Hey everyone, I’m here! It’s true, I am!
We have some news from the past week involving some really funny names, so let’s read on.
We start in sports where our Sporting Affairs Correspondent (Kickball, Lacrosse, Equestrian and Racquetball specialist) Mark Sackler gets us on the way with this small yellow ball centered report :
What’s the key to improving the present dismal state of Men’s professional tennis in the U.S? It just might be players with no last names. Two Americans are in the semi-finals of the boys’ singles draw at the French Open setting up the prospect of an all American final: 18-year old Tommy Paul and 17-year-old Taylor Harry Fritz, the latter of whom we mentioned in a run down of funny names at last year’s U.S. Open. They both won their quarter-final matches and can meet in the final if they win in the semis today (Friday). Ok, so Fritz does have a last name, it’s just that it’s his first name.
OK, I admit it, I was supposed to write this last week but I forgot, so the match was actually last week. Spoiler alert, Tommy Paul won, thanks to his superior first name usage rate.
From our Political (Democratic And Virginian Equality) Correspondent Dave we have the news that Mr. Russ Feingold is running for Senate again against the stand-up sounding Ron Johnson. We wish both of them the best. I think.
There is more political news, thankfully saving me from more ridiculous acronyms. Everyone’s favorite oven mitt figure Willard “Mitt” Romney had what Dave is describing as an “extremely serious” two round boxing match against champ Evander Holyfield.
According to CNN, the match featured “gentle blows that appeared more like a tickle fight than a boxing match”, which may titillate some but apparently did not make for a legendary sporting event. Well-known disco enthusiast Romney entered the ring to the tune of “I Will Survive”, and proceeded to not die in the ring to everyone’s great pleasure. The event aimed to raise $1 million dollars to cover 40,000 surgeries for the blind, which we can only salute, as it should greatly raise the standard of boxing judges.
In Foreign Land News, Israel has a new deputy foreign minister, and her name is Tzipi Hotovely! Can’t get more qualified than having that name. She went on to start her tenure to say some controversial stuff, which is always a good way to get your name out there. Well, it’s a way at least. This one was also dug out by our Diplomatic Affairs Vice Executive Dave.
And finally, one for all you earthquake-proof building fans out there. Japan has been investing big time into buildings that can withstand even fierce earthquakes. The effort is detailed in this article, which to me is notable mostly for its quotes from Ronald O. Hamburger, a structural engineer at the San Francisco- based Simpson Gumpertz & Heger engineering firm. We will definitely hire them for the new Funny Names Blog HQ.
Thanks for stopping by, hope to catch you all next time!