the grid is good. As a wise person told me recently, “it’s only a blog.”
Oh, yeah. That was you!
very interesting blog , i follow you and will read you , and hope you the succeed, thanks for accepting me as a reader , happy new year
A belated Merry Christmas!
And to you, too!
Hey, guys, I mean, how long is that thing gonna sit up there?
It’s getting to be like the family that doesn’t bother to throw out the Christmas tree even though it’s ONE WEEK after Christmas and the tree’s getting that dried-up, shabby, totally out of place look, and it’s almost NEW YEAR’S EVE fer cryin’ out loud!
Sorry, was left in a five-day chocolate stupor that prevented any activity. We’ve done it, we’ve done it, it’s gone! The tree has been tossed off the balcony. Someone else can take it from there.
When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment
is added I get several emails with the same comment.
Is there any way you can remove me from that service? Bless
you!
Wow, that’s a tough one.
You might try Viagra. Or maybe some kind of herbal equivalent would do the trick.
Good luck!
Haha, I thought I was the only one who wrote snarky comebacks to those bot-created comments we get every now and then. I’m proud of you, Diddy! 🙂
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Still one of the greatest posts in BoFN history!
Thanks! If so, it’s only because King Dave inspires us to do our bestest!
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