Funny Names in the News 98, Where We Fight Through the Pain With Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and Carltonlima Emma

Yippy skippy! It’s Funny Names In The News again!

Ignore for a moment the obscene gesture (that is a middle finger... or third phalange for the sticklers out there) and recognize that that's not what a finger is supposed to look like!

Ignore for a moment the obscene gesture (that is a middle finger… or third phalange for the sticklers out there) and recognize that that’s not what a finger is supposed to look like!

Unfortunately, this will have to be a slightly abridged FNITN because of a rather peculiar circumstance. Last Friday, during an intramural med school Capture The Flag game, the BoFN’s very own oddball white guy Dave (yours truly) made a game-saving tackle and suffered a finger injury. Not really suffered, actually… I did my best to ignore it for a week but the swelling and pain wouldn’t subside.

Well, after a doctor’s visit yesterday, I found out it was actually a fracture, and will likely require a minimally invasive hand surgery that I will heroically endure with hopefully only local anesthetic (so as to not cost me important studying days).

This means that it’ll be a short FNITN because I’m typing with a finger splint on and that ain’t easy folks! It ain’t!

Chimamanda and her funny-faced 2-dimensional friend!

Chimamanda and her funny-faced 2-dimensional friend!

Leeeeeeeading off is one of my new favorite Americans… Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, author of the National Books Circle Award for Fiction (which comes a close second to Blog of Funny Names Induction in the pantheon of literary greatness). She recently published a short story, Olikoye, for a Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation collection about the wonders of vaccinations – one of science’s greatest achievements.

Funny name, award-winning writer, and a supporter of a cause very close to my heart… definitely my kind of lady!

From really important societal issues to… well, this… it turns out that Queen Elizabeth’s newest horse is named Carltonlima Emma. I think the noteworthy part of this story is that Queen Elizabeth still rides her horse at age 88, but in my perfect world – one where funny names supersede everything, and we invest significant money in research grants for health sciences – Carltonlima Emma is the true highlight of the story. To be fair, why don’t we just celebrate both the Queen and her faithful steed – they’re both pretty awesome!

In political news, a leak of info from former HSBC IT employee Herve Falciani could be the determining factor in whether Loretta Lynch gets sworn in as US Attorney General.

"Vint Cerf, meet Bert!" - Perhaps the greatest phrase of four-letter words ever published on a family-friendly site!

“Vint Cerf, meet Bert!” – Perhaps the greatest phrase of four-letter words ever published on a family-friendly site!

Lastly, one of Google’s greatest visionaries, Vint Cerf (who we’ve profiled here before) warns of an “internet dark age“, saying that server limitations and the rapid turnover of popular websites (faster than we can archive them), could result in years of digital data getting lost. His recommendation: print out your files and photos for added backup!

But I think we know his true motivation… Vint wants there to be a print edition of the Blog of Funny Names, and who can blame him?!?!?!

Apparently, using an unusual typing strategy hurts your hand… enjoy your Fridays and catch you next week everybody!

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About Dave

Based out of San Diego, California. Co-founder of the Blog of Funny Names. funnynamesblog.wordpress.com
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18 Responses to Funny Names in the News 98, Where We Fight Through the Pain With Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and Carltonlima Emma

  1. kerbey says:

    I know I should be focusing on the funny names, but now you’ve got me thinking about the queen. Well, actually you’ve got me wondering why this says Arto posted it, but it’s Dave’s finger. I don’t get it! If the Queen Mum has a perfectly good horse named Carltonlima Emma, then why does she need a new chauffeur? That’s been all over the news today. Who wants to be her driver for $37,000 a year? I’d take that gig. And why does no one talk about her husband, Prince Philip? I mean he’s 93 years old and will never be a king!! He’s a member of the House of Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg, for gosh sake’s. That’s pretty cool.

    PS In 1986, Boston had a hit with “Amanda,” and every poor girl by that name had to hear her boyfriend sing, “I’m gonna say it like a man, and make you understand, Amanda!” I wonder if that happened to Chimamanda?

    • Dave says:

      Haha, my bad! We save the FNITN drafts with attribution to the person it’s scheduled for. This was supposed to be last week’s FNITN, so it was saved under Arto’s name.

      I wish I could blame some injury-induced drug-induced stupor for that oversight, but since I’m drug free (seriously… it’s the way to be, kids!) I just have to blame my own absentmindedness!

      Wow, that’s an amazing House to be a part of… your research is tremendous Kerbey! Perhaps you’re in line for a promotion…. what would you like your new title to be?!?

      1986 was a good year – my birth year! I find it a tad odd that the two most famous people that share my birth year are troubled young starlets… Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes… Oh well! Maybe I’ll be famous some day and put that streak to an end!

