Hey there squids! It’s Funny Names in the News volume 78, where we have a smattering of hilarity specially prepared for your funny names loving palates! We’ll get you ready for a productive Friday with a stupendous concordance of nominal delight that our Still a Local News Correspondent But Now In Magazine Form Correspondent Arto found in one of his favorite publications, the “Heaven Knows What Gazette”*
*If you know its actual name, please inform me. I’m ad-libbing this, in case it isn’t obvious. Here is the exhibit in question: Would you take a gander at that? CJ Sturtevant is our guide to the USHPA awards, which stands for the… *researches furiously*… US Hangliding & Paragliding Association. [Arto! Stop reading such mainstream sporting publications!] Then Arnold Frankenburger takes us Beyond the Scoreboard. Arnold is followed by one of the legendary funny names we’ve ever encountered on this blog…
That name is so magnificent, I almost forgot Rich Jesuroga!
… so that does it for Funny Names in the News 78… *Scratches head* What, we only did one story? But there were so many good names!
Scrubs and Cougar Town Correspondent Dave brings us news that Christa Miller (who has probably become his favorite actress) has a niece named Katinka! Katinka! What an awesome appellation! And apparently they share a mouth!
Plus, if Katinka keeps it up, she may become the youngest person ever profiled on this here BoFN.
Arto decided to take a break from reading about obscure topics in obscure publications, in favor of reading about obscure April Fools topics in esteemed publications. He brings us (satirical) news that Scotland (Oh wait… did I bold the wrong thing? I guess Scotland isn’t *that* funny of a country name) is planning to rename and renumber all of its roads if it achieves independence. Said the article:
“Independence strategists are believed to have sought advice on the plan from the Stirling University professor of transport semiotics, Lana Gocaireachd.”
This news was brought to you by Arto, our number one transport semiotics fan! (Though not without some stiff competition)
Lastly, but CERTAINLY not leastly, our all-things-baseball correspondent (and Yankees Fan who is lucky Rob isn’t around right now to hate him) Mark “The Shark” Sackler, brings us this doozy of a name from The Bronx Zoo:
Play Ball! The major league baseball season is underway. Yangervis Solarte made the New York Yankees opening day lineup, and thus becomes the first player named Yangervis to ever play major league ball. For all we know, he might be the only Yangervis to ever play anything. – Mark
That’s it for FNITN 78! Enjoy your Friday! With a 4-hour workday (as opposed to yesterday’s 10-hour one), I know I will be!