Salutations everybody! It seems like it’s been ages since we had a Funny Names in the News, and perhaps that’s because it has. So thrilled to be back in the saddle again, to deliver your weekly dose of fantastic names, and all the news that’s unfit to print (but totally worth blogging!).
Leading off this week’s lineup, nothing says news like a person being born 200 years ago. Adolphe Sax, inventor of the Sax-ophone (get it?) would have celebrated his 200th birthday last week. Mr. Sax may no longer be with us, but he lives on through sexy sax solos and Kenny G!
Ultra fun fact: Adolphe didn’t just invent the saxophone. He also invented such orchestral staples as the saxotromba, saxhorn and saxtuba. I think we all long for the days when “musical instrument inventor” was a viable career choice. We need more Adolphe Saxes!
From tremendous cultural contributions to something a bit less wholesome, Funny Names HQ has gotten word that Oneal Ron Morris is a “Toxic Tush Doctor” (that’s a direct quote from the article) who is facing 100 years in prison for injecting illegal substances in people’s butt implants. I long for the day when “tush doctor” (toxic or innocuous) is not a viable career choice!
In showbiz news, the vaunted cultural institution that is TMZ has reported that Andy Dick has been arrested for “Grand Theft Necklace.” Apparently Andy Dick was bicycling around town when he saw a guy with a cool necklace, and asked if he could take a look at it. The guy, recognizing Andy Dick, said yes, and then Mr. Dick pedaled off with his plunder. The highlight of the article: TMZ fit in a wonderful pun, saying that the actor “allegedly pulled a Dick move.”
Moving on to sports: in women’s boxing news, Delfine Persoon won by 9th round TKO over Diana Prazak, retaining her WBC lightweight title. The fight happened in Zwevezele, West-Vlaanderen, Belgium. Is it just me, or would you feel a tad uncomfortable calling a lady a “heavyweight” or perhaps even a “middleweight”? Especially one who could knock you out. I’m glad Persoon is a lightweight champ, for the sake of boxing writers everywhere!
In basketball news, Zaza Pachulia might have the best name in the NBA right now. What an amazing name!
Finally, the best headline I’ve seen all week (with original formatting left intact):
I’ve got a Klitschko
IN MY GIANT OVEN
Seriously – that’s exactly what the article said! The story: famed actress Hayden Panettiere and her fiancee – world heavyweight champion (and one of the best heavyweight champs ever) – Wladimir Klitschko, are having a baby. The issue: 5’0″ Panettiere is carrying the baby of the 6’6″, 245 lb champ, so the proportions may be a tad out of whack. Still, that’s going to be an awesome kid, whatever size it ends up! Let’s hope they give the child an amazing Ukrainian-American celebrity baby name… something like Zaza Pachulia!
That’s it for today’s long-awaited FNITN. Enjoy your Friday, everybody!