Epic Rap Battles: Dave vs. Arto

Dave:
Yo. Check it out. Yo . . .

Hello? Hello?? ANYBODY HOME?!? Been knocking on the door but no-one’s in.
Seems like more than a month since we heard anything from that Fabulous Finn.
In fact, I gotta say, I think that handle’s sorta hit the expiration date.
It’s hard to be freakin’ fabulous when your newest post is five freakin’ weeks late.
Hey, it’s not like I’m asking a lot, but does “co-founder” even mean anything, dude?
Feels like I’m carrying the weight here, bruh. Droppin’ the ball like that–that’s just plain rude.
I’m hurtin here, dawg. Just turn your lazy *ss around and pick up the slack.
We got a blog we’re s’posed to be running and I thought you had my back.
I wouldn’t mind it so much if all the rest of that ragtag crew was here
But Amb and Liz wandered off, and Diddy–peh!–that wimp only shows up like twice a year.

Arto:
Wow, it must be tough taking all those labs between Pathology and Anatomy.
I’m just glad Dave could still find the time to get all worked up and mad at me.
He sounds pretty adamant about this. Quick, somebody give him some meds!
Shouldn’t be too hard to find ‘um where he is (just don’t tell the Feds).
Me, I’d rather have half a bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.
Heh. But what’s with this guilt trip? Dave didn’t tell me he was also taking Psychotomy!
Anyways, if anybody sees Dave tell him “‘Scuse me for having a life.”
And–I thought he knew this already–I also got a couple of cats, and a wife.
But I feel kinda bad for Dave, I do. Tending the lab rats sure must take its toll.
Just hope someday he shows me that trick where he changes the letter size . . .

lol!

Dave:
Wait. What? Are you serious? Is that all you gotta say?
I put out a plea for help and you play King of Snark for a day?
I thought this was bad to begin with but that just takes the cake.
Is this the grand master of FNitN I’m talking to here? There must be some kind of mistake.
I can’t believe I used to look up to you and emulate your *ss.
The only way I can live up to you now is by sleeping in and skipping class.

Arto:
Yeah, I know how you feel about looking up and emulating, I aint lyin’!
I mean, Dansby Swanson? Sure, he plays ball, but dawg, you’re not even tryin’!
That’s like Johnsy Smith, Susan Jonesy, Janesy Wilson, or Sammy Hart.
Sure, you found a name, but I think you forgot about the “Funny” part.
I wouldn’t be throwing stones if I were you! I’d be leery.
It’s almost like you’re trying to prove Diddy’s Funny Name Scarcity Theory!
I hate to say it but I’m ready to admit you’re right–that’s what I’m thinkin’.
You do some need help, dawg. I better step back in and keep that boat from sinkin’!

Who won?!?!

Who won?!?!

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35 Responses to Epic Rap Battles: Dave vs. Arto

  1. Wow Diddy, you out did yourself here. I loved the beat. And could totally hear Dave and Arto’s epic rap battle. Well played. . .

  2. marksackler says:

    In boxing parlance, it’s a split draw.

  3. marksackler says:

    And I’m getting the feeling something smells fishy in Helsinki…and it just might be rotting fish! 😛

    • Dave says:

      That’s an opening to throw a jab about how Arto smelt,
      but that’d be unfair and probably hit below the belt,
      I try to be scrupulous, especially to that Finn
      And when Diddy posts, I think everybody will win!

    • wdydfae says:

      That would be going over the line to call Arto stinky
      But, dang, I wish I’d worked that city into the last line–Helsinki!

  4. Dave says:

    Hahaha, wow wow wow wow, this is awesome! Another classic Diddy! I’m so darn impressed! What an amazing post to wake up to!

    • Dave says:

      And Arto ain’t got none kids – just two little cats,
      They don’t take up time as much as his collection of hats.
      The guy can claim something due to job and a wife,
      but missing 5 weeks – that means some serious strife.

      And Liz isn’t gone, she’s just taking a little break,
      she’ll be back soon with funny named ways to bake.
      The ragtag crew is still in full effect
      And today’s post by you was full-on per-fect!

      • Arto says:

        Thanks for ‘splaining Dave,
        those cats just can’t behave.
        There’s only one kinda rap I offer,
        it’s a tasty one with feta and falafel.
        I play fast and loose with rhymes,
        can’t hold a beat in the best of times.
        I’m whiter than show white’s powder room.
        grab a mic and it self-desctructs and goes boom.
        Should catch up on the post backlog tho,
        Get dem pageviews with a real sho
        Oh Oh Oh Oh
        Ho Ho Ho
        Santa’s here, Santa’s here

      • wdydfae says:

        Diddy’s on the ball–went back in and edited this ditty!
        I deleted the kids and I put in the kitties.

    • wdydfae says:

      Thanks, Dave! I’m glad you liked it and all
      Even though I didn’t plan it as a wake up call.

  5. Gibber says:

    This rocks, or umm..hip hops

  6. Dave says:

    Diddz you mentioned Arto, trying to change the size of the text,
    Just head to the editor and there’s only one or two steps next,
    In the top left “Paragraph” that’s the drop-down you want,
    Choose Heading 6 to Heading 1 to change the size of the font.

    • wdydfae says:

      Thanks! I figured it out now, that thing with the drop down you just taught.
      And look, your rap’s really picking up. See? It aint as hard as you thought!

  7. Arto says:

    I have to say the tone of the exchange is remarkably accurate to how the two of us talk to each other. Sure you ain’t been a fly on the wall out here, Diddz?

    Outstanding work.

    Off to post five times in a week to catch up.

  8. Pingback: Epic Rap Battle at BoFN | What Do You Do for an Encore?

  9. ksbeth says:

    yo. i luvs u both, bro’s.

  10. kerbey says:

    Arto wins with “emulating.”

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