Baseball Season Is Here and It’s Brought Funny Baseball Names Along!

Hey ho, baseball season is back, and with it comes perhaps our favorite thing. Baseball names!

I myself attended by annual-ish baseball game this week in the shape of a Padres-D-Backs game (something unfortunate about the D-Backs being called D-Backs. No self given nickname has ever sounded quite so much like an insult). Padres took the game with an 8th inning whopper by Justin Upton (stadium scoreboard fun fact : he has a brother named Melvin).

So I got to thinking, as I munched on my $9 hot dog and slurped my $12 beer. To make this really worth it, I need to write about it on the blog, and so I lurched into the funnest kind of research. Funny Names Research. FNR is an up-and-coming field in the sciences, sure to be recognized soon with a Horsey Prize in achievement in amusement. Check your local library for the latest.

Hot dog filled and stuffed with cash.

It’s expensive out there.

Without further ado (which I think was a Shakespearean term for “filler”), we move on to the meat of the matter. The funniest names in baseball in 2015!

From the Boston Red Sox

  • Mookie Betts
  • Zeke Spruil

If I had a baseball themed deli, these two would be my top selling sandwiches.

From the New York Yankees

  • Didi Gregorius

I don’t know if Didi has a nickname, but I think he should start going by Glorious Gregorious. Gregarious Gregorious is also an option, but might trip up the broadcasters.

From the Tampa Bay Rays

  • Brad Boxberger

One of the great family names of Tampa, his father and his father before him all berged boxes for a living.

With the Toronto Blue Jays

  • R.A. Dickey
    – A bonus fact about Mr. Dickey. According to the New York Times, he gives his bats (the kinds you hit the ball with, not nocturnal bloodsuckers) some strange names. The two best ones he     calls Orcrist the Goblin Cleaver and Hrunting. So next time you watch the Blue Jays, keep an eye out for the man bunting with the hrunting.

From the Detroit Tigers

  • Buck Farmer

    funny name for a baseball bat

    R.A. Dickey wielding his goblin cleaver.

With the Kansas City Royals

  • Cheslor Cuthbert

From the Oakland A’s

  • Coco Crisp
  • Billy Butler

The Butler will bring your Coco Crisps to get the day started right, of course.

There’s just not enough names like Billy Butler in the world.

From the Seattle Mariners, your future plush toy sales representative

  • Charlie Furbush

From funny name champs, the Texas Rangers

  • Rougned Odor
  • Shin-Soo Choo
  • Prince Fielder
  • Tanner Scheppers

Funny name collector runner up, the Cincinnati Reds

  • Burke Badenhop
  • Skip Schumaker
  • Homer Bailey

Now those sound like some baseball players.

From the San Diego Padres

  • Cory Spangenberg
  • Kevin Quackenbush
Cory Spangenberg immortalized into cardboard. At least until the cardboard breaks down into dirt. What's the lifetime of cardboard anyway? Can you really be immortalized in something that's temporary? Isn't everything temporary? Whoa. #DeepCaptionMusings

Cory Spangenberg immortalized into card form. At least until the card paper breaks down into dirt. What’s the lifetime of this kind of paper anyway? Can you really be immortalized in something that’s temporary? Isn’t everything temporary? Whoa. #DeepCaptionMusings

Representing the San Francisco Giants

  • Madison Bumgarner
  • Buster Posey

And finally, some of the finest names in MLB :

  • Scooter Gennett – Milwaukee
  • Antonio Bastardo – Pittsburgh
  • Xavier Scruggs – St. Louis
  • Tuffy Gosewisch – Arizona

And that’s that for this roundup. Enjoy the games this season!

About Arto

Co-founder of the Funny Names Blog, Hawaiian shirt enthusiast, and holder of a funny name himself with too many vowels for any sensible person. Currently residing in San Diego, California, scouring through obscure documents on a hunt for more funny names.
This entry was posted in humor, humour and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Baseball Season Is Here and It’s Brought Funny Baseball Names Along!

  1. marksackler says:

    Arto, “Didi” is his nikcname. His full name is Sir Mariekson Julius Gregorius, OON (OON, is the Dutch equivalent of the British OBE). Although Yankees TV commentator Ken Singleton did remark that he is “gregarious” in the clubhouse. I was thinking of doing my post on him next week.

    • Arto says:

      Haha, that makes sense! Didi isn’t the most common name in the world. That’s a fantastic full name. I fully encourage the full post next week.

      Some of my favorite topics to write about here are things I know nothing about, baseball being one of them. It’s like studying an alien civilization and stopping to giggle at their names.

  2. Dave says:

    Great stuff! Just when I was concerned we were going to go an entire week without a post, you step in and save the day with a walk-off home run!

    I love the way you think about baseball – you notice the ridiculousness in so many things I just take for granted after following baseball for so long. Well done my friend!

    I loved the part about RA Dickey’s bats, but the weird thing is that he’s a pitcher in the American League. Pitchers never hit in the American League because of the Designated Hitter rule. WTF is up with that?!?

    • Arto says:

      I gotta tell you Dave, I don’t know what’s up with that! Not a clue!

      • Dave says:

        Damn! Just when I thought I could go to the #5 baseball guy in the history of BoFN (I just decided on these rankings right now) for an answer, you had to let me down! How will we understand RA Dickey’s bats now?!?!?! (I’m guessing that story is a holdover from his Mets days… unless he saves all those bats for the month when they do interleague games and play in NL stadiums). Baseball is full of oddities! It makes sense to me you’re becoming more of a baseball fan!

        • Arto says:

          He was indeed referred to as a Mets player in the source article I forgot to link to, so that must be the X-planation for ya right there.

      • Dave says:

        Hey Arto, you’ll be my favorite human ever if you can figure out a baseball-related way for me to quickly master endocrinology!

        • Arto says:

          I’m told by a reliable source that “The endocrine system refers to the collection of glands of an organism that secrete hormones directly into the circulatory system to be carried towards a distant target organ. ”

          In this case, the endocrine system is clearly a baseball team. The distant target organ is (oddly enough) home base. Oddly because it’s really close but you have to travel an illogical distance to arrive back to where you started.

          The secreted hormones are the individual players of the team. The circulatory system consists of the four bases which form a circulatory arrangement on the field.

          And the glands….those are all Kevin Costner.

          There, that should explain it nicely.

  3. Dave says:

    Oh Heavens… I can’t express how happy I am that Coco Crisp is still in the league!

  4. ksbeth says:

    great names and i’m sticking with buck farmer, from my local detroit tigers. sounds like a down home guy you’d bring home to mom.

  5. kerbey says:

    I’m sorry; did you say a $12 beer? I hope you wielded a goblin cleaver of your own and killed the Bastardo and the D-Bags/Backs who sold you that. That would have to be a solid 28% ABV beer to make it worth the tag. So you have listed two bushes: a fur and a quacken. Which also happens to be the price of a cappuccino in a small European country. Perhaps two quackens nowadays, adjusted for 2015 inflation.

    Tuffy I believe is the neighbor’s dog who barks all night. And Cheslor Cuthbert sounds like HE’D make a good butler himself. “Cuthbert, fetch me my bourbon! No, not the $12 beer. Have you gone mad?”

    • Arto says:

      Cheslor would certainly have a hard time at the ball park finding reasonably priced…anything. I managed to refrain from committing murder, however justified it may have been considering the grave insult to my wallet their concession pricing was. Don’t think they even accepted quackens either!

  6. Well played, Arto. Loved the lesson in baseball endocrinology. Didn’t even have to slide into home plate. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s