      Ow ow ow! Finger hurts while typing!

      • kerbey says:

        The Dutchess of York is taken. Maybe the Duchess of Pork? Okay, don’t respond since your finger hurts. Typing with a fractured digit is still better than any achievement Bynes or Lohan did in 2014. Way to not go whackjob cray cray on us, Dave.

      • Liz says:

        so the year you were born, I was turning sweet 16. Wild. Kerbey is for sure up for that promotion. And I think she’s already nailed her new title in her comment: She can be Queen Mum.

    • Dave says:

      JK…. No pain for me….

      I also wanted to mention that the daughter of the Buffalo Police Chief was named Jenny, and had the number 867-5309. I feel so sorry for people whose lives get swept up in a song lyric…

      • kerbey says:

        Well, I DO put that phone number on all our church bulletin info cards, as the example to how to complete it. I wonder how many get it. We also had 867 exchanges in Austin, and some poor sap had that one as well. I bet the police chief was able to correct the Buffalo one quickly.

  2. Liz says:

    even with a serious finger injury, you do good work here, Dr. King Dave. Had I injured my hand or arm in any way, I would have taken medical leave here, so you are a better blogger than I.

    So we have been warned that digital data could possibly get lost? That’s sort of a duh, isn’t it? But for sure everything we read on the Internet is true, yes? Or at least it is if it’s written here. El Marko called BoFN the bible, did you see? Big claims.

  3. Dave says:

    I know… it’s such a duh! But his reasoning is interesting, and his thought process is so much more advanced and complicated than mine… so there must be real cause for concern. I love the fact that two of our greatest technological visionaries are Elon Musk and Vint Cerf…. sounds like a funny names theory in the making!

    I just got back from a day trip to Sacramento with my “Politics of Medicine” class, and only just now saw El Marko’s post. I don’t know if that name can ever be topped! Oliphant Chuckerbutty… that is a name for the ages!

    • Dave says:

      But El Marko calling BoFN the bible… that’s a pretty magnificent thing. I hope we can one day aspire to such greatness. It’s only just the beginning!

  4. markbialczak says:

    My simple mind can’t get past the med student taking a week before breaking down and finally admitting he had to go to the doctor to fix the finger he fractured playing intramural Capture the Flag in Med School. That’s just so … appropriate.

    Oh, King Dave … Why is there such a thing as intramural Capture the Flag at Med School?

    • Dave says:

      Haha, we have this thing called the “AC Cup” that we do once each quarter. Our med school has 6 AC’s (Academic Communities), which are kind of like Hogwarts houses. For this quarter, one of the competitions was a capture the flag game, and I got competitive and also a bit unlucky while making a game-saving tackle. Oh well… life goes on!

      • markbialczak says:

        I love the idea of the AC Cup. At U of Maryland we had an overall Cup for intramurals for keeping the same squad for every sport. I was on the open league team “Pat’s Gang” and we came in second my senior year. It was guys we met living in our cockroach-infested apartment complex a couple miles from campus. Pat was a cat owned by five guys that shared one apartment.

        I earned mega team points by coming in second place in the horseshoes tournament and was a team hero for a couple seconds.

        But my biggest source of pride was playing both sides of the line in flag football against the squad made up of players from the Terps lacrosse team and not making a peep as the starting goalie beat the crap out of me on every play. You see I covered the team for the campus daily newspaper — journalism major — and I had written in a story how he had let a cheap goal in by allowing a slow ball to roll between his legs. After the lacrosse squad had beaten us by three or four touchdowns, I believe, and he had split my lip, he came up and shook my hand and told me that now we were all square and I was an OK dude after all.

        • Dave says:

          Wow, what an awesome story! That’s the kind of thing you hold on to for a lifetime!

          • markbialczak says:

            Yeah, it made me glad that I didn’t wimp out of the game or complain or anything. Damn, the guy was four inches taller than me and way stronger and he basically ate me for dinner. I cringe thinking of it. But my writer’s pride was at stake, I knew it even in college. 🙂

  5. I’m not sure what’s going on with my WP reader, but I seem to be missing the FNiTN posts. I can’t believed I missed this gem.

    Dave–I hope your finger is doing better.

    I experience a similar injury playing 3rd base. The pitcher and I had a pickle going with the runner between us. The runner was getting tired and so were we. He (the pitcher) threw the ball a little high and to my right. I jumped to catch it with my un-gloved hand. The ball rebounded off my finger tips back toward the pitcher. Dang it if the runner didn’t score.

    I guess that’s the way the ball bounces. 🙂

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