Hap-hap-happy Holidays everyone!!! It’s Funny Names in the News, edition 95.
It’s a very happy holiday season indeed, funny names fans! Dave here, and I’ve been so delighted to be done with my “gut course” (thanks Diddy), that I didn’t even realize that the BoFN has been chock-full of awesome material (and not just chock-based conjecture) lately. On Tuesday, Liz posted about alcohol (which is always a winning topic in my book), and then on Wednesday, Kerbey weighed in with an awesome lady named ZaSu, who is peripherally related to… boxing!!!!! That led to my heartfelt proclamation that “Funny names + Some peripheral reference to boxing = Dave is in Heaven!”
So the pressure is on, folks, for a star-studded Funny Names in the News today… and luckily what I have will (hopefully) not disappoint! … gulp….
We start off with the retirement of one Stephen Colbert, who closed out his legendary political satire show The Colbert Repor(t) this week to move on to greener pastures as the host of The Late Show following David Letterman’s retirement. To all funny names fans, this means we must remember the fantastic time that Colbert spectacularly broke character to laugh at the name…
MUNCHMA QUCHI!!!!
This was part of a compilation of Colbert completely breaking character.
Midwest FurFest… because if this doesn’t shock our resident Midwesterner Liz enough…
From spoof political coverage to something that I think was supposed to be a bit more credible, but still ended up hilarious, Morning Joe correspondent Mika Brzezinski took a break from cleaning up awkward scrabble racks, to bring us this delightful moment last week when she learned about what a “Furry” is! For the uninitiated… (and don’t ask me what the “initiation” process for Furrydom is), a “Furry” is a person who dresses up in a giant furry costume, usually in the presence of other Furries, and do… Heaven knows what… I just hope that what happens at Midwest FurFest stays at Midwest Furfest… because that looks like a lot of dudes!
There’s always Pussy Riot!
Furries were in the news recently because the Hyatt Regency O’Hare in Chicago came under fire after there was a suspected chlorine gas poisoning, allegedly targeted at the Furries themselves. 19 were brought to the hospital, but thankfully no deaths were reported.
The Hyatt Regency O’Hare is a building… and speaking of buildings… and architecture… Staten Island Live informs us that Elizabeth Egbert has been posthumously awarded the Albert P. Melniker Award, which is bestowed annually upon “a structure, exhibit or person that enhances the quality of life of the Staten Island community.” Ms. Egbert receives the award for her commitment to the Staten Island Museum, which is a place I’ll definitely check out next time I’m in the area.
Next, in the “Does it Quack Like a Duck?” category, we are sad to inform you that less than 50% of what Dr. Mehmet Oz says “has no evidence, and is contradicted by real science.” That’s a darn shame, because a UPenn educated, Columbia University heart surgeon could be a great spokesperson for the scientific method, but alas that is not the case. Oh well, at least we have his delightful name to keep us happy.
Keep us happy… we know just the thing for that!
The hair ruffle. Do you SEE the hair ruffle?!?
The Benedict Cumberbatch Name Generator!!!!
And of course, that is accompanied by this photo of the Benedict Cumberbatch Hair Ruffle, with Amb’s delightful original caption that I somehow wasn’t allowed to modify for today’s post. Probably because we at the BoFN don’t believe in tampering with greatness.
So jaunt on over to the name generator, and then let us know what you get… today you may address me as Brandybuck Cumberbund!
Today… who am I kidding? You can always address me that way! Enjoy your Fridays folks!
The Blog of Funny Names 
Since I am ever singing 70s soft rock tunes, I will address you not as “Brandy, you’re a fine girl,” but as “Brandybuck, you’re a fine girl.” You are a drunk deer today. I fared no better as “Wanda’s Crotchfruit,” which your link generated for me. I’m pretty sure her first cousin is Munchma Quchi. I spent 20 min going to all the links on this post, and had never seen Colbert turn bright red like that before. Beet red. Perhaps Crotchfruit red.
I firmly believe that the chlorine gas poisoning was the universe’s attempt at Darwinning out those Furries. The universe failed, and so we all must suffer, knowing that Furries walk amongst us, probably in non-Febrezed, Hep-C tainted, hot breath germfested ensembles. In the words of Jimmy Fallon, “seriously ew!” I’d just as soon chop off that end of the role-playing spectrum, but I’m harsh and judgmental. Or maybe just mental.
In fact, if Liz is turned off by Selleck’s stache and hairy chest, I wager she would sorely be turned off by furry fictional anthropomorphic animal characters. Benedict’s hair ruffle is certainly more arousing than a man in a raccoon outfit.
And as to the wonderful Turkish wizard called Oz, I officially stopped liking him on the day that I watched him send his highest praises toward raspberry ketones, which I promptly drove to Walgreen’s to buy. I purchased the last two bottles (others had heeded his words), used each last pill and am still fat. Did not lose one pound. Off with Mehmet’s head!
Coincidentally, Crotchfruit red is the color I’ve just painted my living room wall. It’s nice.
Is it Benjamin Moore or some Indie paint company? It sounds very Christmasy. Do you suppose they make Crotch Fruitcake? I bet Santa knows.
It’s a small local place called “Paint in the Butt”.
I’ll get some young kid to ask Santa about Crotch Fruitcake at the mall. That should probably go well.
