Funny Names in the News 106, with Kristaps Porzingis, Panda’s Friend, Santa, and the New York Knickerbockers

Yo yo yo, it’s time for a Fabulous Friday Funny Names in the News – now celebrating its 106th edition!

Is it summer already… I guess it is… and you know what that means!



Kristaps will have his hands full as he adapts to a new "five players and one basketball" format here in America.

Kristaps will have his hands full as he adapts to a new “five players and one basketball” format here in America.

Yes, it means the NBA draft has rolled around (obviously!), and all sorts of tall dudes will find out where they’ll be spending the next couple of years.

Our favorite draftee this year is probably Kristaps Porzingis, the 6’11” Latvian forward who was drafted fourth overall by the New York Knicks!

New York’s famously harsh fans (yes, Mark and Mark, I’m looking at you!) will be expecting big things from the big guy, and let’s hope he delivers! The Knicks need a good break these days… it’s been a rough few years for the Knickerbockers. Now that I think of it, the New York Knickerbockers probably have the best name in pro basketball, so they’re due for something awesome.

Panda Friend is soon to be one of the hottest selling jerseys. (Panda not included)

Panda Friend is soon to be one of the hottest selling jerseys. (Panda not included)

In other basketball news, the always, um, interesting, Metta World Peace has changed his name to Panda’s Friend for his tenure in the Chinese Basketball League. It seems like the guy’s name is dependent on his location. He started out as plain ol’ Ron Artest playing for teams in America’s heartland like Chicago, Indiana and Houston, and then went all hippie as Metta World Peace on his move to Los Angeles. Now in China, he’s Panda Friend, and all we can hope for is that he keeps playing for different teams so we get more funny names fodder.

Moving from Panda interest news to Human Interest news, University of Cincinnati president Santa Ono has wowed us all with his generosity – taking a $200,000 bonus and donating it to charity. How awesome is that?!? (The answer is “Super Awesome!” or “Mondo Awesome!” or “Oodles of Awesome!” just for the record). What a great guy… it’s like a bunch of

It's hard to imagine someone making the name "Santa" even better, but Santa Ono may have done it!

It’s hard to imagine someone making our association with the name “Santa” even better, but Santa Ono may have done it!

charities just got a gift from, well, Santa. The only qualm we have is that Santa’s chosen charity didn’t involve my med school debts, but we still admire the incredible gesture!

According to the British “Mirror” website, in West Dunbartonshire, Scotland, a magic “suicide bridge” has led 600 dogs to jump to their death. A very scientific poll asks readers what they think is causing the behavior, and “Ghosts” is the clear frontrunner. Sounds legit. I may need Arto to fill me in on the legitimacy of the Mirror. Its stories are intriguing.

In “Names That Aren’t Funny, but News That Is” we have 58-year-old grandmother Stephanie Arnott from England, who claims that her “beauty” causes men to weep and crash their cars. Whaddya think? This mirror article has some pics. We’d post them, but we don’t want you crying and crashing your head into your computer screen. Safety first here at BoFN. Safety (and panda friendship) always come first!

That’s it for this week’s Funny Names in the News 106. Until next week, may your beauty not cause too much vehicular damage, and may you find a generous benefactor, or at least a Panda Friend. Enjoy your Fridays, folks!

About Dave

Based out of San Diego, California. Co-founder of the Blog of Funny Names.
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15 Responses to Funny Names in the News 106, with Kristaps Porzingis, Panda’s Friend, Santa, and the New York Knickerbockers

  1. markbialczak says:

    Oh, King Dave, I worry so about the Knickerbockers! Phil, you Zenner you, do you really think that New Yorkers will be able to pull themselves up by their Kristaps? Meanwhile, in cheerier state news, Syracuse fans are thrilled that (Rakeem) Christmas arrives for LeBron on Leon Day! Nice sports post, sir!

    • Dave says:

      I googled Phil Zenner before I realized you were talking about the very Zen general manager Phil Jackson. It all makes sense to me now!

      I had to google Leon Day too. I never knew that half-Christmas was called Leon day! I keep learning new things from you Mark – let’s hope these things show up on Step 1 of the medical board exams, which I’ll be taking less than a year from now!

      • markbialczak says:

        I am full of semi-useful (mostly useless) tid-bits, Dave. Unless you operate on a guy by the name of Leon Day on June 25 by a CoInkDink when you’re a FullDoc, I doubut if you’ll ever come across that one again. 🙂

        • Dave says:

          So true! I’ve already met two patients who shared names with famous boxers. That’s as close as I’ve gotten!

          But your tidbits are semi-useful – I’m a glass-half-full kinda guy!

  2. marksackler says:

    The Knickewhats? Who? Is that a fife and drum corps that marches in the St. Patrick’s Day parade? They might as well be.

  3. ksbeth says:

    i saw that draft highlight and the ny fans’ reactions were hilarious.

    • Dave says:

      I didn’t actually see the draft this year, but I can imagine the NY fans’ reactions. They are the most fun fans on draft night – so rarely satisfied!

  4. Arto says:

    Ha, classic Artest. I mean Peace. I mean Friend. What a guy.

    Kristaps sounds kinda like a dinosaur. Porzingis, I think that’s a potato-based breakfast dish. He’ll be great for the Knickerbockers, and certainly for their TV ratings in Latvia.

  5. kerbey says:

    Yikes! Regarding Stephanie Arnott, I’m going to have to say “Or not” regarding her prideful comments. Even without elephant skin belly or the dewy face, the ugliness inside a person who claims men crash their cars due to distraction is a huge turn-off. I don’t see why Ronald William Artest, Jr.ever changed his name, but I guess “Ron” does not have any kick to it. He had to kick it up to panda level. Now I wonder who is the Panda’s Enemy?

    Now I’m going to contact my city hall re: getting a suicide bridge installed near my yard for whatever dog keeps making direct deposits each morning as a gift for us. Perhaps we could wrangle it into the kind of bridge that makes cats commit suicide, all the way past the 9th life. Efficient and productive!

  6. wdydfae says:

    Nice one as always.

    All the funny name news that’s FNitN to PRintN!

  7. Pingback: Metta World Peace, Diamond World Peace, Panda Friend, and the First Family of Modern Funny Names | The Blog of Funny Names

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