Howdy doody my friends! It’s time for another rip-roarin’ edition of Funny Names in the News, and I must say, it’s good to be FNITNin’ again!!
This Friday has me following a pretty breakneck schedule with anatomy lab in the morning, followed by MCAT class and an advisor meeting in the afternoon, so let’s work through FNITN in similarly breakneck fashion! Whoop dee doo!
Starting us off this week is Amazing! Astounding! Extraordinary! correspondent AMB! who describes herself as pocket-sized (in name only), brings us a pint-sized update on a tiny little lady:
Jyoti Amge, the “world’s smallest woman” according to the Guinness Book of World Records, will be on American Horror Story next season. Amazing picture of her and co-star Jessica Lange [over there —->] – Jyoti is truly pocket-sized!
Thank you Amb!
Movin on to the great world of sports, where People Whacking Things Over A Net correspondent, Marvelous Mark Sackler, makes my life easy by writing his own brilliant update for this funny-named nugget from the world of tennis:
“Giving the lie to the notion that tennis is a funny-name challenged sport, the US Open qualifying tournament kicked off with some great names on both sides of the draw. Among the men, standouts include the mellifluously named Thanasi Kokkinakis, the backwardly named Taylor Fritz and the unfairly named Tennys Sandgren. (How could anyone ever hope to win a tennis match against somebody named Tennys?) Over on the women’s side, notable names include the over-r’ed Lara Arruabarrena (try saying that five times fast with proper Spanish rolled “rr’s”), the quintessentially American-named Tornado Black and adjective defyingly- named Luksiaka Kumkhum. One can only hope that they all make it into the main draw just to see how the TV commentators handle these handles.” – Mark “The Shark” Sackler
In other hard-hitting news, our old pal Gennady Gennadyevich Golovkin recently beat Daniel “Real Deal” Geale by 3rd round knockout. Given Golovkin’s recent history, a knockout victory isn’t surprising, but over a top 3 middleweight… that’s darn impressive. Perhaps Triple G’s fists were flying at 3G speeds!
Heading over to important international diplomacy matters, Being Myself correspondent Dave is thrilled to announce that a funny-named person (Barack Obama) sang the song “Fancy” by FNITN mainstay Iggy Azalea, who was most recently seen having a bucket of ice dumped over her head (but for a good cause, of course!)
Spotted elsewhere: Angel Haze and Ireland Baldwin doing things.
Circling back to small things and sports things, the Little League World Series has brought an impressive young lady named Mo’Ne Davis into the public eye. So much so that she’s landed on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Not only that, but the Happy Hurler is the first Little Leaguer ever to grace the cover of that esteemed publication.
And lastly, in earth-shatteringly random news, Jimmy Kimmel’s “Celebrities Read Mean Tweets” segment has let us know that just in case Cookie Monster kicks the cookie jar and needs a replacement, we’ve got BoFN legend (and world-saver) Dikembe Mutombo Mplondo Mukamba Jean-Jacques Wamutombo ready to pick up the slack and fill in for the poor blue fella! Just check out 1:54 of the video below, and hear the resemblance for yourelf!
Alright, that’s it for now. I have an important appointment with a bunch of formaldehyde in the morning. Enjoy your Fridays everyone!