Gadzooks and gravy, my friends, it’s Funny Names
Friday Monday once again! I came here to write Funny Names in the News and take Ambien, and I’m all out of Ambien, so let’s get down to bidness!
Leading off for the FNITNs this week is Online Downtime Correspondent Dave (me), who brings us an extraordinary assortment of delightful names in this EBaumsWorld slideshow “24 People Who Should Probably Change Their Names“. FNITN 38 star Dick Trickle makes an appearance, but I think Batman Bin Suparman, Fire Penguin Disco Panda, Chris P. Bacon, Tokyo Sexwale, Speed Weed and Kash Register all give him a run for his money.
In boxing news, travelin’ man Lee Groves (by way of pugilism correspondent Davey Boy!) decided to travel to Cleveland to cover boxing, but ended up hearkening back to a great moment in a boxing match of yesteryear, when Oleg Maskaev knocked Hasim Rahman out of the ring 15 years ago.
From the canvas to the hardwood we go, to bring you magnificent March Madness news! Word has it that players such as Montrezl Harrell, Jordair Jett, Chadrack Lufile, Shabazz Napier and Cleananthony Early have been lighting up the
nets in this year’s tournament. As Funny Finn Correspondent Arto said yesterday at an Islands Burger joint before we watched The Grand Budapest (great film, by the way), “Funny names in March Madness is like shooting fish in a barrel!”
We navigate from the TV screen to the silver screen, where Sexy Guys Whose Last Names Rhyme With…Nothing? Correspondent Amb! dishes out some exciting showbiz news. Amb’s beloved Ryan Gosling is potentially producing (and starring!) in a Busby Berekley biopic.
What? You’d didn’t think I’d let this FNITN be all about sports, did you? amb xo.
No amb, we know better than to think that.
But y’all know better than to think that I can be derailed from talking about boxing for too long, as I’ve stumbled upon a doozy of an article about none other than Kermit Cintron, who’s looking for another shot at a world title. In the article, they describe Cintron’s life as a quintessential boxing story, which I can agree with.
On to Things That Rhyme With Bushy Diet News, Russian convict impresario Dave enlightens us on a very promising development: apparently transgender electroclash artist Peaches (whose real name is Merrill Beth Nisker) has written a track called “Free Pussy Riot!” in support of our favorite band we rarely listen to.