Howdy doody cowboys!!! Notice how I didn’t capitalize “cowboys” there? There’s a reason for that… there ain’t none “Cowboys” in today’s post. Instead, there’ll be a few Patriots, and a couple of Seahawks. Plus our usual assortment of funny names in the news. Sounds like a party!
Unlike last year’s “Marijuana Bowl” (where the Broncos & Seahawks – the NFL representatives of the two states that legalized pot – played in the Superb Owl), we’ll only have one team whose fans can (legally) smoke themselves into oblivion if they lose. But we’re bound to see some football and some funny names.
Funny Names from the New England Patriots:
- LeGarrette Blount
- Jimmy Garoppolo
- Stephen Gostkowski
- Rob Gronkowski
- Dont’a Hightower
- Michael Hoomanawanui
- Sealver Siliga
- Rob Ninkovich
Funny Names from the Seattle Seahawks:
- Kam Chancellor
- Demarcus Dobbs
- Garry Gilliam
- Steven Hauschka
- Cooper Helfet
- Lemuel Jeanpierre
- Ricardo Lockette
- O’Brien Schofield
- J.R. Sweezy
- Tharold Simon
Based on those names, it’s tough to say who I’ll be rooting for, but Dont’a Hightower and J.R. Sweezy are two names I’ll look forward to seeing on the gridiron.
Enjoy football day!
In other sports news, our esteemed correspondent Mark “The Shark” Sackler informs us that perennial BoFN favorite Madison Bumgarner is getting a run for his “Madison money” by two other Madisons – Madison Keys and Madison Brengle – who made some news at the Australian Open tennis tournament.
Marky Mark also tells us that “backwardly-named” Taylor Harry Fritz was the only American to make it through to the men’s junior singles quarterfinals. Way to go Fritz! Or Harry! Or Taylor!
On to hockey, where goalie Reto Berra scored a goal for the AHL’s Lake Erie Monsters! The only thing better than a goalie with an awesome name is a goalie with an awesome name scoring a goal for an awesomely-named team!
Reto’s Extraordinary Shot
On to news of the greatest sport, BOXING! Recently, Deontay Wilder of Tuscaloosa, Alabama became the first US Heavyweight champion in nearly a decade, with his victory over Haitian-Canadian former champ Bermane Stiverne.
Closing out the sports section, a European football (soccer) coach has a pronunciation of impressively-accomplished BoFN favorite Gylfi Sigurdsson that must be heard to be believed. Hat tip to Eurosport correspondent Arto for this one!
Football is fun when you play it without hands and bumble all the players’ names!
Moving on to human interest
nudes news, the long-standing British tradition of The Sun newspaper’s topless Page 3 ladies “came to an end” recently, in a move met with cautious support from Page 3 critics, but also some criticism from models such as Rhian Sugden.
But the next day, it emerged that it was a giant fake-out, and ladies on page 3 ARE STILL FREE to go shirtless! (I don’t think that’s a popular interpretation of the events). Seems like The Sun is benefiting from the publicity, but perhaps it’s also a sign that if you have awesome-named spokespeople like Rhian Sugden, your side will win in the end.
Finally, a touching story from a local Fox station about a vacuum salesman named Al Archie, who went to an autistic, vacuum-loving child’s birthday party, and apparently moved the room to tears. Both autistic children and vacuum salesmen need more people to be kind and friendly… then again, don’t we all?
That’s it for this week! Enjoy the super bowl and join us next week for more funny names!