Hey kids! Welcome to the 84th edition of our massively popular (ish) weekly feature, Funny Names in the News. Today, we celebrate a very special event, the 100th anniversary of the birth of one Dick PlasmanHooray for trivia!
We move straight to the good stuff. The World Cup of soccer is right around the corner, and you all know what that means. Lots of exotic names abound! In addition to that, kooky news stories that somehow tangentially relate to the sport will hit the headlines. Case in point, the Washington Post reports that Ghana’s “most influential witch doctor”, who goes by the name of Nana Kwasu Bonsam, has personally cursed Portugal star Cristiano Ronaldo, causing his recent thigh injury. We feel we should take his word for it, because his name translates literally as “Devil of Wednesday”, and that’s just too good. Much more on the World Cup next week right here!
Mmmmm, pierogis.
Further abroad, our Pierogi-eating, Tschaikovski-loving, Milla Jovovich-ogling Ukrainian Correspondent Dave dropped this piece of newson our doorstep : Former heavyweight boxer Vitali Klitschko has been elected the mayor of Kiev. Sweet deal. He defeated the slightly better named Petro Poroshenko last week, and was definitely not running on any kind of “vote for me or I will hit you really hard” platform.
Meanwhile in Nashville, where they used to have a mayor named Bill Boner, music has been played. Our old friends Ketch Secor, Critter Fuqua, and the Old Crow Medicine Show played a great rendition of Wagon Wheel at the Grand Ole Opry. Thanks again to our Grit-loving, Dollyland-visiting, Fiddle-polishing, Dead-dog-missing, Truck-driving Country Music Correspondent Dirty Ol’ Dave.
Hey, look at that! There’s more boxing here. Guess who added this ditty. I’ll tell you, it was our distinguished Uppercut-throwing, Fast-dancing, Stinging-like-a-bee-stinging Correspondent Dave! He’s been busy this week. He reports, via this actual news report, that Nonito Donaire has defeated Simphiwe Vetyeka in a match filled a man with hitting another man without mercy with his closed fist, to win the WBA featherweight title. Not the WNBA featherweight title – that’d be something else entirely.
Moving onto less violent matters, and a terrific little blog by Kia Steinkellner on why she kept her unwieldy last name when she got married. We certainly wish more strangely named individuals held on to their strange little (or large) names as proudly as Mrs. Steinkellner.
A man hugging a tree, earlier.
Speaking of big names, Thaneswor Guragai is certainly one in at least one sense of the term. He’s the lead organizer of a massive treehugging event that took place in Kathmandu, Nepal this week. More than 2000, um, treehuggers gathered to try to break the very important and respectable world record of most people hugging a tree at one point in time in one place. The group also included well named ninth grader Ganga Pandit. They succeeded unofficially, though it’ll take a few months to get the official certificate from Guinness, whose employees are perhaps understandably a bit slow with these things.
The Blog of Funny Names 
FNitN is up kinda early this time around, isn’t it?
But anyway, bravo! As usual.
Nice tunes, too. I can’t remember seeing someone fiddling and singing at the same time.
Hey, I didn’t know Dave was into Tchaikovsky! It’s only been the last coupla years but I really started grooving on ole P.I.T. How about that violin concerto? Damn, that’s good.
Yes, making it easier for our East (Asian) Coast readers to get their FNITN in before Friday night tin can time.
I don’t know if Dave is into Tschaikovski, I just tried to pick a Ukrainian cultural hero to fill my little joke thingy. But I didn’t take into account the fact that he’s not Ukrainian. Whoops! Regardless, I’m sure even in the current schismic situation, Ukrainian music lovers can still enjoy a bit of the old Tschai.
Haha, such goodness! I actually know very little Tchaikovski but he seems like a well put-together chap!
Wow. You guyziz jokes are getting intricate. That’s not even an “in” joke but like a “meta-in” “joke.”
Dangerously close to an “un-joke”.
Hugging a tree looks painful. Bravo on all the hyphenated words;it’s like taking a jostling wagon ride down a mountain, all with adjectives. I had no idea Old Crow had man named Catch Soccer and a Critter. I used to call my best friend Critter in gradeschool, much to the dismay of her grandmother, who found it demeaning. As if!
I can understand Devil of Monday, but of Hump Day? What were his parents thinking? And btw, can a witch doctor do good things? Like Glinda the Good Witch Doctor? Because I have a lot of ailments that need fixing. Maybe one named Blessing of Friday.
Well, I went ahead and googled “witch doctor job description”, and one of the 21.1 million results (!) tells me they tend to specialize in physical and spiritual healing. I would presume this includes curing any acute cases of the Mondays, and perhaps even your Blessing of Friday.
Critter is definitely a term of endearment. Right? Right. It is. I am sure your grade school friend was totally ok with it.
Well, Christi naturally lends itself to Critter, and in a world of Fraggles and Muppets, one cannot seek to claim more honor than to be a Critter.
I have no choice but to concur with that assessment.
Such goodness, and amazing nicknames! Given the little (not so little!) piece of good news I found out today, I think we could make a Funny Names Theory that awesome things happen on days when you have delightful hyphenated correspondent names!
What’s up Dave? You mean good news like Doogie Houser type good news?
Exactly that type!
it’s all good, Arto, but I’m stuck on pierogi. What do you suppose they’re filled with? Are there any left?
I’m going to go with cheese and onion. That’s always a good choice.
There are always a few pierogies left. What would we do if we ran out?