You almost caused me an incontinent moment there. Fortunately, I was not sitting on anyone’s lap.
Arto… you need to generate a name from the Cumberbatch name generator!
Snorkeldink Bumbersplat.
Just like the original one then.
Jajajajajaja! I’m going to call you that tonight!
“You are a drunk deer today” – Kerbey.
One of the greatest quotes in BoFN history!
Crotchfruit red… so good! Wow, you’re upping the ante again, Kerbey!
XD
For some reason, I imagine Kerbey standing up and reciting that at a poetry reading, while someone else plays bongos, and a circle of admiring beatnicks sit on the floor, smoke cigarettes, nod their heads, and say “Yeah, man.” “Dig it.” “Coooool.” “That’s heavy.”
[edited for more poetic line breaks in Kerbey’s free verse]
Oh, and I’d have to be very solemn to sell it to the crowd. Do I have a black turtleneck on or the black and white stripes? Do I smell like cloves and dissidence? Do I get free espresso from the coffee bar where I’m reciting this masterpiece?
Yes – free espresso so that you keep reciting masterpieces like that until you crash down to the floor!
And then a man in a raccoon outfit will come and pick me up off the floor! Ah, the irony! And scene.
Well, either way on the turtleneck vs. stripes, but definitely a beret, tilted to the left.
budapest vegemite here – great post and i loved the colbert crack ups so much.
Budapest Vegemite?!? That’s the best one yet!!
thanks, dave. i’m quite proud of it, i must say.
Snorkeldink Scratchnsniff here. I love the alliteration. Maybe I should start my own underwater scratch and sniff business in Hawaii. . .visit Snorkeldink Scratchnsniff Underwater Olfactory Extravaganza. “Surgeon General’s Warning: Sniffing under water may be detrimental to your health.” 🙂
Wow, Snorkeldink Scratchnsniff is magnificent. I really want to meet the people who set up this name generator…. hmmm….
Don’t you feel the gear grinding for a BoFN name generator? 😉
Yes… I do….. hmmm….. let me do some brainstorming!
Bittertasting Batterbaster here, Dave, ready to interject sweetness into your HoHoHoliday Colbert Name-Callings.
Wow, that’s an impressive tongue twister right there!
Dave, I could never, ever top you at FNiTN.
But when it comes to name generators, somehow I always seem to come out ahead.
Remember when I got Silvestre Badass from the Anthony Wiener “Carlos Danger” name generator?
Well, the Benedict Cumberbatch Name Generator has generously bestowed upon me le nom humoristique . . .
Bendandsnap Cheddarcheese
Is that friggin’ awesome or what?
‘Cause it doesn’t just say a name. It tells a story.
A story of cheddar cheese. Cheddar cheese that bends. And then snaps.
Next, on the Home Shopping Network!
lol. We definitely got a product line here. Bend ‘n Snap Cheddar Cheese ™. It bends. It snaps. And it fills ya with yummy cheddar cheesy goodness.
Wow, that name truly is magnificent. Magisterial even! How do you do it with these name generators, Mr. Badass!
I really like that you’re someone I can legitimately call Mr. Badass!
I guess I’m just a badass funny name generator name magnet.
Then you’d be bfngnm instead of wdydfae.
buh FN guh nm
I’m liking it.
You’re such a buhfunguhnum!
Dave’s back!
So, are you just a little mad at me, or really really mad at me for unauthorized, unscheduled BoFN posting?
But I mean, heck, it was Christmas! I didn’t see anything lined up. Somebody had to do something!
Diddz, my anger knows no bounds!!!!!
Just kidding… I was delighted to see that post make another appearance! I’ve been a bit busy with family things, so it’s nice to come back to the blog and see things still running smoothly! It was nice to see your name back in the author column, and I’m hardly the type to stifle people’s creativity! All activity is good activity 🙂 Especially when said activity ends up with me getting a cool nickname like King Dave! 🙂
Just finished drafting a little post for tomorrow morning (apparently 3 hours from now…) and eagerly anticipating Mark’s second annual Horsey Awards post! I hope you’ve been having a happy, healthy Christmas season Diddy!
Thanks! The same to you!
Is that all, really? Part of me was sorta looking forward to the Animal House style paddling.
Haha, well that can be arranged! If paddling is the kind of thing that floats your boat (holy synergistic mixed metaphor, Batman!), then here you go!!! 🙂 http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/4869601/animal-house-paddle-o.gif
“Thanks you, sir! May I have another!”
“Thanks you, sir! May I have another!”
“Thanks you, sir! May I have another!”
Always wanted to try that one out!
Haha, I’m glad I could make you happy!
I’ve just recently been in touch with a dear friend from San Diego who has been teaching English on the island of Jeju, South Korea. She’s also a fellow WordPress blogger. Any chance you’re in that area?
http://jejujive.wordpress.com/
Neat. I’ll check it out! I’m in the very, very rough vicinity, I guess. One wants to be sensitive about giving out one’s coordinates on the Internet when anything on the Korean peninsula is involved . . .
Brandybuck? Or maybe Doctor Brandybuck? Pussy Riot will always get an Eeek from me. I have never heard of such an event as a your Fur Fest. Do you suppose they serve waffles? Great FNitN per usual 🙂