Good morning everybody, and welcome to the 77th Funny Names in the News Report.

We begin with typically excellent coverage from our East Coast correspondent Mark “The Namenator” Sackler, who tells us all the latest from the world of baseball :

“With Major League Teams breaking spring training camps to head north,  the Pittsburgh Pirates have the early lead in candidates for funny-named rookie of the year, as the one-two punch of former Minor League Moniker Madness competitors, pitcher Stolmy Pimental and infielder Gift Ngoepe were both making last minute bids to make the team.  Other former Moniker Madness candidates bidding for big league jobs include Zealous Wheeler who is hanging on to a thin chance to make the Yankees, and Xander Bogaerts who appears poised to win the starting shortstop job in Boston.”

That right there is more than enough reason to start following baseball. Thanks Mark!

In local news, our Local News Correspondent Dave was wondering the halls of UCSD the other day and ran into an event announcement that looked a little bit like this.

My name is Winkfield, but my friends call me Winkfield.

Okay, so it looked exactly like that. Nevertheless, we were delighted to see both Winkfield F. Twyman, Jr. and Dayo F. Gore listed among the panelists. If their presence didn’t already convince you that this was an event worth attending, see the small print in the bottom. “Refreshments will be provided”. Mmm-hmm. Love me some refreshments.

In Serious News news, New York Sun editor Seth Lipsky went ahead and posted this video piece about the situation in Ukraine just a few days ago. And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

Moving on to the world of business, and more specifically to the world of Swedish underpants. A world many of us are intimately familiar with, I will say, without providing any further details, to pique feelings of interest, curiosity, and slight repulsion in my readers.

So big news is that the Bjorn Borg company has announced the identity of their new CEO, and to our great pleasure it is none other than Mr. Henrik Bunge. A solid accomplishment from Mr. Bunge there. Bunge.

Thank you and a have a lovely weekend!