Hello! Friday time, baby! That means there must be some kind of crazy roundup of the craziest funny name stories in the news this week, right?
Twist! This week, the Winter Olympics have been taking place in Sochi, Russia. In case you haven’t heard, a guy named iPod is now a gold medalist. Isn’t that great?
We here at Funny Names Central are big fans of winter Olympians (particularly Picabo Street), and therefore continue to bring you the finest funny name related Olympics coverage in all the land.
Amb somehow forgot this guy from her midweek handsome athlete recap…
Here are some of the funniest names we’ve spotted in the games this week (in addition to the ones my colleague D-Dawgz already spotted on Monday.)
Let’s begin with food.
I have no personal experience in the flavors exhibited by these fine sportspersons, but I can tell you their names make me want to make some muffins. Snowboarder David Bakes and the Tongan luger (I’m told these are both things) Bruno Banani (born Fuahea Semi) have certainly earned their places in this report. For more American tastebuds, perhaps the duo of Raphael Herburger and Mattias Guggenberger will be more appropriate. Mmmm, burger. Whose burger? Herburger! Ha! How do you like that!?
Ah the Olympics. There’s always at least one Adam Sandler inspired competitor at the games, eh. Well, at least these games do. Canadian national hero Gilmore “Happy Gilmore” Junio is sure making a splash. In a classically Canadian move, he was just so darn nice to another athlete that there are now calls for him to be the flag bearer at the closing ceremony for his country. That’s just so nice, eh? Lumberjack Beaver Molson Maple Leafs.
What? Oh, sorry, I just devolved to pure Canadian maple syrup, I mean stereotypes there for a second. Back to Sochi.
The Olympics Are Rated PG, Right?
Prince Hubertus, looking positively princelike.
I was forced to question this after learning of Swiss hockey player Luca Cunti, who I’m sure is a lovely person, as well as Croatian biathlete Jakov Fak. I am not sure what the connection is between German ski jumper Andreas Wank and Russian speed skater Semen Elistratov, but I will let any amateur private…um, what’s the word……uh, detectives among us figure that one out.
Moving on to more innocent fun, German cross country skier Thomas Bing certainly rings my funny name bells, and I’d love to be the TV commentator for Paulina Bobak‘s biathlon run. Bobak! I’ve previously discussed my great appreciation for Latvian hockey star Zemgus Girgensons, but since he is present at the Olympics, I might as well bring ol’ Zemgus back up again. Hooray for Zemgus!
Norwegian skier Tim Hug must get a lot of love. As he should. Hugs all around, people!
Alpine skier Prince Hubertus of Hohenlohe-Langenburg is quite possibly the most distinguished sounding Mexican athlete at these winter Olympics, although I wouldn’t want to make too forward of a statement there. You never know. The 55-year-old Hohenlohe was Mexico’s flag bearer at the opening ceremony, and may well be the Most Interesting Skier in the World, being an actual Austrian prince and all.
For those of you looking for some pronunciation challenges, I present to you Byambadordi Bold, the Mongolian cross-country skier. I think I might adopt his name for my next band. Lithuanian skier Ingrida Ardisauskaite also presented a bit of a challenge for the event’s badge printers, though perhaps not quite reaching Janice keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele status.
So, after all that, who do we have left? We’ve got Beat Feuz, a Swiss downhill skier who I’m certainly inviting into my new band, and vowel-hungry Czech athlete Michal Krcmar.
So there. I believe the last name in today’s roundup is the best one to end on, and that is American ski wizard Heidi Kloser. Thanks Heidi!
Another smashin’ Olympics post! The aggregation of names was especially amazing!
BoFN owns these Olympics!
Fantastic job, Dave!
No wait, was this Arto?!
Or Dave?
Or Arto?
Dave?
Darto?
Arve?
You guys are messing with my mind!
It’s Arto today. He usually has more (and tighter) wordplay, but I’m glad you consider my style similar to his, because I’ve always believed that Arto is the funnier writer (in sort of a Chandler Bing kind of way), whereas I just make up for it with extraordinary effort.
Happy Valentines Day, Diddy!
Thanks!
Happy V-Day to all BoFNites!
BoFN gets the gold!
Oh goodness… and more goodness… so much goodness!
The Olympics..the gift that keeps on givin’.
Oh, Arto. I should have included you in my midweek handsome athlete recap. You crack me the heck up. You’re a wordathlete! (Like a mathlete, but cooler, man).
Why, I never though I’d get called “cooler than a mathlete”! This is a sensational honour, and I accept with great enthusiasm and all the appropriate U’s.
You’re totally cooler than a mathlete!
I can summon no enthusiasm for the olympics (note the small ‘o’) but wondered if Rob Duck in the following article might be appropriate.
http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2014/feb/09/somerset-floods-people-feel-abandoned
Keep up the good work.
Mr. Duck’s name certainly deserves recognition, not least because he is talking about keeping afloat in a flood. Marvelous. Thank you for the great find!
Does Arto’s band have a name?
I think they’re called Pancakes and Waffles. Am I right, Arto? 😉
Delicious. I’ll go with that.
Great names and even a section devoted to food 🙂 Well done, Arto.
Glad you enjoyed it. I decided to lead with food since everyone loves food, right? Clearly it was a wise move.
many of these we destined to become elite athletes just to defend themselves against the names they were born with.
it is all math. name your child ‘bingledorfer smickles’ = someone who will work their a%$ off in order to be tough and avoid all of the requisite teasing.
Completely agree, and I will confer your notes to my associate Mr. Smickes. He is a very hard working associate, so the theory stands.
I’d like my Guggenberger rare please..does it come with Sochis or do I have to add it?
It does not come with Sochis, but there is a freestyle pickle included in the sticker price.