We continue our extensive topical sports coverage today by taking a look at the baseball World Series going on right now. Well, technically we’re not really looking at the baseball, just the names of the players participating.
Before you ask, yes, there really is a Rusty Kuntz involved. He obviously takes the cake for greatest name ever, but let’s keep reading on for the best names on both teams this year.
The Giants
First of all, we look to the San Francisco Giants, whose roster is jam-packed with high-achieving funny named individuals.
Buster Posey
Buster Posey, in addition to reminding us of fine actresses some of us are quite fond of, is quite the catch…or catcher, I should say. He won the National League MVP award in 2012 ,and has since led the Giants to their second World Series appearance in three years. This, for people like me who don’t follow baseball, I believe is a sign of goodness.
Madison Bumgarner
The pitcher out of Hickory, North Carolina has had a fine playoff this season, breaking some nearly 100-year-old records while sporting a fashionable beard, and a name straight out of a newspaper comic strip from 1973. I could easily envision Walter Matthau playing a character with his name.
Ángel Pagán
Ángel Pagán, personifying the battle between good and evil in baseball since 2006. Seriously, that’s just a wonderful combination of names. Right up there with Rusty Kuntz (I’m not going to let that one go for the duration of my one baseball article).
Angel Pagan looks like bit of a badass.
The Royals
The Kansas City team have their own collection of finely named players as well, lest we think this series is wholly one-sided.
Rusty Kuntz
Leading the way now and forever is the Royals’ first base coach, whose name I’m obligated to report is actually pronounced with a long “oo” sound. So, get your minds out of the gutter, it’s “Roosty Kuntz”.
Billy Butler & Danny Duffy
These two have names right out of a Reno, Nevada jazz trio from the 1950s. I’m also happy to tell you that Butler’s nickname is “Country Breakfast”, presumably because he brings home the bacon, is extremely gritsy, and has an eggsellent batting average. Mr Duffy perhaps also has a nickname, but not one I’m aware of. He did, however, once play for the Idaho Falls Chukars, which is a great team name.
Kansas City sports fans can have some odd choices in fashion accessories.
Omar Infante
The fully grown Venezuelan Omar Infante was an All-Star in 2010 and is now in his second season with the Royals. Don’t call him in an emergency though, because an anagram of his name is Not A Fireman.
Mike Moustakas
Mike “Moose” Moustakas is a popular figure among the Royals faithful, who like to make moose calls when he is announced as batter. Moose antlers are also a popular item at the team gift shop, which seems odd for a sports team, but then you remember this is baseball, and everything is weird in baseball.
That concludes our summary of the funniest names at the World Series 2014! You are now ready to tune in and enjoy game 6 tonight live from Kansas City!
I need to take a moment and reflect on stressing my syllables correctly for On-Hell Pecan. Wow. He symbolizes the dichotomy in each of us. Angel, pagan, angel food cake, pecan pie, idolatrous heathens, angels we have heard on high. And his wife is named Windy! Who doesn’t love a person named an adjective?
And Billy Butler & Danny Duffy? Oh, good heavens. Country breakfast indeed! Every Cracker Barrel has a BB and DD at table two. Pretty sure these were Will Ferrell’s first choices for character names in Talladega Nights, but he had to make do with Ricky Bobby. Shake and bake.
Nice job, Arto. You hit this one right out of the park.
can I just say “thumbs up on the comment, Kerbey”? Such a stream of consciousness! And I never thought of the awesomeness of a person being named an adjective, but you are so right. 😀
XD
Me say too! Whalloper of a comment!
This is pure poetry. Thank you for putting down those words.
Windy Pagan? No kidding! Sounds like someone I want to invite to the Christmas party just to see what’ll happen.
The Butler & Duffy Show, weekdays on the Breakfast Network.
I’d watch that.
Had an extra Coke this morning, eh Kerbey?
Just Diet!
Nicely done, Arto. Extra points for the food puns: ” “Country Breakfast”, presumably because he brings home the bacon, is extremely gritsy, and has an eggsellent batting average.” 😀
I thought you’d like those. Had to get grits in there somewhere even if it’s a bit of a reach. But reaching for grits is always worth it in my experience.
i laughed out loud as i read this while my class was laughing. rusty could be a character to replace the tin man in the adult version of the wizard of oz.
Ooh boy, that’d be some Wizard! Thanks for laughing and I hope the kids were laughing at something else!
Yup, after Rusty you can pretty much shut down the internet. It’s done, your mission accomplished.
Wow, some good ones! Great topical post, Arto!
“. . . Arto goes to bat with a bodacious bevy of baseball names . . .”
“. . . base hit after base hit . . . a veritable home run!”
“. . . Arto does his magic, dragging out dozens of doozers from the Funny Name dugout . . .”
“. . . Arto scores a slam dunk goal and tops it off by spiking a touchdown across the net . . .”
“. . . Arto takes his racket and swings the birdie right through the green for a hole in one . . .”
“. . . like a quarterback stepping up to the plate, Arto scores a knockout slapshot right into the field goal . . .”
“. . . Arto’s dazzling post soars like a Hail Mary serve slung over the bleachers and lands like an uppercut to the pitch . . .”
I’m trying out my new “sports metaphor” algorithm for the blurb generator! Whaddaya think? Pretty cool, huh?
Those are some of the coolest ones yet! Love the all-round sports knowledge here!