Funny Names in the News – Now With Corporate Sponsors and a U.S. Open Update

Our resident sports expert Mark has informed me that the U.S. Open golf tournament is under way again. The Open, described by Wikipedia as being notable for its “pinched fairways” and “undulating greens” (golf seems to invite some poetry in its description), features some golfers with brilliant names. Among them, the following :

  • Cody Gribble
  • Joost Luiten
  • Ollie Schniederjans

I’m delighted to tell you only one of these people is not American, but I’ll leave it to you to guess which.

Cody Gribble in a Bunker

Cody Gribble, future inventor of Gribble’s Breakfast Gribble. We hope.

Meanwhile on the basketball court, the Golden State Warriors won their first championship since 1975 in a six game series against the Cleveland Cavaliers this week, and I think no small part was played by the impressive collection of well named players on the roster. My personal favorites include Festus EzeliJames Michael McAdooAndrew BogutMarreese Speights, and Ognjen Kuzmić .

Our congratulations to the whole group.

Meanwhile in Europe, various leaders are still bickering with Greece about how they should pay back their astronomical debts that everyone knows they will never in a million years be able to pay back. Germany is suggesting annual payments of 500 million gyro sandwiches, while the Greeks are refusing to budge and only offering thirty six servings of souvlaki. It’s a real pickle. Among those negotiating for extra feta cheese in the payments is Dutch Eurogroup President Jeroen Dijsselbloem.

Meanwhile in Georgia (the country, not the home state of Ollie Schniederjans), massive flooding caused many zoo animals to escape the Tbilisi Zoo, among them an enterprising penguin who made it all the way to the Azerbaijani border 40 miles away. The penguin was spotted at the border but slipped away from its pursuers to find a better life in Azerbaijan. There’s no funny name in this story, but since news reports didn’t give a name for the penguin I’ll name it Rufus A. Dinklefuss to qualify for this blog. Hey, it’s allowed by our standards. I don’t make the rules here.*

Baddie's kind of a badass. This message brought to you by Chipotle.

Baddie’s kind of a badass. This message brought to you by Chipotle.

And to wrap it all up, we go to the “most consistently captivating woman in her 80’s on social media“, Baddie Winkle of Knoxville, Tennessee. She’s been delighting Instagram users since her first image in 2014 in which she wore “a tie-dyed Grateful Dead bears T-shirt, jorts, and high socks covered with pink marijuana leaves.” We can see why the kids might find that interesting.

*Yes I do.

About Arto

Co-founder of the Funny Names Blog, Hawaiian shirt enthusiast, and holder of a funny name himself with too many vowels for any sensible person. Currently residing in San Diego, California, scouring through obscure documents on a hunt for more funny names.
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27 Responses to Funny Names in the News – Now With Corporate Sponsors and a U.S. Open Update

  1. marksackler says:

    Wait, Arto–there are rules!!??

    • Dave says:

      I was about to say NO, OF COURSE NOT! but then I read the small font. It’s always the small font that gets you. The nice thing is that after nearly four years of this blog, Arto has never enforced the rules, not once. So I think we’re good!

    • Arto says:

      Yes. You’ll know when you’ve broken them too. You’ll know.

      • Dave says:

        Uh oh… I’m now worried about getting demoted! You’re a hardcore bruiser-type. I will now live in constant fear of ever breaking the rules!

  2. wdydfae says:

    That’s some first rate FNitN, there.

    I just want to know, what part does the bear play in a “Grateful Dead bears T-shirt”, and what is a jort?

    The bitter thing about BoFN rules is how frantically and scrupulously I follow them, and how it doesn’t make any difference at all.

    It’s like doing your tax returns for years then finding out there are no taxes.

  3. Dave says:

    Baddie is such a baddie,
    if Joost wins, will people wonder if he’s juiced?
    and I googled “Schniedergans” thinking that you had to have mixed up the i and e, and found out that once again, Arto is completely right!

    • Arto says:

      I had to double triple check Schiederjans myself because it looks so wrong, but that’s just the beauty of Dutch names. They look so wrong which is what makes them so right.

      • Dave says:

        Yes…. so often, things that are so wrong seem so right. That’s a good life philosophy, isn’t it?

        No. No it isn’t.

  4. Dave says:

    Any penguin with that much gumption deserves an honorary awesome name, and automatic enshrinement into the BoFN hall of fame!

  5. markbialczak says:

    There are always taxes, Diddy, even when you make a teensy bit of Fabulous Moolah. That was a Wrestling Dame from the Wayback, by the way. Wasn’t that a great sports name, Arto? Oh, wait, that was fake. Never mind. And hey, your question also could have been, which of these Funny Names beat Eldrick “Tiger” Woods in the first round of the U.S. Open? All of them, I do believe! The former beast did shoot an 80 after all.

    • Arto says:

      I think Dave might have written a post back in the 70’s about Moolah if I’m not mistaken. I’m probably mistaken.

      How the mighty Tiger has fallen. Behind even the Joostiest of competition.

      • markbialczak says:

        Spoiler alert rasslin’ fans. My turn at BoFN bat is Tuesday. Just sayin’, Arto …

        • Arto says:

          Can’t wait. I don’t see Moolah covered in the archives so he’s fair game.

          I looked under the tag “wrestling” and two posts come up : Warrior, and Phyllis Diller.

          Make of that what you will.

          • markbialczak says:

            I checked already, too. Better yet, Arto. Moolah is a SHE! A cross between Warrior and Phylis Diller, somewhat. 😮

          • Dave says:

            Dude, Moolah is a SHE!! Wait… Mark already said that!

            How did Phyllis Diller make it into the “wrestling” tag? What about Virgil Runnels Jr. or Kip Sopp?!?!?! Are you saying BoFN tags aren’t comprehensive all the time?!?

      • Dave says:

        It’s sad to see what’s happened to Tiger. But it’s even sadder to think about the posts I wrote in the 70’s. They were sparse, to say the least!

    • Dave says:

      I totally remember the Fabulous Moolah, and Mae Young!! They were awesome! I love when Mae Young was in her 60’s or 70’s and Mark Henry powerbombed her through a table. Or was it Bubba Ray Dudley? I forget…. but you know who would remember all of that… Rob. Where is that guy?!?

  6. What an amazing FNiTN finale. And for chipotle no less. I’m rooting for the penguin to win the U.S. Open. Joost in case.

  7. ksbeth says:

    love the names, especially badie winkle, could not be a more fitting moniker for this wild flower child. just curious – are jorts the cousins of jeggings ? please advise –

  8. kerbey says:

    Ugh! Jorts and tie-dyed shirts–that’s enough to burn my retinas and so outdated, she should go by Rip Van instead of Baddie. But what a lovely hodgepodge of names. Such a mobile penguin; did you know they have knees up inside their little torsos? I read that this weekend. And paying debt in sandwiches is okely-dokely with me. And as for Joost Luiten, I LOVED LOVED LOVED her song, “Queen of Hearts” when I was in 4th grade. I remember listening to the radio and trying to jot the words down, which I now will know forever. Oh, dang, that was Juice Newton. My bad.

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