Funny Names in the News Vol. 103 – Range Anxiety Edition

Hello dear readers, it’s Friday! Whoohoo! The word Friday is of course derived from the Old English “day of the Frigg”, referring to the goddess Frigg, associated with Venus, who was associated with Fridays. Why? Because she was friggin’ awesome!

Let’s get the week’s news roundup started with our Funny Names Blog Man of the Year Elon Musk, who has announced that the end is nigh for “range anxiety”. This comes as great news to folks like me who suck at golf, until you realize he’s talking about electric car type range. Still, that’s one kind of driving range, I suppose. Thanks to our AC/DC-vehicular application correspondent Dave for that nugget of news.

There was a big election in Britain yesterday, with the biggest news seemingly being that the pollsters in that country have no idea what they are doing. Also important, and unfortunate, is the loss in his campaign of Raving Monster Loony Party candidate Johnny Disco, whose campaign promises included the introduction of a 99c coin and launching a space project in his home constituency of Wythenshawe.

Johnny Disco, funny named election candidate.

Johnny Disco, unfortunately not the new prime minister of Great Britain. Maybe next time.

“I’m confident the people of Wythenshawe and Sale East want lunatics in charge”, Disco stated. He may be on to something, as most people everywhere seem to, judging by the politicians in office across the world. The Raving Loony Party appears to have beat out contending fringe party the Respect Party by several thousand votes, proving once again that they get no respect whatsoever.

Moving on to the wonderful world of sports, and news that goalkeeper Mason Springthorpe has been released from his contract at Fleetwood Town. Hopefully he’ll find a new employer at an appropriately handsomely named team to match his moniker, like Dagenham & Redbridge or Accrington Stanley or Botswana Meat Commission FC.

Next up, venture capitalism! Mmm, interesting. Wait, don’t go! It’s all about funny named venture capitalist Bill Gurley. Arnold Schwarzenegger would surely approve of this Gurley man, an early investor in Uber, the definitely-not-a-taxi-service taxi service company. He’s been talking to CNN Money, everyone’s favorite website about money in the news, about how “millennials” don’t like driving. Except at the range, but we went over that already. Thanks to our VC Correspondent D.C for that one.

Also from DC, a piece of news approved by the CDC. Mark Zuckerberg, the Facespace guru, has publicly praised author Eula Bliss‘ book “On Immunity”, causing news on the hot topic of vaccinations. With a name like Eula Bliss, I think everyone should just listen to her and be happy.

Back to sportsball news, where the Dallas Cowboys handegg team has announced the signing of offensive guy La’el Collins. We’re certainly not offended by his great name, though slightly puzzled as to how it’s pronounced. We’ll crowd source the correct answer below in the comments. A free Sprite®  to the winner (*not paid for or otherwise made free of charge by the Blog of Funny Names).

Funniest Name in the NFL Draft 2015

We love you too, Jaquiski!

And finally, but most importantly, we have the great pleasure of announcing the winner of the popular vote from last week’s Funniest Names in the NFL Draft poll. It’s a shocker.

Jaquiski Tarrt did the unprecedented, if not unthinkable, and won TBOFN Funniest Name in the NFL Draft poll on a write-in vote, nosing out early favorite Obum Gwachum.

Well deserved in my opinion.

Y’all have a Friggin’ great Friday now!

About Arto

Co-founder of the Funny Names Blog, Hawaiian shirt enthusiast, and holder of a funny name himself with too many vowels for any sensible person. Currently residing in San Diego, California, scouring through obscure documents on a hunt for more funny names.
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8 Responses to Funny Names in the News Vol. 103 – Range Anxiety Edition

  1. ksbeth says:

    i friggin’ love the goddess frig!

  2. kerbey says:

    Johnny Disco is news to me. I feel so international just for knowing that he lost. He looks old enough to remember The Brady Bunch episode where Greg Brady becomes Johnny Bravo. Clearly that influenced his decision to both call himself that and go into politics. And at the same time that episode came out, women across America were spraying their flatchested 1970s bodies with Jovan Musk, a cologne–but also perhaps a younger sibling of Elon Musk. Eula Bliss is a fantastic name. It’s the anti-Britney, anti-Tiffany name, a name that gets things done. A name that doesn’t worry about lash curlers or panty lines or split ends. You go, Eula!

  3. Gurley Bliss Musk Tart–this post has it all. 🙂

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