Hey kids! Welcome to the 84th edition of our massively popular (ish) weekly feature, Funny Names in the News. Today, we celebrate a very special event, the 100th anniversary of the birth of one Dick PlasmanHooray for trivia!
We move straight to the good stuff. The World Cup of soccer is right around the corner, and you all know what that means. Lots of exotic names abound! In addition to that, kooky news stories that somehow tangentially relate to the sport will hit the headlines. Case in point, the Washington Post reports that Ghana’s “most influential witch doctor”, who goes by the name of Nana Kwasu Bonsam, has personally cursed Portugal star Cristiano Ronaldo, causing his recent thigh injury. We feel we should take his word for it, because his name translates literally as “Devil of Wednesday”, and that’s just too good. Much more on the World Cup next week right here!
Further abroad, our Pierogi-eating, Tschaikovski-loving, Milla Jovovich-ogling Ukrainian Correspondent Dave dropped this piece of newson our doorstep : Former heavyweight boxer Vitali Klitschko has been elected the mayor of Kiev. Sweet deal. He defeated the slightly better named Petro Poroshenko last week, and was definitely not running on any kind of “vote for me or I will hit you really hard” platform.
Meanwhile in Nashville, where they used to have a mayor named Bill Boner, music has been played. Our old friends Ketch Secor, Critter Fuqua, and the Old Crow Medicine Show played a great rendition of Wagon Wheel at the Grand Ole Opry. Thanks again to our Grit-loving, Dollyland-visiting, Fiddle-polishing, Dead-dog-missing, Truck-driving Country Music Correspondent Dirty Ol’ Dave.
Hey, look at that! There’s more boxing here. Guess who added this ditty. I’ll tell you, it was our distinguished Uppercut-throwing, Fast-dancing, Stinging-like-a-bee-stinging Correspondent Dave! He’s been busy this week. He reports, via this actual news report, that Nonito Donaire has defeated Simphiwe Vetyeka in a match filled a man with hitting another man without mercy with his closed fist, to win the WBA featherweight title. Not the WNBA featherweight title – that’d be something else entirely.
Moving onto less violent matters, and a terrific little blog by Kia Steinkellner on why she kept her unwieldy last name when she got married. We certainly wish more strangely named individuals held on to their strange little (or large) names as proudly as Mrs. Steinkellner.
Speaking of big names, Thaneswor Guragai is certainly one in at least one sense of the term. He’s the lead organizer of a massive treehugging event that took place in Kathmandu, Nepal this week. More than 2000, um, treehuggers gathered to try to break the very important and respectable world record of most people hugging a tree at one point in time in one place. The group also included well named ninth grader Ganga Pandit. They succeeded unofficially, though it’ll take a few months to get the official certificate from Guinness, whose employees are perhaps understandably a bit slow with these things.